So afraid and sick of being sick and tired

killeeje · Member

So afraid and sick of being sick and tired

MIKEF · Guru

Welcome Jessica! I would suggest getting back to meetings as soon as possible.We get into our own heads and project "what we think people will say or think" but it looks like to me the pain has definitely outweighed any pleasure for you.Narcotics Anonymous is a loving ,caring fellowship that thrives on carrying the message of 'one addict helping another.The only shame as far as relapse for us is if you don't make it back!YOU ARE SOMEBODY! We suffer from a deadly disease that manifests itself in our physical,mental and spiritual being.My 24 year old son,(IV heroin abuser since 17) was able to get to a clinic here in upstate New York for Detox.Many places will have sliding scale payments or hospitals that will at least give you 3 days without any payment.Im sure you can Google your area for a place near you.You don't have to live like this anymore. Narcotics Anonymous is a 'we" program and assures you, you never have to do this alone.Get around people in recovery for support and follow suggestions.Others will be on to talk with you please stick around.We are here for each other. Narcotics Anonymous has shown us a new way to live,Please join us... smile

cdbuckberry · Guru

killeeje, Welcome to the NA Message Board.You should get yourself out to meetings.There should be a way you can get in a detox in Massachusetts or New Hampshire .At a meeting down there in your area they may know better about where to go and detox.Also you are not a loser you are an addict.There are meetings inLowell,Ma at the Lowell House on thursday at 7:30 pm at 102 Appleton Street,someone there would know about detoxes and rehabs.There is also a meeting in Billerica at 317 Boston Road,7:00 to 8:00 pm .Just ask them if it's an NA meeting,all that are there are addicts,but I would think Lowell would be the best.This is the New England Region Hotline number for NA,it is toll free 866-624-3578 call it they will help you get you rides to meetings and help you.I hope this helps you.

killeeje · Member

Thank you both for your suggestions. I am finally reaching out and know what I need to do. The trouble I have is the motivation to do ANYTHING! I will check online for detoxes and will get to a meeting ASAP and ask around if I am unable to find anything online. Thanks again for your help. :)

rocky · Senior Member

there should be somewhere around you you can go but as long as you have your boyfreind with you it will never take you could talk to him about getting clean but you need to do this for you noone else and changing people places and things is at the near top of the list if yoiu hang with users you will use i will pray for you and i hope you can find what you need this is a we program we help each other that is how this program works addicts helping addicts call the na hotline they should be able to put you in touch with someone to help you into detox

avid · Guru

Hi Jessica,
Get over the inertia of inaction will take some effort but you have already begun. I can only repeat what everyone else has said, namely get to a few meetings. Ask for help. Share your pain and worry with the group. The women there will respond to you. Many addicts with no money or insurance have been through detox and rehab. The local addicts in your area will be your best resource for finding the services to finance these treatments.
Your higher power is already at work in your life.
Give yourself a break and keep coming back.

Fiesty · Senior Member

Welcome Back! One thing I have learned if nothing changes - nothing changes - I suggest get back to meetings - my experience is that it is difficult to clean up if I hang around those who are using - doesn't matter for me family or foe - It just too difficult - - It sounds like you are an addict just like me - and without some kind of help we will perish - you truly don't have to do this alone - NA Welcomes you..

sstaceye69 · Senior Member

Jessica you ARE doing something about it and you obviously have alot more motivation than you think or you would have never joined his na board. So, give yourself at least that much credit. PLEASE consider very seriously what everyone has said and get the help you so desperately not only need but truly DESERVE. If all else fails when you do start getting sick go immediately to your local emergency room and tell them the truth about everything because regardless of whether or not you have insurance they have to treat you by law. I know of situations where even people w/ insurance they released but gave them a script of the detox meds to take home. I know thats not the ideal situation but i know for me I was so desperate when i hit my bottom I would have done anything it took to get help because i knew if i didn't I was going to die. You are not a loser, you are an addict who is very sick. I was also a "functioning addict" on & off for almost 26 yrs. You will be in my prayers. Please keep coming back.

killeeje · Member

Thanks so much everyone again for your time and kind words. It feels good to be able to login and see responses to MY chaotic life story as it is today. To know that there are people out there who dont even know me who will take time out of their day to read/hear me bi#ch and respond is a great feeling. I am still trying to get the courage/strength to get to a meeting. This forum has been my first and only step so far. I have gotten and looked at the NA pamphlet for the meetings in my area to refresh my memory. I am getting closer to that meeting! I am sure once i get there i will feel so much better and the motivation I had before (for the little time I had it) will come back. I know that i have to work much harder this time than last because apparently something didnt stick and I went back out there. I have all the books. I want to really try to find a good sponsor, work the steps... things i didnt do before. For now, let's just work on getting me to that first meeting! Thanks again everyone. It feels good to vent to people who know what i am going through! Have a great weekend. :)

avid · Guru

For now, let's just work on getting me to that first meeting!

Alrighty then.

Here is a link to finding your local helpline. This number is staffed by recovering addicts who as an act of service are willing to be "first responders" so to speak for addicts seeking help. One of the more common things these folks do is answer calls from struggling addicts who are nervous about getting to a meeting. The person answering should be able to hook you up with someone who will take, or at least meet you at a meeting, so you don't feel so strange and alone.

You may not realize it, but your higher power is already working in your life.

Give yourself a break and make the call.

http://na.org/?ID=phoneline

Polartorch · Veteran Member

Thank you for sharing with us Jessica, I can so relate with what you shared. That hopelessness, that despair... relapsing after a few hard-earned days or weeks clean. I was on-and-off for a long time this way, staying clean for a few days, weeks, even months, only to pick up again. One thing I kept doing throughout this period of struggle was to make meetings, whether I was stoned, turking or clean. It felt good to be in a NA meeting anyway.

Everytime I relapsed, felt more miserable, guilty and ashamed, I went back to the meetings with a vengeance, angry at my dis-ease, hell-bent on getting help from any Power that could keep me clean, I shared at the meetings that I picked up again, that I do not want to use anymore but don't know how to stop, I cried, asked for help, day after day after day, at meetings... finally I stopped relapsing, and I stayed stopped, in my Higher Power's own time. My last relapse was what made me really get involved in NA, taking a homegroup, a Sponsor, working the Steps, getting involved in NA service and activities...

Keep the faith, make meetings, whether we are still using or not, we belong in NA, as equally as anybody else, and I'm sure you will find exactly those members in your face-to-face meetings who will have faith in you and would like to help you. Keep connecting, keep reaching out at meetings...

Welcome to the Miracles In Progress Group of Narcotics Anonymous! This is not an official NA site, nor is it endorsed by the NA World Service Office.