Hi Guys, ive copied a post from a friends website,, basicalyy Im looking at a very strong secondary addiction and this reading has helped a lot and wanted to share this with yall,,
"Many people pursue recovery as a quest for knowledge. They judge the value of a seminar, book, or meeting based on how much new information they picked up. If they dont hear anything new, they tend to feel let down, as though it wasnt worth their time.
The implicit assumption is that learning leads to progress: the accumulation of new knowledge brings you further along the path. Being exposed to a new concepts is often seen as learning something if we can understand and grasp these new ideas, we feel like were moving forward.
Not necessarily.
What really matters is the process of translating that concept into tangible action. The learning of recovery involves not just storing more facts in our heads it means acquiring new knowledge that changes who we are (including how we live).
As is often stated in recovery meetings, this is a program of action. The problem we must overcome in recovery is not new knowledge acquisition it is execution. Our problem is not that we dont know enough the problem is that we dont act on what we know.
This is manifest in the tendency we have to learn new things about recovery, start to apply them, and then shortly thereafter, move on to some other new insights, some other new approach, and start acting on those ideas. Meanwhile, we stop doing the things we had started to do at first, because weve jumped to a new set of priorities and actions.
When people get slippery in their behaviors and/or have slips, it pretty much always come down to this: they have stopped doing the fundamentals. They drift away from key practices that they identified as key positive steps to help them in their recovery (going to meetings, making calls, engaging in open conversations with their spouse, engaging in spiritual practices, etc). Alongside of this, they have likely started compromising some of the middle circle behaviors things that are not necessarily breaking sobriety, but are unhealthy and feed our addictive tendencies (surfing around on the computer, isolating, harboring resentment, engaging in harmless flirting, etc.).
Put very simply the issue is this: our problems in recovery usually dont stem from things we dont know our problems stem from things we already know, but arent putting into action. Therefore the solution is probably not learning more stuff (going to workshops, seminars, counselors, and reading books and blogs looking for new and novel ideas about recovery). The solution is putting our knowledge - however limited - into action. So we do the things mentioned above (the workshops, books, etc) with the hope that they will motivate and inspire us to act on what we already know." Mark
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I know what he is talking about. In my mental health career I would often meet with patients who had excellent insight. They were however unable to incorporate that insight into meaningful action and so they did not grow, they did not change. It is only when we internalize our lessons in recovery and our spirituality that we demonstrate the change our program offers. Thanks for pointing that out Raman.
I gained a fab insight Don,, like ACTION IS THE MAGIC WORD !!
Brace yourself,,here is another from another friend....
"Let me just say this; I am a woman that can hold onto resentment!
When I feel I have been wronged, I will form a "frosty" attitude that not even a polar bear could stand it!
In recent times, however, first-hand experience has taught me that holding onto anger or wrapping myself in a blanket of resentment is not cool.
From an experience with a friend four years ago, I developed a technique I consistently practice called "Squash and Release."
"Squash and Release" is a technique that allows me to discover the REAL issue at hand; analyze my actions that may have caused the issue to arise; and confront the issue through discussion, apology or whatever steps necessary for me to squash my anger and release my resentment. Let me share a true story of how this technique helped me to resolve an issue and release resentment.
My friend and I had attended an event in Elgin, IL. When the event was over, he led me to the highway since I was unfamiliar with the area. As we were driving along in our separate cars, I was pulled over by the police.
Everything turned out okay. The police stopped me to make sure I knew one of my headlights didn't work. Although my friend stopped and waited for me until the ordeal was over, he didn't call me to find out what happened once we pulled back onto the highway. Instead of calling me, he called my passenger and asked her what happened. I didn't get this!
Why didn't he call and talk directly to me? How did he know if I was okay? Didn't he remember that I used an earpiece on my phone for hands-free conversations while driving?
These were questions that raced through my mind as I drove down the highway. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. I became so angry that when I did see him face-to-face about two days after the ordeal, I greeted him with such coldness that our communications were frozen shut for over a month!
As the days turned into weeks, the situation really began to disturb me. I knew I had to get a handle on myself because the anger and resentment was causing me major anxiety and putting enormous tension on our friendship.
Eventually, I sat myself down and took some time to think -- long, hard, and honestly about what had occurred.
First, I discovered the REAL issue at hand. I realized that my anger stemmed from the feeling that I did not feel safe and protected with him. By him not calling me directly to find out why the police had pulled me over, I felt that he was not concerned with my well-being and safety.
Next, I analyzed my actions that contributed to my feelings of anger and resentment. I asked myself such questions as, "Had I done anything to cause the issue?" "Did my attitude make the situation worse?" "Was he really being insensitive?" "Was it possible that he didn't remember that I wore an earpiece?" "Was I overreacting?" By the time I was done honestly answering those questions, I realized that I had overreacted and needed to resolve the tension filled situation -- "quick, fast and in a hurry."
Finally, I confronted the conflict in a private, one-on-one, conversation where I explained the reasons for my anger and apologized for my actions. Although he was shocked to hear my voice on the other end of the phone calling to discuss the situation, he was relieved that we were both able to state what caused us to behave as we did -- clearing up all confusion, assumptions and anger.
Needless to say, we had a good time learning from an uncomfortable situation. Apologizes were given and accepted by both parties and our friendship resumed. We never had any such instances again because he went out of his way to make me feel secure, and I went the extra mile to communicate without assumptions.
I encourage you to try "Squash and Release" if you are feeling angry about something or frustrated by someone. All you have to do is:
Identify the issue: figure out the REAL issue behind your emotions; determine actions or situations that have caused you discomfort; be certain not to allow your emotions to rule you; Assess the problem: analyze your actions; make sure you have not done anything to contribute to the problem; be prepared to apologize and change your behavior, if necessary; and Confront the conflict: take the necessary actions to assertively and positively handle the person or situation; schedule a private moment to address the person that is frustrating you or the right time to handle the conflict head on.
Although I have found I prefer face-to-face "Squash and Release" resolutions, you can use other methods such as phone calls, letters and personal cards. No matter which technique you use, the end result will be the same -- you will address the situation head-on, get all issues resolved and move beyond the anger and resentment.
As I had to learn, "Squash and Release" is an excellent way to guard your mental space from conflict. Instead of being overwhelmed by negative energy, exercise your mental space with positive and constructive thoughts. Whenever you are having conflict with someone or over something, make sure that you take time to "Squash and Release."
You will be glad you did." Cassandra
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
