lets see friday my parents were leaving for toledo for my sisters graduation. friday night i went to a meeting for church and when i left it was just starting to rain. now let me say right now that i am deathly afraid of thunderstorms. by the time i drove a min down the road it was pouring and lighting a lot. by the time i drove 3 more minutes it was raining so hard i couldn't see and windy that i could barely stay on the road. by the time i drove 2 more min and turned on my street it was hailing the size of baseballs it was raining so hard i couldnt see the lightning was so bright i had to close my eyes. i thought my windshield was going to break on my face. i was thinking about just pulling over but i was shaking so bad and im pretty sure i had a heart attack and a panic attack at the same time so i just gunned it down the street and into the garage. then i turned on the weather and guess what it says. tornado warning for my town. just my town. it said there was a tornado spotted in town and i live 5 min out of town. i was supposed to have a party at my house because my parents werent home but since it was tornadoing outside i had to stay home ALONE during multiple tornado spottings when im deathly afraid of thunderstorms.
sat work in the morning. horse clinic till noon. laundry allllllllllll day. more hail storms and bad thunderstorms. got my car fixed! and went to a concert! it was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good. The Classic Crime. you should check them out. Madina Lake - eh they suck live. Ivoryline = AWESOME. openers-eh ok. had a blast with my friends
anddddddd today. today is mothers day. i hate holidays. its going to sound bad but i hate spending time with my family. it makes me sad. i dont know why but it does. it makes me just want to curl up in a ball and cry. i went to church today and just sat in the pew and cried.
but this week is finals week and i just cant wait to be done with my first year college that i never thought would ever happen. but it did.
-- Edited by LizC on Sunday 9th of May 2010 10:07:58 PM
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
hey thanks for sharing that, yes at times the dark side of nature could be quite scary I agree. A few days back, there was this storm setting in and me and my wife were watching out of our window, and I could see that there were some asbestos tiles lying in the school ground opposite my place, and these big asbestos tiles started moving, and lifting in air a bit. That scared me and I remember telling my wife that these could start flying around if this storm increases to worsen, and this could be a very dangerous development. My wife laughed about it and suggested that I was being paranoid. Nothing of the sort that I imagined took place although the storm, thunder and lightning continued to invade throughout that evening. I thought maybe I panicked and was paranoid after all.
The next morning I wake up, and read in the newspaper that a few hundred trees in the city have been uprooted, and in another state of our country, it was actually reported that such tiled roofs of houses (asbestos sheets) started flying around violently and even sliced through a few people, around the same time when I was expressing the same fearful thoughts to my wife last evening. It turned out that I wasn't being paranoid after all...
In 1967, (19 yrs old),off the coast of Greece,we were in a typhoon looking at 30-40 foot waves,ship goes black,lost steering in the Con and I could hear from the distance the waves breaking against the rocks on the land.I was so afraid that I was not afraid,I knew then sort of like I knew when I finally surrendered my drug addiction(in '84), it could only be God's plan for what the outcome would be.To this day I have an awesome respect for the power of nature ,especially the ocean.Be good to finish school huh, Liz,enjoy the summer,remember also our literature tells us"realationships can be a terribly painful area!Keep asking you HP for strength in those areas..Talk to you later.Have a blessed day.................
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hey Liz, I could relate to allot of what you said...I have driven in conditions like those you described and it is indeed terrifying. Tornadoes are the scariest storms of all. Here in Florida Hurricanes is our biggest fear. I also understood what you said about not liking holidays or wanting to be around family. I felt that way for many years. I withdrew and isolated and would only participate if I was dragged in. For me that has changed completely around. Now I love being around family. I miss them. Liz, I gotta tell you that this post really impressed me in terms of your growth in recovery. You were able to share your fears, the pressure you are under, and the mundane grind of your daily routine, but there was no rage like before. It was not too long ago when along with this post there would be screaming, a string of curses and finger pointing at others you would blame for your misery. This post was more of an honest share of a snapshot of your life without the hate, more accepting of life on life's terms. This is a powerful message of recovery and I thank you so much for sharing it. May God bless you with acceptance and love.
something else that i forgot to mention is since ive gotten clean, im afraid of dying. this is a girl whos tried to kill herself multiple times and almost succeeded but now is afraid. to die. driving home in that storm i thought i was going to die and that scared the shit out of me.
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
hMMM feelings,out the numbness of medication(self-inflicted) now thats where the work takes on a new outlook..I agree with Don ,Liz,you are sharing from inside now and looking at some of the "eaxct nature" of whats keeping you tied up!!Way to go ,enjoy life clean and serene!!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
