Im sure my ex husband wondered that very same thing and the truth is It was both sometimes and then sometimes it was one or the other -all with-in a short time span. When you are first introduced to the program, We havent fully accepted that its all in your HP hands and that we are powerless- It takes time and thats why we do our steps in the order that we do. The number one thing is to want to stop using! We didnt get addicted in one day and it does take time, and alot of faith in our HP to get there. It depends on so many different factors. The main thing I would say is to trust your gut intuision.
Hey Delta! good to see you! our 12th step tells us 'the steps are evidenced by changes in our lives,the changes make us better able to live by spiritual principles and carry the message of recovery,however the message is 'MEANINGLESS"unless WELIVE IT! As we live it our our lives and action give it more meaning than our "words or literature: ever could.Changes should show up in actions and not just words,trust in your inner feelings,is he using his sponsor if he has one?,making meetings,doing things differently?. You can't make him do that and shouldn't try but if he is working it will be self evident.Go slow,trust has to be earned.talk with you later...
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Unless it's pretty obvious that someone is sharing B.S. I generally believe them. There honesty has nothing to do with me. It's between them and their higher power.
OK, maybe I read this wrong. If you are asking about a loved one (for example) who is promising to change, stay clean and work the program etc. and you have heard this all before, but now maybe ....just maybe they mean it????????????? OK.....I wouldn't pay attention to the words at all. It's all in the behavior. If I see changes in what they do, and how they act and react to situations and it's positive, I would acknowledge that. But "we didn't become addicted in one day so remember, easy does it" same holds true for rebuilding trust.
Thanks for your reply, Mikee it has been a while. He is now in long term treatment center and has a sponsor. If you remember my story, he went to jail last year after braking into a business and prior to being arrested, I kicked him out of our home in April 2009. After we separated, I had to get a restraining order so that he would stop stealing everything in and around our home.
My husband has been in treatment since December of 2009. His ability to make rational and logical decisions is gradually improving. He now accepts full responsibility for his actions and behavior while under the influence of crack.
I am grateful for this little progress and I take my life and his recovery "one day at a time". As you already know, I am in Al-Anon and have a sponsor and currently working the 12 steps.
My husband picked up his 6 month chip last week, and I was very proud of him. I know he still has a long way to go but I am prayerfully hopeful. I know from experience, that AA's 12 step program works! But only if you work it.
God has blessed my life in so many ways and my life has changed for the better because of it.
Right now, my husband is talking the talk, he is still in treatment and is required to work and pay rent each week to say at the 3rd phase half-way house.
I can see small incremental changes in him and I pray that his HP will work to positively change his life and deliver him from the addiction of crack. My HP has change my life my life and trust that his HP will do the same.
Time is my best friend. I have decided that for my peace of mind not to allow my husband to move back in with me after he completes treatment. He has agreed to move in with his parents who are in a better situation to help him financially. Right now my husband is carrying too much financial and legal baggage that would drown me. Especially since he has no transportation after paying off his SUV last year, he turned around and gave it to his crack man.
Al-Anon has given me the patience I need to to wait and see and know that God can change all things.
Thanks everyone for being here for me and giving me a place to share.
-- Edited by DeltaRedd1984 on Friday 30th of April 2010 09:00:44 PM
-- Edited by DeltaRedd1984 on Friday 30th of April 2010 10:01:14 PM
Delta, ,it is difficult situation as I had shared we are somewhat similar with my son being and addict and also a qualifier for my other 12 step process.I give you props for sticking to your convictions and doing what is right for you,In the long run,and this is the part hard to figure ,it is the best for them also.I know all the things from my own 25 years of addiction but for some reason when its close to home,(kids ,husbands,daughters) we lose our rationale and still think we "can fix em'!!No one could fix me but the Grace of God and my own total surrender.You have come light years from your early posts last year and wish you continued strength.I would suggest you continue the 'work" you do,give it to God(3rd/11th steps daily)and take it as you are "one day at a time".Thank you for your sharing of "how this process can work.God bless you and your family.Keep coming back let us know how its going.Tell your husband for us,congrats on 6 months,that is the miracle and continue with his support ,he can do this also..peace
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
