LOL yep the stress and strain of everything broke my ass i finally got pissed at my girlfriend (EX) again for some shit she was doing and lost it, of course what and whom i'm dealing with is ridiculous (child like) and i really need to let her go i just may have done it this time ( its done ).
Not a totally melt down it was some what controlled no yelling at the top of my lungs but I have raised my voice to a level of aggitation that makes it real obvious i'm falling backwards with this, i guess it's a koind of emotional relapse, I was doing good the last few months with her and we were.
well as i was typing this i called she was coming by today but thats not happeniong its done and over with now i need to find serenity with it and be ok with this and i really REALLY should be and will be in time...thats my spew for the day lol
Purge it Vin! get it out,read it back and move forward.Keep you in prayer man!!Whats our literature tells us about relationships"they can be a "terribly 'painful area!! some addicts sure knew what they was talking about huh!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Thanks guys yeah i'm sure this time i had an epiphany that i've been trying to fit my square ass into a round hole LOL thats as simple as it can get and you know i'm totally ok with this this morning, i accept that fact we're just totally on 2 different pages we have very little in common we're to much not alike LOL I wont go into details but she's a young gal who is still quite immature and still wants to party a lot, she's very naive about people and grabs onto others who flow with life like there on a ride and if they wreck OH WELL ! and who they hurt OH WELL ! its all about fun and thats not me ANY MORE...
I am also very emotionally immature but i have a lot of other good qualitys that are begining to grow even my immature parts begining to grow and I really dont need to be held down or be a door mat to someone, i'm not going to settle for less either but the bottom line is that square peg and round hole i've been trying to hard to make them fit..surrender, acceptance, letting go.
we must be rid of SELF once thats done our feelings dont get hurt we dont worry so much about our RIGHTS and what WE DESERVE, others become important and we become useful. makes for a whole lot less trouble LOL
Weeeelp its over and IM GLAD now i have to stay out of obsession and compulsion and turn it over, we're just ni-ot right for each other thats part of the struggle plus i'm MALAJUSTED lol . Things will get better as long as I stay on track one day i'll be more fit to handle a loving relationship but today i'm to malajusted and no i'm not taking all the heat she's got her issues too but thats none of my damn business.
we must be rid of SELF once thats done our feelings dont get hurt we dont worry so much about our RIGHTS and what WE DESERVE, others become important and we become useful.
Nice to see you get all Zen about it V. I have no doubt that your HP has a nice lady for you who will be the perfect fit.
Thanks avid yesterday went really well i stayed out of self and not much pain, starting fresh again this morning, some mind wondering wanting to talk to her but the talkins over the contact is over the starting over is over LOL. Just keeping in mind her attitude towards me keeps me humble, the damage I did I carry but I seek forgiveness along with never repeating thoughs behaviors .
God's will is being done I had much to learn from this , many lessons one things for sure I nearly relapsed over this and didn't so theres a plus.
and no i'm not taking all the heat she's got her issues too but thats none of my damn business.
