Last night I was overcomed witht he urge to use, I pased back and forth in my apartment unitl I grabbed my keys and headed out, half way to the dope hole I saw a bunch of cops I got scared and made a u turn back to my place where I proceeded to masturbate about ten times trying to get the urge to go away, now I have just woken up from a coma like sleep and actually feel as if I had used, did I relapse I think I did in a way , did I ? I would like to hear clarification please...i have almost 6 months clean, can I pick up my 6 months chip when the time comes, or kill myself...
Hey Hugo! MikeF here... you know my son(23 yrs ) had vivid dope dreams when he first started kicking,so real he wasn't sure if he used or not.Only thing made him aware was his environment.(waking up in our crib instead of the street where he was...The mind is a powerful thing.Intent I would presume is definitely somewhat different than action,although in the laws eyes ,intent is still punishable.(you are punishing yourself) I would highly suggest you get around people in recovery,share like your life depends on it,cause looks as if it does now and run to the next meeting.Your going to have to really want this thing to get past where you at now..Play the tape all the way back,weigh the options and pray to your God! Theoptions of a "6 month chip or suicide" are out of focus as I am hoping you areaware.This thing(recovery) got to happen everyday,one day at a time..Reread your own bio and "get inside".Stick around man,for us to be here this long is a miracle,go to the 'MIRACLE MAKER' surrender it all,and do the 'WORK" YOU KNOW YOU NEED TO DO......LOVE YOURSELF MAN,AND I will LOVE YOU TOO AND PRAY FOR PEACE IN YOUR HEART AND MIND.Remember its a process,first it gets good,then it gets real good,then it gets real!Ain't preachin man I just do care......
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
The truth is you are an addict - and more than likely the dreams will come for awhile - I have learned until we have different conscious thoughts then our subconscious will always do what it is use to - thinking of using - so give yourself a break - don't pick up no matter what - and continue on this road of recovery your thoughts will change and so will your dreams
i say yes... cause you didn't actually pick up drugs..... i have had many mental lapses without actually using. I have had dreams so real that it takes a moment to decide what was real and what was dreamed....... as long as you don't actually use drugs you have your clean time
so congrats on your 6 months clean... your a whole half that's awesome !!!!!!!!
keep it up
Andrea
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
i say yes... cause you didn't actually pick up drugs..... i have had many mental lapses without actually using. I have had dreams so real that it takes a moment to decide what was real and what was dreamed....... as long as you don't actually use drugs you have your clean time
so congrats on your 6 months clean... your a whole half that's awesome !!!!!!!!
keep it up
Andrea
Thank you Andrea, but I just want to make it clear that I actually got on my car and drove off with the intention of coping, but like I said I chickenout as soon as I saw the cops......
PIck up your chip You didn't relapse. Your higher power put those cops there but you turned away and didn't go somewhere else. Maybe next time you won't be so lucky Call someone B4 walking out the door.
i say yes... cause you didn't actually pick up drugs..... i have had many mental lapses without actually using. I have had dreams so real that it takes a moment to decide what was real and what was dreamed....... as long as you don't actually use drugs you have your clean time
so congrats on your 6 months clean... your a whole half that's awesome !!!!!!!!
What you are going through is very common and has nothing to do with relapse...it is part of the post acute withdrawal (PAW)syndrome in the body/brain. Sometimes when we go through these very confusing physical and mental "torments" in early recovery, we forget it is just part of the powerlessness we have over this thing.
Pick up your chip/key tag with pride for your day-at-a-time six months.
Just FYI, 9 months and a year are also known to be physically and mentally especially difficult times, as the PAW is still perking along for about a year, depending on what/how much we used. Researchers don't know why it spikes every three months, or why it often kicks up in five-year "anniversary" cycles, just that it often does. When I was dealing with PAW, I was cautioned to really watch that I was getting good nutrition, rest, & exercise, in addition to my daily abstinence and recovery tools of meetings, sponsor, etc.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
Hey Hugo! You know you asked a question and I gave you a lot of blather but never a real answer,kind of like lawyer talk.You know say a lot of words but never come to any conclusions.I definitely say "yes" also pick up your tag and be proud of it.We say clean time don;t equal recovery but some days just the thought of throwing that away is enough to get you thru that moment. Lee gave you a medical backround in what is sometimes called "dope dreams"Definitely stay aware of whats going on with you and keep coming back here.Let us know when you get your chip,keep it in your pocket and move forward.Have a blessed day...........
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Last night I was overcomed witht he urge to use, I pased back and forth in my apartment unitl I grabbed my keys and headed out, half way to the dope hole I saw a bunch of cops I got scared and made a u turn back to my place where I proceeded to masturbate about ten times trying to get the urge to go away, now I have just woken up from a coma like sleep and actually feel as if I had used, did I relapse I think I did in a way , did I ? I would like to hear clarification please...i have almost 6 months clean, can I pick up my 6 months chip when the time comes, or kill myself...
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