I am truly going nuts with a particular defect - I am unwilling to let it go - actually I just don't know how - I am currently working step 6 - I have years clean - been battling this same freakn defect for years - I am totally frustrated with myself - I am almost embarrassed with it. I have a HP - I am working on my relationship with HP - I just don't trust what I feel - and its causing chaos in my life, causing confusion and me constantly doubting - This is not an issue of me wanting to pick up - its an issue of being freed from the crazies in my head - HELP!!
I am unwilling to let it go - actually I just don't know how
I understand those feelings. I have been there, as many of us have. This is a classic time to use the telephone. Call your sponsor or others in the fellowship with good recovery. Ask them there experience with this particular defect. Be specific. Ask them how they got over it. Just trust that you are not the only person to have struggled with this particular defect and that others will be very very happy to share with you what they did or are doing to try and overcome it. Good luck and thanks for this post.
In my hard won experience, defects of character havent disappeared simply because I was illing to let them go. A life time of habit cannot be wished away by magic,,, no sireee.
The most valuable clue I got when struggling with the influence of defects is to move away from them. This meant not only being willing bt actually asking HP to allow me to live life free of the shortcoming which instigates the defects to spring up in the first place..
An example was anger; I was informed that to expect to be completey free of nger was as good as looking for fools gold. By walking the Steps, I moved away from anger so the instances of anger decresed which was an improvement. Then what was revealed was the the problem was not only the defect of anger but the central issue was the shortcoming of trying to control that anger. So the first thing was ak God to free me from the illusiion that I could control anger and then whenevr anger came back, walk away from it. Im not a coward to move away from defects, just shows I have no control over em so I will not say in that space.
I hope my share was understandable,,,,sure allowed me the luxury of voicing my experience, strength and hope !!! Thanks .
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Hi Terry ,nice meeting you!Although we will always have shortcomings,character defects,fallen nature,truly the only thing that has helped me unload some lifetime defects is the relationship I have with my Higher Power.By totally turning the thing eating me alive over(care of) to God and then most importantly taking what action I need to and then getting out of the way and waiting for the miracle it is almost scary how it comes in time,not mine ,but my HP'S.Like our 3rd step tells us a 'DECISION IS MEANINGLESS" WITHOUT ACTION.We make the decison God works out the results.I love when we read;WE DIDN'T GET HERE OVERNITE SO EASY DOES IT!The things I need to unload are the things I work on,sharing in meetings,talking with my sponsor/grandsponsor and with my God(daily).I have an incessant need to 'BE RIGHT " in situations so I not only share that is my need when Im in the situation but pray hard to "let it go " if it isn't for anyones benefit but mine.The rest I would need my large computer to write down() but thats why we have a 'process" to work.Thanks for helping keep us honest and sharing in our own recovery.Just for Today,trust in your HP ,release it and get out of the way ,wait for the miracle..Nice talking with ya.keep comin back...Webster says'HUMBLY"is meekly,submissevly,abjectly and others but also says "on bended knee,the one I like,truly from the heart,bowed down and asking...........peace....
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Each time an opportunity arises for me to act or react to something or someone and i know a character defect is involved I think it through, I try to PAUSE take a quik inventory and change the way I handle it, each time I do this is like training myself to a new way. Some things get easier some things take a lot of work but if you refuse to change it then your accepting the circumstances that come from that decision.
Seek Gods will and let that guide you.
-- Edited by BigV on Monday 29th of March 2010 10:07:33 AM
) but thats why we have a 'process" to work.Thanks for helping keep us honest and sharing in our own recovery.Just for Today,trust in your HP ,release it and get out of the way ,wait for the miracle..Nice talking with ya.keep comin back...Webster says'HUMBLY"is meekly,submissevly,abjectly and others but also says "on bended knee,the one I like,truly from the heart,bowed down and asking...........peace....
