What should you do if your anonimity has been broken? I had a person go to my sig. other and tell them everything I have been saying about us and myself. I am very angry but dont want to leash out. What to do?
I no longer believe in confrontation as a way of solving problems. It implies that i have power over another person and I have learned I do not. I share openly at meetings, but there are things that I will only share with the most trusted members of my support group. NA is a fellowship of sick addicts. It's naive to assume that everyone at a meeting will adhere to spiritual principles. I would try to take this breach of confidentiality as an opportunity to be honest with my mate. Perhaps this is your higher power at work.
I did talk to her yesterday. All I said to her is 'aninimoty is the foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to put priciples before personalities.' In the past I would have slammed her. I am proud that NA has taught me to be more accepting and how to talk to people. She cried and I hugged her. I told her it was ok. She knew what she did and I did not have to yell! I feel good with the outcome. And I think she is better now that she knows I still love her and care for her and that im not mad.
1. Confrontation isnt meant to be powerful over another person. The word is not to be mistaken for attack or some other such offensive behaviour. The process simply involves going to that person and placing "evidence" before them and asking why !!! This comes from the counselling field and seems to be valid in interpersonal relations in NA too.
2. We get sicker when the secrets we share are leaked out. . It causes incredible pain when trust is broken thus. Havent we heard the anonymity statement in meetings which goes as follows= "Who we see hear and what we hear here, when we leave here please let it stay here !"
How many times have we heard relative newcomers cry in meetings about how they shared something and their anonymity was broken,, making them more miserable than ever !
Ive been in a very bad space when that happened to me,,, that breach of trust and sense of shamefulness till lurks in the background many years later when I talk to anyone from that bunch.
Yes you are right Manon,,, We are as sick as our secrets; but that statements got to be understood in the right context. What i share in a meeting is a secret between us, not to be revealed outside. Keeping such secrets keep us in a healthy spiritual space ! So Manon, Im sorry to say that we need to relate to context. What you are refering to is an addict keeping dark secrets within and not wanting to share, thereby getting sicker and weirder !
However, we are also cautioned to be careful with whom we share !!! (Step 5, BT.) Id also add a personal note that Im careful what I share with who and mostly do so on a need to know basis !!!
-- Edited by Raman on Monday 22nd of March 2010 02:32:27 PM
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Im really glad you got that sorted out Marigold. Im very happy to hear an addict share that they did not let fear or "properness" stop them from resloving a situation !
How many times do we hear addicts say they stopped coming to meetings cause their anonymity was broken ? That situation is compounded by wrong advice about how to resolve the issue.
Ive experienced sadness and self-pity and fear many times i recovery becuse i chose to do fatal cool and pretend I was not affected. Added to my misery and made me feel useless.
Nowadays Im Blessed insofar as breaking of my anonymity is concerned but still does happen at times. That last time this happened was 3 months ago. I did what I now works best for me. I did not react then but next day sent him a text message . I stated that I thought it was most inapprpriate that he mentioned to another some secret about myself that the other guy had no business knowing.
I extend the same anonymity to others who share with me!!!
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
