Morning family! On Saturday we have a "new" meeting that just started up bout a month ago.Its called New Beginnings and it is an NA meeting but a lot of the men that live there are from another fellowship or attend both fellowships.So anyway,I wasn;t planning on making this meeting this week as its pouring rain up here and I was going to my 3:00 p,m, meeting,my sponcee wasn;t able to go with me,but anyway I decided to go last minute.I walk in the door about 5 minutes to go and Chair tells me guy from upstate couldnt make it would I share.I never say no but this is an IP meeting and discussion so I asked what topic would be and he said any IP or just for today,I chose sponsorship/recovery after we read IP(its a long one)Anyway couple weeks ago my grandsponsor and I had been discussing step work and how sponsors do theirs and how their sponcees do theirs ,termination of sponcees etc,lot of different issues,in fact their has been some blogging here about ideas etc we do.So im home reading 12th step and literature tells us that steps are awakening of spiritual nature,evidenced by change in our lives,changes make us better to share message of recovery,but that message is meaningless unless we live it,And as we live it our lives and actions give it more meaning than our words and literature ever could.This immediately brought me back to thinking of my first "sponsor: in 1984.A gruff mid 70 year old man,from the other fellowship who took me under his wing when I surrendered in 84.He took me to meetings ,yelled at my crap,and didnt cosign anything from me.The thing we never did though was talk about spiritual principles,step work,service(although he did go into prisons to speak with 'lifers")or any program stuff.He died a few years later and I went forward free and clean from drugs but my life ravigged by MANIFESTATIONS OF ADDICTION ,something I wasnt aware I had.How could I attend meetings and not hear about ,SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLES,SERVICE,WORK etc.., CLOSEMINDEDNESS,its real,in fact I even caught resentments of being told what I should,nt do and who I couldnt hang with, I WAS,NOT READY!!wasnt till I REenterd the rooms of NA that I realized I was an addict,that i suffered from a disease OF ADDICTION that was physical mental and spiritual and recovery was way different than abstinence.I needed a sponsor,step work,meetings,service and an absolute faith in a HP of whom I choose to call God in my life It was no longer a mystery to me why my life was so devastated even after many years of being clean...Bob S died a lonely,brokenhearted,resentful man.I and a few other addicts,couple prison people and no family were only ones at his funeral.OUR LIVES AND ACTIONS GIVE IT MOREMEANING THAN OUR WORDS EVER COULD,yes we can carry the message in silence but without the spiritual principles of the steps,the solution and a trust in a HP we can remain clean of all substances but do we really ever recover??Now there is no doubt in my mind that it was no coincidence that I needed to free myself of this and take part in my own recovery and that i was asked to share on the spur of the moment by the group that I hadnt even planned on getting to.If you are new here or to the process,stick around,take suggestions,learn about the "whole" program and go to work early.. I love this process and still at times am in awe of 'IT WORKS,HOW AND WHY!For all the years of Saturdays I spent in the muck and mire I am truly grateful to be part of Saturdays in a 'NEW LIFE"Didnt mean to write a diatribe but my excitement got me 1 finger typing.thanks for listening.....
-- Edited by MIKEF on Saturday 13th of March 2010 01:58:27 PM
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
There really is a lot to do, a spiritual awakening and real change come about when we attend meetings, do step work working with a sponsor, do service work and help others and get honest about all of it at least to the best of our ability. I think too listening to old timers who have worked the steps over and over again i hear there message as living the program day in and day out.
I've been dry did little and got not much in return, when the shit hit the fan i relapsed, i learned my lesson my last relapse after having stayed dry 5 years I got into action right away after coming back and got active here, but that wasn't enough that got me through 3 years clean then the shit hit the fan and i had no real close ties for help and i had to get back into the rooms, find that sponsor and start working the steps , or else die.
The spiritual principles are slowly becoming apart of me and how i livethis is important for me because the best of what i had got me here and got me back out there and i want to stay. I need the coping skills and tools and the basic understanding of love for my fellow man and for myself. And for that i need to know God and let him run this life of mine as i walk it with him. This is not the easiest of tasks ego has to be leveld always remaining humble is not easy but I need peace and thats where its at, Gods will not mine .
