I'm not sure why , but for some unknown reason I feel terribly depress, I'm closing in on 5 months clean, and feel that my life is going no where no matter how hard I try, me and my wife don't have sex any more, we don't even cuddle even though I hint it all the time, she spends all her time on the computer playing those stupid web games, this evening I was alone in my room I started entertaining the though of getting high, I figured if I'm miserable I might as well get high but all I did was fantazise about it, then my wife walks in and catches me masturbating, ofcourse I was embarresed and so was she as she tried to play it off, any ways having bursted my bubble I got dressed and got ready to go to a meeting, but I felt very angry, I did even say good bye to her, so I went to the meeting where I vented on another subject, but now I'm back but still feel like shit.
Hey Hugo! livin without getting wasted when things seem out of sorts is part of our journey.I would think an opportunity happened for you tonight to share with your wife about your intimacy problems of late.Be honest /hAVE YOU TRIED ANY SERVICE YET AT ANY MEETINGS?You know coffee maker,early set up/late clean up.Whatever your going thru,picking up will multiply it by 1000%,im sure you know that.I had to shake myself up by doing things out of character for me during my early years.I found a martial arts group,a running group,played in a band and did things that took me out of isolation and put me with different kind of people.Dont forget your partner though.,we are obsessive/compulsive people..Good checking in here man,Stay close to your recovery.Make a gratitude list even if it don't look like much,compared to where we came from it will definitely look better.Hang in there ,we all get in a funk.Try and work that anger out ,it will eat you alive.peace man! did you get a pair of running sneaks for high arches yet?.Take an hour on the road ,burning some energy,getting some endorphins and talk with your HP,brings great serenity...talk to you on the rebound!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I think Mike is onto something. I've noticed that whenever I feel I'm not getting enough of anything, the solution for me has been to give. It sounds crazy, but by being generous in spirit and giving, to the fellowship, to your church, to your family etc., has reaped big rewards for me. I get back much more than I give. Funny how the lessons I learn in recovery are so opposite of what used to make sense to me. "what a long strange trip it's been" But for the first time ever, I'm loving it.
Me and my beloved are now in couple's counseling and it is beginning to help...we made sure the therapist has experience with substance use disorders and other significant factors about our individual selves that affect our relationship...we found we needed a trained faciltator so we could really talk about stuff in a "safe" environment. Whether or not the realtionship survives as a marriage (common law) at least we have a realistic hope that the issues will come to the surface and be resolved without us damaging each other. No small thing, that. Love is worth fighting for, IMHO.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
I damn sure not a guru on relationships - but I do know picking up - does not bring freedom nor peace - and whatever we go thru - it will be different sooner or later - just wait on your HP - a good way to wait - Is prayer, talking to other addicts, service work - maybe just holding your partners hand -smiling every now and then and not picking up - It really works - This is just life stuff - so we get to practice being a part of life - talk to you soon - don't give in to the belief that using is better -It truly is a lie
good awareness, good shareing, thanks, keep comin back, don't use no matter what.....once we get here, we get the NA "curse", do u know what that is???? the NA "curse"???? it is....Jails, institutions and death! Please don't use dammit
