why do i let men take advantage of me and then stomp all over me. hurt me with their words and their fists? why do i let what horrible things they say to me make me so depressed and hurt me inside and out. they hurt me which ends up with me hurting myself. i feel disgusted and dirty and used and then just thrown to the side like a gum wrapper. no matter how many times i take a shower i will still feel gross and not worth anything. im angry at myself. i cut myself because maybe the blood will cover up the grossness i feel all over. but it doesnt. i cant use but the monster is creeping slowly into my life. heres a sentence or so from one of my favorite books by a recovering addict/alcoholic who inspired the movement To Write Love On Her Arms.
Fuck your dead plants, i want to stomp on them, scatter them against the wall... but. i want to hold them, cherish them, because maybe you thought of me before you Fucked us all - Purpose for the Pain.
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Good question. Guy in Bklyn always told me "Because Y is a crooked letter." Meaning who the heck really knows? Maybe a better question is "why not?" Why not do something different next time? Every day, every hour, every minute presents us with choices. And consequences. I don't ask Y anymore, 'cuz I done did the therapy thing and I know why, but until and unless I make different choices, Y just does not matter. What matters is what I choose to do next. Which I always (always try anyway) pray for knowledge of his will for me before I go off on my own and do something that I'm just gonna have to cry "Y?" over. If I am clean & sober and actually listening, usually I "hear" what I need to do right by myself (and others.)
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
his will for me and the power to carry that out thanx for the reminder I needed just that It will never seize to amaze me at what I read in some posts I am grateful to be open minded enough to take suggeastions that was the hardes t part whn I first found the program and even now defience is eaier cause I am the kind of addict that can compicate a Hapyy Meal
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Turn your will and life over to the care of God Liz and be guided by the good which means we have to do whats right for ourselves and not get caught up in other peoples shit, you'll see through the bullshit once you start living this way and make better choices. Stop hurting yourself even when and especially when your in pain and get on those knees in prayer and meditation, start listening to Gods loving voice in your ear, find calmness and peace but you have to be quiet and still, it takes practice sweety but you can do it, if I can u durn well can :)P we love you.
