Will Recovery always be this Lonely?

sstaceye69 · Senior Member

Will Recovery always be this Lonely?

avid · Guru

I understand why you think staying away from the fellowship in your area is protecting your daughters. But is it the wisest choice?
Many addicts thought there using was a big secret only to find out later that it was pretty widely known. If your using really was on the "down low" then your anonymity in recovery could be as well.
In any event staying clean is critical.
Getting connected to other recovering addicts is usually suggested as a vital part of recovery.
There is no doubt that some people who learn that we are recovering addicts will judge us negatively. But it is equally true that many people will compliment us on our new way of life.
Might I suggest that you talk to your daughters.
Read them the post you started this thread with.
Ask them their opinions about your concerns for their protection vs. your need to surround yourself with recovery.
Don't die from fear of embarrassment.
You are in my prayers.

MIKEF · Guru

Hey sStaceye69! Congratulations on 7 months clean!!You also will have to work out with your family and daughters your feelings,being "honest'Your recovery depends on it!Your situation is similar to mine early on in my recovery.I had a sponsor from another fellowship and we made meetings for about a year and he then died,he was like in his mid 70;s. We never worked steps or recovery we just made meetings.When he died I just stayed clean (abstinent) by joining other groups of people totally different than the usual for me and that helped.The real deal was though I WAS CLEAN BUT NOT IN RECOVERY,A BIG DIFFERENCE.mY LIFE WAS A REAL MESS BECAUSE i HADNT INCORPORATED the spiritual principles of the program into my life and relied on the God of my understanding.Self sponsorship was a washout for me.Your recovery must remain first,because if not staying in the solution of being around recovering addicts,reenforcing your recovery with meetings,sponsorship complacency sets in and you know what that can do.Pray about it,God will bring you the answers,you'll have to "listen" hard.I also will keep you in prayer.I believe you know what you need to do as you are here sharing and thats great.We can't help what other people"think" about us but we can live a life that will reflect who we are thru God's grace.I wish you peace ,good hearing from you. smile

sstaceye69 · Senior Member

Thanks guys! Everything you said made perfect sense of course. I guess my post was a little misleading. Sorry about that. My girls' have chilled out a lot every since they realized how important going to the meetings are in my recovery. Don't get me wrong, their still 15 & 17. In other words, they understand I need to go but they also need for me to keep it private. I understand how they must feel because their teenagers. They are trying & we've still got a very long road ahead of us. I always led 2 different lives or up until the last year or so anyway. When I said my recovery has mostly been kept private it was for my dad more than anything else. He's was head of homocide for over 28 yrs for the city of Anniston when he retired. Now he is chief investigator of sex crimes for 3 counties where we live. I have caused him enough pain & suffering. Not to mention all of the humilation. My driver's license are suspended so I have to get them to take me to meetings and as supportive as they are I can just tell they are praying I can do this by going to on-line meetings and reading all of the aa/na literature, etc.. It's just not enough and I don't want to embarrass them anymore so I feel like I am damned if I do & damned if I don't. I mean i've been home for 7 months & only attended 5-6 meetings. Haven't found a sponser. I am getting nervous because I know if this continues where I'll be in a very short time. Thanks so much for listening & your support.

Thanks again,
Stacey

MIKEF · Guru

hEY sstaceye69!Thanks for sharing your response,lets me know you a little better.Funny my father was a cop,then a detective and then a county court clerk working for the judge, in upstate New York,I know what you mean with all the embarrassment and grief caused in their lives(he was also a compulsive gambler and loved another woman beside my mother) I did misinterpret your first share,it can be trying for your teenagers,but better them see you working program then walking the street for the next one.You know I had similar situation when I surrendered in 1984,I didnt know anyone who wasn't using ,played in a rock band with musicians all using(part of that lifestyle)so for me I had to basically resign myself from all PEOPLE I KNEW AND THE ENVIRONMENTS.Talk about social animal!!.I had to totally do different things out of character for me to pull it together early on.I joined a church group,joined a martial arts group and studied the art,joined a running community and trained for road racing and marathons,joined a group for parents/relatives of addicts as my son Opiate abuser(now in recovery)but until I rejoined NA my life never settled.I walked with God of my understanding but until i PRACTISED THE SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLES OF PROCESS,my life was a mess and even with God i WAS TALKING GOOD AND LIVING DIRTY IN MY HEART.I found being in recovery and not just clean,difference was light years apart Being able to give back and do service and sponsor others,has really helped keep me in focus.Also by putting my higher power first in all things everything else fell into place.My 40 year old children,that I just last year reSumed a relationship WITH LAST May ,both told me they knew I was in tRouble but they loved me and were so glad I decided to live.You have decisions to make but you already know that meetings,sponsorship and service can take you to the level you need to be at,all under the God of your understandings guidance.I'll pray for you to make the decisions you need to and wish you peace.Didn't mean for long diatribe but some times I babble on,,talk to you later .......... smile

BigV · Senior Member

I have hobbies now that brought me into a new group of friends, hell recently in the last few month i met a gal who's just a friend to hang out with she's not in the program and she's very nice and i hang out with her doing stuff nothing more just hang out. tonight theres a thing to take your sponsor to dinner and a speaker meeting so im doing that. I got a roomate recently so im not alone so much and he's in the program.

But even with all that i feel so alone emotionally without my girlfriend around she filled a need/ want or something, maybe it was just intamacy, yeah thats whats missing bleh

Manon · Guru

stacy I can so relate with what you have written I am sure it does get better the spring is coming tons of NA activities are gonna start coming up I would do whatI could to try to get involved because together we can alone wee can't

avid · Guru

I am getting nervous because I know if this continues where I'll be in a very short time.

That kinda says it all Stacey.
I know you want to spare your family any further grief, but you seem to know that what your doing isn't working.
When I get into situations where I think compromising my recovery sounds like a good idea, I think back to the times when;
I was handcuffed,
crying, apologizing, and swearing I'd never do it again,
caught in a lie,
talking to my children in a jail house visiting room
going through withdrawals
and so on....I think you get the picture.
Spend an honest 5 minutes thinking of your humiliations courtesy of using and then think again about short changing your recovery.
Is there really any choice?

sstaceye69 · Senior Member

Thanks for understanding where I am coming from. It really helps more than you know. Realistically, I know what I have to do in order to stay clean. But if I can't admit my fears to you guys then I am screwed. So, once again thanks. No, you didn't ramble. As a matter of fact, I needed to hear every single word of that. I am just going to have to bite the bullet & start going to meetings on a regular basis like i did when I first got back from rehab. I desperately need a sponser. Don't get me wrong, I have an incredible support system between my sister, my bf, & a few others but other than my sister & my bf the rest still use so it's hard to really talk to them about anything serious. My sister tries to understand but she's never had any kind of substance abuse problems so it's hard for her to completely understand. I am so grateful for all of you guys & this board. I don't what i would do w/out you guys. Sorry for rambling.

Thanks for the support,
love you guys,
Stacey

sstaceye69 · Senior Member

Avid you are absolutely right. That very first sentence says it all. It should scare the hell out me too. I have compromised my recovery in so many ways lately. I still haven't used more than a xanax here & there but that's how it normally starts. Thanks for your blunt honesty. I am not sure if you've noticed but I am definitely one of those people who needs someone to call me out on my bs. Thanks for being that person for me tonight. I won't forget it. I promise. Hope you have a great weekend.

Thanks again,
stacey

rocky · Senior Member

what is more humiliating getting caught useing and the trouble it causes or working a program the stigma is not as bad as we think i too am from a small town and if you think people don't know you are fooling yourself you have to be honest open and willing to make the life changes and to get what the program offers

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