I turned 41 on 2-12 and as great as it was to be sober on my b'day it was also very depressing. I am still a baby as far as recovery is concerned & I am okay w/ that most of the time. There are definite exceptions though. One being the obvious... only having been in recovery 7 mos or so at 41 yrs old. I've stopped using hundreds of times just to start back whether it be a day or even 9 mos later. I guess what I am trying to say is this is the very 1st time I've actually been to detox & a 28 day program & joined the program. It's the real thing this time. It's 100% my choice & as thankful as I am to have this chance (even if I am 41) I am also mortified by the fact that I am 41 taking recovery serious for the 1st time. Please don't think I am being ungrateful or that i don't know how blessed I am to be alive at 41 so that I do have this incredible opportunity to get my life back. I feel so ashamed to even be complaining about how old I am or how long it's taken me to finally accept that I can't do this alone and that it's a life long process. This isn't coming out the way I meant for it to. Sorry. The bottom line is as grateful & blessed as I am, I still feel so humilated, ashamed, mortified, etc... that at 41 this is my life. Thanks for letting me share.
sstaceye69
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The Will Of GOD Will Never Take You Where The Grace Of GOD Will Not Protect You
Hey Stacey, good to hear from you.Yeah sometimes we reflect back and maybe wish we could have gotten it together sooner but you know I look at it as I am today because of who I was then.I'm not saying that IM thrilled about devastating my life and everything in my past for 25 years but I believe Im where I am now and I have to make the most of my life because I know God 's grace has a plan for me.I continue to give back,work daily to be grateful and try to stay in the day, something thats not easy for me(iin fact my job is a production manager dealing with future schedules,now tell me God is not humorous!!)Be grateful for this 7 months and take it each day at a time,,work your program,help another addict make meetings,call your sponsor,everything you hear all the time,but it does work if you work it.Believe me,we all get in a funk,recovery is a steady uphill progression.Happy birthday,lot of us didnt make it to be 41!!! good hearing from ya again..peace.....
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Stacey WATCH IT ! ! this is an excuse to beat yourself back down and allow addiction to take hold again, anything NEGATIVE addiction will grab and try to run with, taking you back down that road once again. If your thinking got you here dont you think you better start thinking another way LOL did that make sense? STOP THINKING and if you do think higher power think the steps, think about calling someone when you start thinking and tell them what your thinking . Im serious. When i get up in the morning i read my moprning meditation and prayer stuff that gets my mind SET in a direction of recovery for the day and when my mind wonders i go back to what i read that morning and stay focused. Go to a LOT LOT LOT of meetings as many as possible I have been living in meetings somedays and it really has saved my ass.
Im 48 got clean and had a few years put together from 40 to 45 relapsed then came back and have been clean coming up on 4 years and its a struggle some days , not really to use but to remain sane and live right, if im living right i dont feel like using i dont make excuses or find something wrong with me your doing GREAT GREAT GREAT one day at a time.
-- Edited by BigV on Thursday 18th of February 2010 08:26:04 AM
Hi Stacey, Lemme guess.............your 41 years old right? ...........LOL Your barely halfway through this journey called life. You are blessed to be clean at any age. I'm 60 with less clean time than you from a relapse. We only have today. Enjoy it.
That said Stacey,, the preamble of Narcotics Anonymous says that anyone may join us regardless of age,,etc. etc.etc !!
I came in young at 27 but know folks that came earlier and they were thankful and some come at a much later age,, like the oldest Ive seen is perhaps 54 or so and they were happy too; that had at last found a Program that caused them to lose the desire to use and find a new way to live !!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Thanks Guys! I mean it. This board has helped me over the last 6 months so many times. Just reading other posts and knowing I am not alone helps more than anything. Vanity is one of my worst character defects and of course me turning 41 brought it out kicking & screaming. lol I was just feeling sorry for myself and for an addict it's probably the most dangerous thing we can do so thanks again for reminding me of it. Big V your right about me needing more meetings. I haven't been to one in almost 2 months except for on-line. I really liked going while I was in treatment but now that I am home it's scary walking into a meeting. Small town = peyton place. I know how ridiculous I sound and there is no excuse for me not going and i will. Because to be honest I am the kind of person who needs a good reality check & other addicts who will call me out on my bs excuses. Oh, and Raman thank you for the pics. You're right they do look like their having a good time. Hope everybody has a good & sober weekend.
Thank you, Stacey
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The Will Of GOD Will Never Take You Where The Grace Of GOD Will Not Protect You
