Hello Raman! how are you my friend!Being married 3 times and divorced twice,never being faithful to any partners in my relationships excpt my presentI had to really look a this area as it was tearing me up.Even though I remained faithful pysically in my now marriage my 'affairs of the mind" were worse than actual cheating for me.My faith beliefs were eating me alive and I couldnt get honest with my self.Check this out...about 8 months ago I stepped out and took a course at my church called"personal holiness intimes of tmptation"It was what I woulfd call for me a "spiritual awakening.I learned about the truths that THE God of my understanding had written down for me and I studied them.It told me that I was DIRECTED TO  give my body to my wife and her to me,,,,,,,, to satisfy my needs and mine for hers.Instead of having affairs of the mind over other women I picture my wife in my mind and during times of temptation(and my God tells me that He would not let me be tempted more than I can bear without a way out for me...... I immediately pray  and it helps me 'stop the temptation in my mind.Now for those who arent married the answer is to unfocus from the physical temptation an to get into the spiritual focus.This is extremely hard as we are human,but God I dont believe,gave us all our sexuality only to torture us with lust ,affairs of the mind and no way to relieve them.I have been able to share with my sponsor my deep inner secrets of previuos lustful sick situations,free myself and it helps me stay true to my course.I am 62 years old and have never been in a period of life like this before.I have such a strong sex drive that I would have to self satisfy 3 /4 times a day even in marriage,Its kind of like the 'desire to use ' has been lifted because I am able to have my needs met in my marriage.Again if I wasnt married  i think I would struggle much more but I  do believe that there would also be a way my HP would help me attain "my personal; holiness ' in times of temptation.I am still driven by the beauty of women and my desires are stll strong in that area but Im telling you there has been an awakening for me that has taken my life to another level.In fact i I am almost afraid that this wont continue to work for me and i'll revert back to my 'affairs of the mind,but I REMAIN FAITHFUL THAT GODBROUGHT ME HERE SO He wont drop me now..Dont know if this makes sense my friend ,but it is definitely a miracle in my life.This has always been a devasting area of my life since I was a little child..Remember I am talking from the side of one who is married,being single will be another side of this coin,Many of the 'spiritual men that I have read from talk about the importance of a relationship as not to be driven insane by lust,but they also say that they remain celebate to give all their focus to their God.    wow!!!!!!  peace my friend,I continually pray for your serenity and peace in your journey thru life as I do all others here,including myself!!!!!

H,ha, thanks Lee,,, Il take a hint from your honesty !

Thanks,, great identification with you on the affairs of the mind subject !
Il admit that i get bored easily and will fantasize about another woman I fancy,,
while Im actually physically with my current flame !

Gods sake, its been difficult being physically with a gf but seeing another woman and thinking
" Shed be better"
or
"I wish (so and so) would exchange places with her "

Many times Ive read in media that it is ok for a man and woman to fantasize like that, just to break the monotony !
But I know that "what we learnt is subject to revision, especially about the TRUTH " (Basic Text )

The hep.c treatment put paid to my sexual desires for a long 7 months and I was celibate by choice for about 6 months before that.
Now that the treatment is over and successful and Im regaining my drives and along with it the sex drive,,LIBIDO !

Im Meditating and taking input from worthies like you so I learn how to live with it,,
not overindulge or force celibacy on myself !

And God knows Im trying to cope !!

Thanks and hugs back Mike,,

I know that my sponsor had said
" just because we work the Steps dosent mean we will fully recover. We do recover to the extent that we live the NA Program "

Thanx for sharing that Raman,its always important to free ourselves as much and whenever we can.Peace my friend,keep workin in the solution!!!

Another day clean and another day won and another day without the sex obssession !

Abstaining from sex, spending, and for that matter, drugs too, always led to being depressed.

Been long since I used drugs,, but only recently abstained from complusive sex and spending !!

The urge does come up and when I abstain from spedning and sex, it is usually followed by depression. To add to my misery, the last year was Hep.C treatment time, and all the attendant suffering that highlighted the depression and sense of isolation.


But,,, the big but,, is the fact is that support from Fellows and following the NA Program takes me safely thru those feelings !

Works without fail each time !

Been a year since me and J split,, but why am i still hanging on to hoping for her again ?
How od I break this spell ?

Im Praying to the Sun that I may let go with love and understanding !

And yes, I pray to Higher Power to clean out the shame, fear and denial associated with my sexual history !

Another aspect of my reeducation was understanding the difference between sex and love !

They could be complimentary to each other.

Sexual patrnerships or loving ones,,, these are choices I have to make !

Sexual solitaire has always left me feeling tense, angry and frustrated,,,,

An email from someone I was associated for sometime sent me on a solo !!

No regrets, but I wish i can do the real thing instead,,,,ha ha ha !!|"_(&!

My theory to explain my sexual behaviour is really quite simple;
I believe it is the result of lusting for my mother ( her breasts) then her noticing that, reprimanding me and then me feeling rejected and intensely ashamed !

I dont want to apportion any blame but Pa never had a "man to man" chat with me when I was an adoloscent.

Later on, the text he wrote for me was that women were to be enjoyed !!!