THIS should be our main goal in recovery. Today I did step 5 .
I felt lighter in my pants I wept and have been weeping a lot lately mostly from guilt and much remorse and I need to feel that pain its like whiplash from an accident you dont feel it at first then later it comes and it hurts, the hurting of others feeling some of there pain there hurt and suffering, my pain from knowing whats going on inside with the low self worth, self loathing even hate for self and the causes and conditions of allll of that then having to live with that for awhile then maybe turning that over to our higher power so we can move on, I dont know the process yet but thats kinda whats going on for me today.
I seek change, newness something different in how I live and feel , regrowth, maturing of self, gaining coping skills with emotions so I can be of some good to God, others and then myself , thats all i want.
Anyone relate ?
-- Edited by BigV on Sunday 24th of January 2010 02:39:58 AM
Excellent Vin! savor the feeling of freedom from all those years of guilt and pent up feelings.Half way thru my 5th step,I started talking about my best friend who shot himself right after we split after a night of getting whacked.December 17th 1978.I think I shared this before.I knew he had been getting dillusional as he was talking about getting married to his girlfriend as I was getting ready for my 2nd marriage.His girlfriend had told me she wanted nothing to do with him and she was afraid of him.When I came to next morning phone call said he shot himself ,record on turntable(todd rundgren why cant we be friends,rifle on the floor)I lived with guilt that there was something I could have done,I should have seen it coming,I broke down in middle of talking about it and cried profusely,I didnt know where it came from,My sponsor just looked at me,shared story of his wife and how he left her ,she died ,when he shoulld have taken her to hospital etc.He said MIke you been hanging onto to that for some many years and by the grace of God you have freed yourself there.I dumped things I never told the priest as a child of 7 in confession and always carried guilt/shame etc.The blessing of the spiritual principles of Narcotics Anonymous and the process God has led us to is truly a miracle and blessing.I share this freedom with you Vinny and continue to realize that being honest,for real,not only with God,but like it says with yourself and another human being is something that cant be replaced.Float on this freedom today and each day Vin,makes you really want to 'work' dont it!!I can feel your joy and relief thru cyber space....awesome...............
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
That's truly great! Mike just about said it all but please know I am so happy for you. I needed to hear something positive happened today. So thanks for sharing w/ us because it's so true you never know how much some of us really need to hear about other's success in the program. It gives me & I am sure everyone else hope that some day soon we can have that same incredible feeling of freedom if we can just hang in there.
Congrats, Stacey
-- Edited by sstaceye69 on Sunday 24th of January 2010 07:39:31 PM
-- Edited by sstaceye69 on Sunday 24th of January 2010 07:41:50 PM
-- Edited by sstaceye69 on Sunday 24th of January 2010 07:44:49 PM
-- Edited by sstaceye69 on Sunday 24th of January 2010 07:46:39 PM
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The Will Of GOD Will Never Take You Where The Grace Of GOD Will Not Protect You
Hey if we can make life a little lighter and easier to handle with just a little effort why not? i know we're all pretty stubborn but for what the alternative is keep what i got and what i got ainta workin :)P
