"made a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of god as I understand him"
this is not the last or first decsion you will make thru out these steps as my life still unfold I have to find faith where there is destruction the last year in my life as been fight or flight full of different kinds of emotions. I have vbeen numb 4 so long and now all of a sudden I can't quit crying knowing ppl around me hurt and fear love as well. I wish at timesI could be more open but /I ccan't things are getting harderas I sit in a  situation not unfamiliar in the way things are married of course but the emotions just need some pampering I need the truth next to me as I wake but I am powerless over everything outside of me including my addiction
we are on the 5th suicide attempt int he past 365 days this is getiing outta control and I don't know what to do???