sometimes letting go is love, sometimes it's saving your life or someone elses.
I'm having to let go of Jenn with a lot of my own wreckage and destruction but i told her that i loved her and she wanted to be set free and for me to stop holding on hassling her she wants to go on with her life and im holding her down SO i HAVE to let go, let God let faith work , it's very hard yesterday I was a bundle of sadness I would just start weeping at times probably 10 times through out the day, letting go is painful.
Hey Vin! thanks for sharing your pain ,I will keep you in prayer,something I read in a little pamphlet from the"wisdom of the 4 agreements" says if someone is not treating you with respect and love,it is a gift if they walk away from you.If that person doesnt walk away you will surly endure many years of suffering with him or her.Walking away may hurt for awhile,but your heart will eventually heal.Then you can choose what you really want."Guess you can look at this from both sides.From a guy who has been divorced twice I can definitely feel your pain.............peace my brother!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
you may laugh at me, but I live on the spiritual plane, but I was told by my milion dollar doctor, I am too spritual for any worldly, good. I am and always have been close to God, but now I feel abandoned by Him. Once in my life I let myself be mortal, be vulnerable, and love and the rest is meaningless. I am so close to Jesus right now. He heals the brokenhearted. I am a stupid person, because I fell in love with my whole heart. I'm not using but I'm also worth a shit to anyone right now. Haven't been for almost 7 months. It is like 15 below zero right now and I am out here almost naked, just to feel alive. Letting go sounds easy but not if you met your soulmate. And then there are kids involved. So love is beyond painful. Its the kind of thing that people jump off bridges for, its the kind of thing you are willing to sacrifice everything for, its the kind of thing that can make you whole and then destroy you. I am very fragile right now, probably pathetic. BUt at least know there is someone else out here feeling beyond pain also. I have two reasons to live, but it feels like I am living in a funeral. ANd all of this I am confronting Sober, no easy answers, no escape JUST RAW COLD BLOODED LIFE. I hate my heart. I hate my body. I want to just live in the spirit and let go of this dreadful existence. I have two reasons to live, but I am going to fast, stop eating, and take a long walk in the cold, so I can feel the icy hands of sorry and feel alive. The river is frozen.
I am not an addict my husband is we have been married for 11 years and separated in April 2009. I care deeply for him and would like to see him get his life together. He is 44 years old and has been on crack for 30 years and I am very afraid that he will not defeat this demon. He was in jail and was released from jail to attend treatment. (in and out of treatment or jail)
I am currently in Al-Anon and attend meetings and currently working the steps with my sponsor.
I do not wish to cause you anymore pain, but I would like to know what your wife said that finally allowed you to let her go?
Hey Keli! Yes I too am feeling very close to the God of my understanding and my faith beliefs tell me this is only the beginning here.My whole process is geared toward being as "close as I humanely can get to my God,and everything else then falls into place.As long as I am working on doing'His will I can accept all that life "blasts me with">I can honestly say ,for me, God has never abandoned me and when I felt that way I had to really look deep inside and see what was going on..I definitely abandoned Him more times than I can care to say... thru prayer andsupplication,bring all your petitions before "God' and a peace that surpasses allunderstanding shall be yours..I am sorry you are hurting but these are the emotions we feel in life along with joy,anger,pain,numbness,apathy and the likes...I wish you peace................The first cut is the deepest!!!!!!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
i don't have the words to tell you how much i feel for you in what i know to be great pain vin but i have a corny saying for you if you love someone let them go if they come back you know they are yours it probably won't help much i have been down the realationship road more than once and i have 17 years with my currant wife but i still find new and wierd ways to f;;k that up to good luck and know that i will pray for you in your time of pain
-- Edited by rocky on Wednesday 6th of January 2010 04:43:04 PM
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some of us win some of us lose with god and this program i will be a winner
Thanks so much for the replys and for sharing your experiences strength and hope.
It's about acceptance for me and powerlessness I also believe I have an addiction to Jenn, she should be in alanon but refuses to get help so I haven't even forced the issue that's something that kinda hurt especially since I know she's a sick person too and needs some help and support.
Today i believe that whatever is happening is God's will that girl put up with a lot from me im pretty scummy but it's really helped me to realize the pain I cause others and that i need to change.
Acceptance is the key, if somethings bothering me then its something in ME that needs attending too , it could even be something I think I have a right too, instincts have surfaced, one of my instincts is that i need to be there to protect her and can't be that one keeps creeping up and i feel powerless. Yes it will pass, we have to feel good about ourselves so we need to feed ourselves some good food and light food from the program and light from our higher power he/it will see us through all things.
Also have to look at the emptyness inside WHY ? am I not good in my own skin alone? do i need others to fullfill me ? things that come up may be painful to look closely at so I am trying to do a lot of reading and understanding and lots and lots of prayer when i stopped using the obsession and compulsion were unbearable at times and I prayed my way through those times so thats what i am doing now relying on a power greater them me and my addiction.
