I got on google and did some research punching in a few words and this popped up for me and i believe God himself wanted me to see this just so i could put a name to all of this madness and get some help. Im meeting with my sponsor today to go over my 4th step and im taking all of this with me and get some help deciding what i need to do and i will have other people helping me this is just to much for me to handle alone, im so overwhelmed and lost and in fear of remaining the way I am.




The Criteria for a Borderline Personality Disorder Diagnosis
BPD is a pervasive pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and emotion, as well as marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

* Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

* A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation


identity disturbance: Markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

# Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

# Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior

# Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

# Chronic feelings of emptiness

# Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

# Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

dentity Disturbance

* Experiencing frequent changes in sense of self-worth (for example, one moment feeling okay about yourself and then next feeling that you are a bad person)

* Feeling unsure about identity (for example, feeling like you don't know who you really are as a person, or what you believe in)

* Feeling nonexistent

Impulsivity

* Engaging in impulsive behaviors, such as going on spending sprees, having promiscuous sex, driving recklessly, abusing drugs or alcohol, binge eating, or breaking the law

Suicidal Behaviors or Self-Harm( I DONT DO ANY OF THESE SUICIDAL THINGS )

* Making suicide attempts or gestures

* Threatening to commit suicide to communicate emotional pain or to see if others care

* Engaging in acts of self-harm without intending to commit suicide (for example, cutting or burning yourself)

Emotional Instability

* Experiencing intense negative feelings in reaction to day-to-day situations

* Feeling intense sadness, irritability, or anger that may last for hours

* Having frequent and intense mood changes (for example, going from feeling okay to feeling totally despairing in a matter of minutes or hours)

Chronic Feelings of Emptiness

* Often feeling empty ( A LOT LATELY I FEEL TOTALLY EMPTY)

* Feeling no emotions or feeling as if there is nothing inside

Inappropriate Anger

* Feeling intense anger that is stronger than the situation warrants

* Having difficulty controlling anger (for example, often yelling at others, being sarcastic, breaking things, or getting into physical fights)

Stress-induced Paranoia or Dissociation

Having some or all of the following experiences in response to stress:

* Feeling that others are picking on you or are trying to cause you harm

* Having a feeling that people or things are "unreal" or experiencing episodes of feeling "zoned out" or "numb"

* Feeling emotionally dead inside



* Often imagining or believing that others are leaving, even when they are not

* Attempts to avoid abandonment (for example, physically clinging to others when they attempt to leave)

Unstable Relationships

* Having intense relationships with lots of conflict, and/or breakups

* Having frequent arguments with friends and loved ones

* Experiencing ups and downs in relationships (for example, going from feeling as if you really need someone to feeling as if you need to get far away from him or her)

* Often feeling disappointment in or even hatred toward loved ones

HEy mike i talked it over with my sponsor and my back up sponsor did some reading in the 12x12 step 1 powerless and unmanageable . I talked with some guys at a meeting and several of us are all experiencing the same stuff this may be a very common trait for our disease at least thats what im thinking and this is the stuff WE dont like facing and THIS is where a lot of people end up relapsing. I worked part of my 4th step tonight I have some more in depth work to do and a few good folks to add LOL.


Practice these principle in ALL OUR AFFAIRS and thats what im going to have to do use the program in all aspects of life and living, its a whole new way of living man and it aint easy teaching an old dog a new trick but it has to be done.

Thanks Buddy for the support rough day today but got through it, gods working in our lives i'm learning man more each day and its going to be ok easy does it keepin it simple as i can.

i hope it all works out for you vin i told you i get tired of all the labels but i guess they have there place and i hope you stick to the counciling i have been going to therapy for 2 months now and the difference is very noticeable to my fam and i feel better than i have in a very long time

HAH Lee i hear that but it can be done millions are doiong it every day so can we.


Thanks Rock its always good talking to you thanks sorry i miss half your calls

good points from Lee. :)

V - i understand the need to know what the hell is wrong with me, and have to be really careful about googling in search of the answers and have learned to leave it to the pros. bottom line is that i'm a recovering addict.

i think my biggest disorder is called 'first thought wrong'