It was the night before Christmas, when all through the trailer park not a pop-top was poppin, not even ole Blue backed. Our stockins was hung over the space heater with care, in hopes Santy would fillem with viennas and beer. The kids was asleep in their NASCAR pjs, and Earlene in her curlers and me in my John Deere cap had just settled into our LaBoys for Wheel of Fortune and a nap. Then out in the vacant lot I heard suck a commotion T thought it was neighbor Clyde, finally got his Tbird in motion. I heaved out of my recliner and to the window I flew, busted out the screen and hollered for Blue. The moon was shinin down on my old wrecked cars so bright they was sparklin like rusty old stars. And I couldnt believe my own hardworkin eyes when a jacked-up ford pickup came flyin through the sky! Fastern ole Ironhead his possums they came and he whooped and hollered and called them by name: Git up Sooner! Hi Duke! Move yer tails Yaller and Spud! On Blackie! On Queenie! You mind me Duchess and Bud! To the top of the satellite dish! To the top of the shed!Now Move it! Yall get out the lead! You know how, on our road, when cars go by, theres all this dirt flies up into the sky? Thats how this crew went straight on up to my roof with that pickup full of toys, a real nice gun rack, and Redneck Santa too. Then fore I could pop my teeth in I heard up on the tin the scrabbling around of them flying possums of hisn. I yanked my head back in the trailer and hitched up my shorts, down the dryer vent Redneck Santa came with a grunt and a snort! He was dressed in red and green camo from his neck to his feet and I had to give him credit he still had most of his teeth. Looked like stuff from Earlenes yard sale slung on his back there was flyswatters an tupperware an 8-tracks stickin out of his pack. His eyes took in our humble home: The furniture we bought on layaway in town Earlenes pride, that Elvis on velvet... My collections of barbed wire and license plates made by relatives. I coulda sware I even saw a glistening tear when his eye fell on sweet Earlene, a snorin in her chair. He kindly favored Hank, Jr., with a big round belly that shook when he laughed like a blob of K-Y jelly. Yep, he was fat all right, blocked out our whole large-screen TV, and I had to laugh when I saw him, cause he looked like me! When he winked his eye I knew fer sure hed treat us right Why, he might even leave me some ammo tonight! I stood there dreamin of whitetail while I watched him work, then he stopped and, like a real man, let out a fart and a burp. He topped off our stockins with Moon Pies and bottle rockets, then squose up that dryer vent like spam in your pocket. He jumped in his pickup, laid on the horn Im not lyin! and the took off like white lightnin with their possum tails flyin. But I heard him holler as he headed for 169 MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND MAY REDNECKS GO TO HEAVEN!
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
