Question: My husband who was in jail on business burglary was forced into rehab by the judge. He calls me everyday for about 10 min. He has apologized a dozen times for the things he has done while he was under the influence. Yesterday he wanted to know why I did not sound so happy to hear from him. God, the man and I have been separated since April, and I guess he feels that I should be overjoyed that his life has been forced on track. I do not feel anything when he calls me - neither depress nor happy. Is something wrong with me? (I attend Al-Anon and I am fully aware of my feelings)
He acts like treatment is the end to all of his problems. Treatment is only the beginning. My husband has legal, financial, emotional and medical problems as well as homelessness
I do not want to give him false hope. I told him that I would stand by him while he puts his life back in order. That does not mean that all of our marital problems will disappear.
I am happy that he is out of jail and finally receiving the help he needs. The man has done a lot of hurtful things to me and my family members and these things will need to be addressed before he and I can began to have a relationship again.
Hey Delta,I sincerely wish you peace especially at this time of the year.I believe everything you said here is what he needs to hear also.You are taking the steps you need to for 'your recovery" and as you say things will have to be addressed one day at a time. The process of addiction is an ongoing process even during abstinence and thats where the work has to take over.We are going thru similar situation with our 23 year old son I think I shared about with you.It is a day at a time situation and certain things have to occur to keep moving forward(boundaries,responsibilities.trust will have to be earned,not a given etc.)Continue to learn the tools you need from your program and live them day by day.TRY NOT TO LET ANYONE STEAL YOUR JOY!.It takes work and thats what your doing..Be honest and open about how you feel.Keep coming back and let us know how its going.I listened to a friend share that when she is" in the pits" she makes sure to hug someone else even when she can't get one..Make the best not only of the holiday period but of everyday!!
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
[Click here to start writing your quick reply.]Mercy and kindness with appropriate limits are the best policy, I think. Tell him Trust = Time x Right Action. Also it's easy to trust someone in rehab, its what they do in the "real world" that counts. Your family will be in my prayers.
When treatment centers are being honest they can boast a success rate of about 3 %. some say 5 or 7 percent but seem to fudge their numbers.. lets just say 4 percent to keep everything fair..They get those rates by the percentage of patients that stay clean 12 months after discharge. So on a good day 4 out of 100 will stay clean one year . I suspect that for the addicts that are forced into treatment the numbers are lower. We can witness this ourselves in the rooms of NA by the number of court card carriers that stay clean 1 year..Those numbers are dismal but lets not forget the 2 3 or 4 that stay clean. truly miracles. Change nothing in the way your doing things. Let him be on his own for a year. Then re-evaluate. After you taking care of yourself in your own meetings for a year you may find you love yourself to much to put up with his bullshit. Its cold but its fair.
__________________
The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .
