Isn't it great to be able to vent!! Enjoyed your post...can relate, also.

In these nign on 22 years of clean time, Ive always remembered early instruction to keep that as a front.
I could et carried away, especially with "back markers' in service, who have just got clean and act like new born babies. They want to absorb everthing and analyse where it all fits in and when that analysis turns towards me they can be very wrong in what they are seeing.

I had an especially vivid experience this last year. A chap that was on methodone took me as sponsor. My main concern was that I had never dealt with anyone on methadone and so I proposed we take thngs on a just for today basis.
The first thing we did was attend almost 150 meetings together. then the guy tapers off meth and finally comes clean. The best part is that he has about 7 months clean time with good dedication to recovery meetings and service therein.

However, his mental behaviour becomes very critical and this is where as a sponsor I tried to guide him away from analysing. I quoted an old slogan tha said
'Dont analyse, utilize".
Whenever I got resentful of things he said or did, I know I was participating in the disease and the surprising thing is he wanted to stay that way.

Because of this, I as a sponsor could only do that much for him and hoad him sketch his life with me once, thats about all the Step work we ever did.

So now whos at fault ?
Him for not heeding my repeated suggestiosthat the Step are the solution or me for not asking him to find another sponsor much earlier than I did ?

Theres been lot of praise, admiration, identification and Fellowship with many newer members but the ones that i was most negatively judged by are the backmarkers in Service.

It must be because somewhere along the line they are geting a wrong message that says "just get into service and everything will be allright".

I disagree with those who hold the view that Service can replace Steps Recovery.

I believe that NA service is allabout carrying the message of recovery and when dont have Step experience first, I, an addict, tend to carry the MESS-AGE,,, where the mess gets greater don the years and poof, one fine day or night it all gets too unmanageable and desires to use agan, to commit self- injury or simply to fly off into the stratosphere and be absorbed n the galaxy becomes overpowering.

I am Blessed that the Voice of God within me, call it Conscience or Goodness, keeps me aware of what seems to be the message of recovery as experienced by countless addicts all over the world In Narcotics Anonymous by the way I act.
Pushy, aggressive, cutting behaviour seems to be the disease while in true character I will feel clean, serene, courageous and wise !