things started to get a bit overwhelming it was either a xanax or a lesser evil yet still an evil I started smoking pot again and my mind is thanking mr for the silence within I feel as normal as it gets my minds not racing but I cried for hoours b4 I took the drug, I just quit kicking myself as i come to the end of that sack wondering if i can just stop there..but being calm the drama is soon coming to an end "to live or not to live that is the question" I know I am gonna live but for some reason I still don't want to all baggage aside I wouldn't be so insecure (maybe) but as i am I 'm a mess and i just want to be loved, a trusted love...
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
I pray that you find relief from your suffering in a way that causes you no harm. I understand the feeling of wanting to die, but death is a permanent solution to a temporary situation. I don't think you really want to die you just want the pain to stop. I hope that happens soon.
Manon! pick yourself up , and start again.Our 7th step tells us that our main objective is to get out of ourselves and strive to achieve the will of our HP.If we are careless and fail to grasp the meaning of this step we may have difficulties and stir up old troubles.ONE DANGER IS BEING TOO HARD ON OURSELVES! I also will pray for your peace today,you always tell it like it is so we know where you are and we do love you!!!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
DITTO what them other guys said. I would like to add a line out of our literature " those who go to meetings regularly, stay clean." theres a lot of power in that line right there and in those meetings. I can't believe what and who much i have missed not going to meetings and just how much I am getting now, it's a power greater then my addiciton and myself.
We aren't much good at taking suffering for long we know how to momentarily escapse it as long as that is an option you will not stay clean all reservations must be gone if there is even a hint of being able to use and get away with it most likely we won't stay clean.
So each time you come back Manon kicking yourself in the ass remember this before using again next time, IT HAS STOPPED WORKING FOR YOU the same way it stopped working for many of us here so grab ahold of other options something other then using, if your not willing to do that then your going to remain on the same track .
We do love you and we do understand we have allllll done what your doing and we're no better we simply make a decision to do something other then using and its day in day out year in year out minute by a minute at times we just do not use and get past the moment and those moments are times that build strength , courage and change.
