i am so god damn lonely. i sit alone in this big house everyday. sitting on the same couch in the same room doing the same thing everyday. absolutely nothing. my roomate works from 530 in the morning till after midnight. eveyday. i never see her. NEVER. not even on the weekend. so i sit. i sit and sit and sit and i only talk to one person everyday. my sponsor. but thats not good enough. i miss my friends. they are still at school and im here. by myself. and even when i stare out the window any window i see nothing. no houses no stores no nothing except fields and more fields. its so depressing outside yet its so depressing inside. i miss having a life. now that schools over i have no reason to go out except to work which they are cutting my hours anyways so now what? and its a fucking blizzard outside anyways so the roads are too bad to go anywhere anyways. im close to tears because if i sit here one more day by myself i might go crazy. more crazy then i already am. and my depression is getting worse and worse everyday and being lonely doesnt help that much. i was supposed to go out to lunch with my friend shelby today but she called and i didnt answer. i blew her off. i feel horrible because i really wanted to go but i couldnt find the strength to get out of bed. and i just need her to cheer me up because she always does and she is the funniest person alive and i blew her off. im such a stupid person. and one of my favorite bands is breaking up and i just keep listening to them allllllll day and i just want to cry. i just want to be normal. i want to have a life again. i want to see my friends everyday. i want to go to parties and just dance until i cant dance anymore. i just want to be the normal teenage who goes out and stays out until all hours of the night and not give a damn about anything and not have to worry about if i have a drink ill be addicted or if i smoke a bowl ill be addicted or if i see someone snorting coke or shooting heroin that i would want to do it too. i just want to be....
normal.
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Liz, One thing I learned in life, it I can't make myself happy, then I can't expect others to make me happy. So, its snowing, stuck in the house, hours cut short, and roomate works crazy hours and have no contact. What so you do? Actually, you have a word of place and things to do right in front of you! Even though it may not be personal contact, doesn't mean you can't explore the world, via internet. We get so use to just getting on our personal computers and doing the same thing. But, there is a wide varity of things to do, information, people to meet, places to go. I relaspe because I was waiting for someone else to make me happy and realized I didn't do anything for myself. Like get out of bed.... You have to do it for you. You have to make you happy. You have to get out of that bed, go to where you want, say hey to the Walmart greeter, and explore! Yes, you will still miss your roommate. But when you do get with her, you will be able so share all you have done.
Nelmsey has some good advice for you. She is right, dont wait for other people to make you happy, or you are always going to be disapointed. Happiness comes from within
I get like you are in the winter, its called seasonal effectiveness disorder, or SAD for short. Its from not enough sunshine and vitamin d and it can make you d- depressed. Check it out online, its real. Dont feel you are going crazy, theres lots of us going crazy with you! 2 winters ago I could hardly get out of bed after Christmas. I also find that the more I stay in on the dark days, the more I DONT WANT to go out, so i made myself go out yesterday and today, and I feel way better.I didnt have money to spend, but I killed some time looking around. I joined a writing group online (FanStory)for a few weeks and that sure helped. I was so busy concentrating and spilling my guts in stories and poems, that I got all my frustrations out on the computer.
Maybe theres someone you can help, if you still get to meetings in spite of the snow. You have been through a lot and I'm sure you have lots of help to offer someone else who feels lost and depressed. Maybe by lifting someone elses spirits you can forget your own problems for awhile.
i understand and i know what SAD is we learned about it in psychology. and well winter is my favorite season. i LOVEEEEE snow. love it. im not good at giving advice or cheering people up. im just not good at it. ive explored the internet soooo many times that i dont know where else to look.
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Ours is a spiritual program. The literature states quite clearly that the solution is in the steps. You may find temporary relief on the internet or at the Wal-Mart, but the key to peace of mind is inside of you. The 12 steps of Narcotics Anonymous are the guide book to unlocking the serenity that is possible for you, me and all of us. I'm glad you speak to your sponsor everyday, maybe there are other addicts you can talk to as well.
Liz get your ass into action get off that damned couch and go do something your on the F'n pity pot.
We pray for guidance and direction from our higher power and the ability to understand what it is that power tells us and avid said a lot right there , thanks man good suggestions.
pick the NA book up and start reading it and get the hell out of that head and pour some recovery into that stubborn mule LOL RE COV ERY thats all the Fuck u need to be thinking about LOLOL seriously though !
yup vini your 100% completely right as usual. i think i will read some tonight. i was out alllllllllllllllllllll day today. well i had to work 9-3 got paid and my parents did want me to go christmas shopping with the rest of the family so they gave me 300 bucks and let me go which is surprising that they would trust me with that much money. so i spent 300 bucks on clothes. butttttttt i cant have them till christmas. which sucks. but i was responsible and i didnt spend a cent of it on drugs. i have to work allllllllllllllllll day tomorrow so hopefully i will not be on the fucking pity pot anymore since ill be out of the house more this week at work. vini you always know how to yell but make sense at the same time. hhaahahah
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
