I am a newly recovering opiate addict. I spent the last week in and out of the emergency room and drs offices due to a severe headache all drs in my area are aware of my addiction and I feel very judged for it, they would make comments like "were not giving you narcotics" or "we cant do anything to help you" I feel that because I am an addict they did not believe the pain I was in only thinking I wanted pills. I am frustrated that anytime I get sick or am in pain people automatically think its due to withdrawls or wanting drugs. I wasnt asking for narcotics I just wanted my migraine to stop. I find that I hide being an addict because of fear of being judged by others being looked at as being a bad person for being an addict. I have done bad things due to my addiction and I know I judge myself for it too. I find it hard not to resent this disease and what it has done to me and my family how do I work through all this? How do I accept it? will I ever feel ok in my own skin?............
Just make it clear your not trying to get dope you just want to feel better.
Feeling bad about ourselves can lead us back to using remember that when it comes up this disease works through our vulnerable areas. Use that Serenity prayer use it over and over again to get through the tough times, GOD GRANT ME the SERENITY to ACCEPT the things I CANNOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE the things I CAN and the WISDOM to know the difference.
There are going to be things we cant change like our past but we can accept them IF we're doing something different today.
Also watch out for feeling sorry for yourself self pity don't beat yourself up we've all done that enough to ourselves, what you do today is what makes the difference make positive efforts every day in your recovery and you start feeling better about yourself.
Go to meetings and share about your feelings, if you listen you'll hear others do it saying the same things most likely and give each other support.
YEs you can feel ok in your skin even when charecter defects and all sorts of crap are going on that are hard to accept, i get through it with prayer and with sharing and i ask my higher power to help me accept things, it's hard but only to the point that we resist accepting things, our level of serenity depends sowly on our level of acceptance.
HANG IN THERE KEEP SHARING work the program read the book start using whats in our literature believe me I am here , right here with you trudging along and some days just not using because THIS TOO SHALL PASS feelings pass.
I am a newly recovering opiate addict. I spent the last week in and out of the emergency room and drs offices due to a severe headache all drs in my area are aware of my addiction and I feel very judged for it, they would make comments like "were not giving you narcotics" or "we cant do anything to help you" I feel that because I am an addict they did not believe the pain I was in only thinking I wanted pills. I am frustrated that anytime I get sick or am in pain people automatically think its due to withdrawls or wanting drugs. I wasnt asking for narcotics I just wanted my migraine to stop. I find that I hide being an addict because of fear of being judged by others being looked at as being a bad person for being an addict. I have done bad things due to my addiction and I know I judge myself for it too. I find it hard not to resent this disease and what it has done to me and my family how do I work through all this? How do I accept it? will I ever feel ok in my own skin?............
I feel very judged for it
I understand that! And you know what - that's fair. For a long time, I scammed, stole, swindled, robbed, etc. My behaviors left a pretty bad taste in a lot of people's mouth.
people automatically think its due to withdrawls or wanting drugs
Yup. but like already mentioned, we can't control what another person thinks or does. our job is to manage our own behaviors. what someone else thinks is really none of our business.
I have done bad things due to my addiction and I know I judge myself for it too.
EXACTLY!! you're not a bad person. you're seeing the difference between guilt and shame. guilt = 'i did something bad' shame = 'i AM bad' we're not bad people - but we are people that have done bad things in active addiciton. give yourself a break. the past can't be changed, and so long as you're clean today there is a fighting chance.
I find it hard not to resent this disease and what it has done to me and my family
a part of me is very happy to hear this! i hate this disease with ever fibre of who i am. i sometimes hear in meetings that people are grateful to be an addict. not me. i'm grateful for what recovery has done in my life, but i would never ever, ever wish addiction on a person. this disease is the enemy of me, and wants to kill me in whatever way it can find. i see that you've identified the enemy and it's NOT you. the downside of resentment is that it can lead us down a path to self pity. not good. yeah, we are addicts, but so long as we are clean today there is a fighting chance. (see a trend?)
how do I work through all this?
you're doing it. keep doing it.
How do I accept it?
pray for it. vic nails it on the head with the serenity prayer. when i'm stuck in intense feelings, thoughts, etc - very often i will begin reciting the serenity prayer over and over and over again until i find relief. (my record is 52 times in a row - and took less than ten minutes.. hahaha) writing the serenity prayer is especially powerful, as it's very hard for me focus on anything else when i'm writing.
will I ever feel ok in my own skin?
yes. stay clean just for today, go to meetings, work the steps (the solution is in the steps), find a sponsor, call your sponsor, follow suggestions. it does get better!
I have kept my addiction a secret for so long that I find it very hard to open up and talk about it I figure if I cant share in meetings yet than here is the best place to start. I had an opportunity to get a pill today and despite how much my head was telling me to take it I decided not to. I am constantly fighting a battle in my own head not knowing which thoughts I should listen to and which ones are my disease talking. I hate chaos but its like I almost crave having it in my life and when there isnt any when Im just sitting at home with my family I am bored lonely and sad unless I am high. I want to be ok just being at home just hanging out I am a mother and yet I dont know how to be ok with being at home and actually being a mother WOW! that is sad. I recieved a text from a friend a few days ago and it said "In order to get something differnt you must do something differnt" I have held onto those words because that is exactly what I need to do in order to get what I want cause obviously what I have been doing up until a week ago when I got sober has not been working. Thank you for taking to time out to read my words....
we have all been there one time or another ...some of us more then once and still some of us it is a daily struggle...there was alot of behaviors i had to relearn in order to feel ok in my own skin...i had to learn how to clean my house without getting high...being alone and being lonely are so different....sometimes changing our "stinking thinking" begins to mold our worlds into a different view...everytime i think something is impossible i just say well that was stinking thinking....or when im feeling mean and angry and spitful i remind myself that "god dont like ugly"
