well I am at a crossroads again. This time I at least didn't use over my action I was thrown out of the halfway house I had been staying at. I got into a fight with one of the other clients. God why do i let my anger control me? I feel realy powerless over my emotions, why is it that I let my anger rule my actions. I feal that i am still a slave to impulsive thinking and compulsive acting. I sm 12 days shy of one year and I feal like I only have one day clean. Well i guess i do only have one day clean. Just for Today.
well, we are powerless over our emotions! but.. we're not powerless over what we do (or don't do) with them. emotions are not commandments. we are not a slave to them, and sometimes all we can do is to feel them.
... and.. you're NOT an idiot. i really doubt you would talk to a good friend like that. so .. cut it out! :)
3.5 years clean Dave and I STILL HAVE very little control over my emotions and talk about frustrating my girlfriend has finally given up totally this time it's for ever and for real and brother i have been really hitting it hard to figure this out.
It's just another point in recovery that we are at a cross road of SURRENDER and letting old behaviors go and as usual theres a lot of pain that goes with it.ALSO this is where our charecter defects are SCREAMING , we have to admitt powerlessness my friend and use the program and im having a REAL HARD TIME WITH THIS TOO so your not alone
Dave, I was in similar situations too. I was simply asked to remember that behind each defect is an asset, beside each "dis-ease situation" lies the Program.
I was never promised complete freedom from defects and pain; in fact NA promises me that I will be free of their control. I dont have to control these defects, cause I cannot will or wish them away, no matter how hard Ive tried.
What has become second nature over the years of practice is Stepping-aside. Its like each time these defects reappear, I do the disappearing act on them and get back in the Program.
I remember that day when in joy I was begining the writing of my 4th Step and my sponsor said " This writing will nake you aware of defects, patterns and assets; so that when defects come up next you will know what to do".
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Hey Dave,'You didnt pick up !! thats success,we have to work each day on what triggers us .Thats why we say 'know your disease"what gets you out of the zone and keep at it.Progess sometimes comes slowly but you didnt use and therefore something is going on .Big congrats on your 353 days clean man.,thats success
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I don't believe that we are powerless over our emotions. We can not only change how we act but we can also change how we feel. The program promises that we can loose the desire to use. desire to use is a feeling. I absolutely believe that anger, envy, resentment, anxiety, and guilt among others are feelings that we can loose, or at least lessen to a large degree, by living the steps. If I didn't believe this I probably wouldn't still be here. I have heard others say and it's true for me as well, that active membership in the fellowship of narcotics anonymous is more than about staying clean. It's about finding a new way of life. Part of that new way of life is never having to feel many of the extreme negative emotions we felt during active addiction. Feeling better emotionally is a huge gift that I have received from Narcotics Anonymous. And I know in my heart that it will keep getting better if I keep coming back.
"When we see how our defects exist in our lives and accept them, we can let go of them and get on with our new life."
Basic Text p. 35
Sometimes our readiness to have our character defects removed depends on what we call them. If misnaming our defects makes them seem less "defective;' we may be unable to see the damage they cause. And if they seem to be causing no harm, why would we ever ask our Higher Power to remove them from our lives?
Take "people pleasing;' for example. Doesn't really sound all that bad, does it? It just means we're nice to people, right? Not quite. To put it bluntly, it means we're dishonest and manipulative. We lie about our feelings, our beliefs, and our needs, trying to soothe others into compliance with our wishes.
Or perhaps we think we're "easygoing" But does "easygoing" mean we ignore our housework, avoid confrontations, and stay put in a comfortable rut? Then a better name for it would be "laziness;' or "procrastination;' or "fear"
Many of us have trouble identifying our character defects. If this is the case for us, we can talk with our sponsor or our NA friends. We clearly and honestly describe our behavior to them and ask for their help in identifying our defects. As time passes, we'll become progressively better able to identify our own character defects, calling them by their true names.
Just for Today: I will call my defects by their true names. If I have trouble doing this, I will ask my sponsor for help.
Hey Vin good to see ya!! my daughter(21) and I were sitting in church couple weeks ago and in my bible I have a list of character defects I used in my 6th step so my daughter says let me see dad..she checks list out,like 2 pages and says looks like a "good start""dad.... hmmout of the mouth of babes.....and shes not even my sponsor but sure knows me better....
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Dave and everyone else really I strongly suggest reading the book " a new pair of glasses" in that book he describes his journey in recovery. Theres a part where he is talking about character defects and must learn to consciously surrender and there will NOT come a day when we will have to stop surrendering, we either have to surrender or GET LOADED.
The statement had proven TRUE in my owm past attempts at recovery and those failures so I know , for myself I MUST learn to surrender over and over and over again and I have to find new ways of being and find peace with each decision I make. When we change the way we react to things we are working steps 6 & 7 but we must change our higher power is not going to do it all for us he didnt take away our using all by himself we had to STOP THAT ACTIONS , see what im saying ?
-- Edited by BigV on Wednesday 9th of December 2009 10:49:55 AM
Good for you Dave for not just doing what used to come natural - pick up to change the feeling. You and the others who answered you have refueled my optimism for today that yes there is a solution. Also reminded me to stay closer in touch. Thanks for sharing you.
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Those that mind don't matter. those that matter don't mind.
