I had been at this rehab center twice and both times I had smuggled drugs and used inside all the while during my stay there... Both times I got caught, I straight away denied I had used, and swore I was clean, accusing them of being unfair and unjust with me when they kicked me out, even believing that it was so myself

The third time I was taken in, given a last chance, I used again, and I felt so messed up about it that I could not sleep that night. First thing in the morning, I went to my Counselor, and I came out clean about my using, inspite of my addiction telling me to hide it and continue to pretend that I was clean. I was scared of the consequences as this was my last chance to save myself, and if I was kicked out again, I knew I would be a gonner. I still remember how liberating it was to face myself, and to acknowledge the conflict within, and to come out clean with the truth, come hell or high water. I was at peace once I had shared about it. I felt light. I felt totally okay and alright. I remember my Counselor telling me that 'honesty' pays in the end... After that incident I realized that there's nothing gained in hiding, lying, pretending, that it's not advantageous. During my first Sixth Step with my Sponsor, I had the opportunity to go beyond this defect, to see why I take this defect into use, and actually found a way to work towards these 'whys' with the use of the principles instead in my Seventh. I'm grateful that I persevered with my stepwork till I reached this point although there were times when I wanted to give it up after my 3rd step, and once during my fourth... because a lot of my fifth, sixth and seventh stepwork revealed to me what these defects that I so frequently, abundantly and habitually take into use are saying to me! I had to listen to them, by acknowledging their presence in my life fully, and by owning them. Only then did it actually become possible for me to do something that could help me drop my rocks