Hello Family i want to share how my HP's presence is evident in my life lately.
today i am 2 years , 11 months and 1 day clean. Longer than any time i've ever had in recovery. I feel stronger today than ever that i must stay in touch with the first 3 steps. In hindsight i realize that every time i went back out there gratitude was always the first thing i lost sight of, along with that came a feeling of POWER. and a loss of humility ..i don't need them or that..ego
i lose honesty-openmindedness-willingness, i lose touch with my HP,
then i lose the acceptance that i had gained in practicing step 3.
and i quit going to meetings, slowly i quit doing my daily reading, what step am i on? none
I can not stay clean today on yesterdays recovery.
what am i going to do for my recovery today?
So, i have taken a respite job, i started on November 18 and am here until December 4. I am looking after 4 people and 4 dogs. Even though i have a few days clean and sober i still go to many meetings a week, i go because i want to. They say the program is not for those that need it but for those that want it. I want recovery, i want to live.
I have free time when they go to work during the week from 8:30-3:00, so i can come and go, but i am here for the full weekend. So, i have not been to meeting since the 17th. I can't leave in the evenings and i live in a small city, there are no daytime meetings.
I have drifted from the sponsor i had, i have another who is willing to guide me through the steps but she is also working a respite and isn't available right now.
I still keep myself quite gaurded, i pretty much hang out with me , myself and I. so i don't have alot of people i communicate with on a daily basis that i can call.
My HP is looking out for me though..i stopped in on friday to the restaurant where i work to pick up my paycheque and there were 2 program fellows having lunch, so we sat and chatted for an hour and half. that was great! and it seems everytime i go to the store i run into someone from the meetings. ;)
Does anyone else live in a small place and have issues with finding a suitable sponsor? how have you dealt with that? I have more to mention on the sponsor topic but i must go get everyone up and make breakfast now.
i am so glad you are here.. reminds me of a saying.. we're not all there, thats why we're all here ;)
Hi Wendy, the fact of the matter is this. Ive had difficulty finding a sponsor and maintaining that relationship on that level, i.e, having realistic expectations of what a sponsor can offer me by way of Program and later how I can myself be a good sponsee. and alter still, how I can be a good sponsor.
Ive had a hassle letting go each time I found the sponsor/ sponsee relationship not running well, inspite of efforts to be in the Message. Its been a constatnt challenge in my recovery, always challenging my comfort zones.
That said however, and coming to your concerns , I have some experience and can identify that concern. I believe that the first thing that has to go is fear; fear that I may not carry a "proper" message of recovery simply because there are issues with my sponsor. The ideal situation is to inform the sponsor when taking new sponsees aboard.
Most of all,I try and remember the gratitude statement in NA and hope that when an addict reaches out, there must be an addict to hold onto to. And I have deep belief in the Principle that the theraputic value of one addict helping another;is without parallel Most addics come into NA meetings having exhausted other avenues of recovery, and are doing a last gasp act.
One addict can best understand and help another addict. I think it is better to err on the side of carrying the message, rather than finding reasons not to do it. In order that no addict seeking recovery, wherever, need die with having had a chance !!!
That is the sum total of my experience with decades with this issue, Ive just tried to find the relevant theory for our literature to support my arguements.
All the best to you in your efforts Wendy,,,
-- Edited by Raman on Sunday 29th of November 2009 03:20:11 PM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Everyday in recovery is a new day.It is important to treat it that way.Letting it go unwatched is dangerous.Each day when I get up,I thank the higher power to be there.If I wake up,can standup , laugh ,it is a new day no matter what else is troubling me.The most important thing is Don't use.Keep Coming Back It Works If You Want It.
Everyday in recovery is a new day.It is important to treat it that way.Letting it go unwatched is dangerous.Each day when I get up,I thank the higher power to be there.If I wake up,can standup , laugh ,it is a new day no matter what else is troubling me.The most important thing is Don't use.Keep Coming Back It Works If You Want It.
