Today I am reminded of how I came, came to, and came to believe.
It was a time when I was drowning in despair, rage, sorrow, hate, terror...you know, just couldn't quite make it to my "happy place".
Then someone in the fellowship told me I hadn't a clue about the second step, because in my almost loving embrace of my poor pitiful state of being, I was really just saying that I was so much more powerful than God (HP---take your pick).
So, I arrogantly (in the guise of self-pity) believed that there was no power greater than me, or if there was he couldn't possibly help me, or want to help me...after all, he hadn't done much for me so far, right?
Thought about that for a while...as I came, and came to, and came to believe.
Today, I know that anytime I'm feeling like I'm alone with no hope, I'm just being arrogant again and have to knock it off...whatever that takes. Works every time.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
I love that Lee because I never considered myself an arrogant person until I entered treatment and started to understand this disease. Don't get me wrong deep down somewhere in my subconscious I knew that addicts were the most selfish, manipulative, arrogant, etc... people in the world but I before I truly admitted to being a full blown addict I would always justify my using w/ overcompensating. Whether it was to my kid's, my family, work, friends, or whatever or whoever but the reality of that was all I was doing was being arrogant enough to deceive them to make me feel better. So, thanks for that. I guess I needed this board tonight a lot more than I even realized. I haven't been to a meeting in almost a month and I need one bad.
Thanks again, Stacey
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The Will Of GOD Will Never Take You Where The Grace Of GOD Will Not Protect You
