I've been dating around for a couple of months now, but I think I may have found a "keeper". How do I keep this in perspective? I'm no good at the slow and careful approach to anything. I've only been single about 3 months, and I worry that I'm moving too fast.
I'm falling for this guy in a big way, but I've been oh-SO-wrong about the character of men I dated in the past. I don't think I trust my own judgement. He seems like everything that I want in a man. I feel safe with him... treasured and adored. He seems to be smart, funny, non-judgemental, kind, Christian, family-oriented, kind, gentle, hard-working, and considerate.
I don't have sex outside of an exclusive relationship, because I get my libido and my heart mixed up too easily. My libido is in full throttle, and so far I have kept it in check, but it's hard! (No pun intended, ya dirty-minded junkies!)
I don't know if there are any suggestions that y'all can give me that I don't already know. I've been praying, talking to my Sponsor, going to meetings. I just kinda needed to speak it. I'm hesitant to share this in local meetings because its a small, gossipy recovering community, and my ex is part of our local NA and we have not been broken up for very long. I just feel funny about it.
Then there's the other guys that I have been talking to. I have no desire to hurt any of them. The addict in me wants to string them along just in case this guy doesn't work out. There is no doubt in my mind that THAT is flat-out wrong.
ARG! "Relationships can be a terribly painful area..." NO S#!T, SHERLOCK!!!
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I may not be 'All That', but I'm always on my mind!
I would be the worst person in the world to give advice on this I was doing great until I took that plunge. BUT I was only barely 6 months clean. You know what its all about! You have been there done that.
The romantic in me says "its better to have loved and lost."..blah blah blah The addict in me says RUN LOL j/k Search yourself honestly. You know if your recovery is ready for it or not.
I wish you joy and serenity no matter which way you decide
I havent had sex in almost one ear now, and believe me, it dont matter !
" Cogito ergo sum" ( ho, ho, ha, ha, whats that ?" ) I think, therefore I am.
Being 48 may be an advantage in understanding that if I think that sex is not necessary to be happy, then so will it be.
I have channelised the libido towards socially useful goals, and have been relieved of thye need for instatant sexual gratification.
I had been a whore- monger and casual sex person all through my using, but that carried on in recovery too. Then 10 years ago, I got out of whore hunting, and settled for relationships based on mutual need.
Then after letting Jacqueline go in January, I have not had sex in any form. I did not want to pay for it anymore, and sometimes in Sheffield, I was tested to the limit. I did not want a relationship yet, as I had priorities of academic exccelence and social service, both of which usually go haywire when an addict like me falls in love/ has a relationship.
Why, even this evening, the event where I played music was kicking with music and dance. I saw an attractive woman looking, then in the break went and asked for a dance. We had five songs ntogether, and then I just let her go, because I believe that her beauty, just looking at her and being close to her those 25 minutes, and the dancing and joyousness gave me redirection of energies,,,,, driven by the belief that I can do without sex !.
That said however, Im waiting for the hep.c treatment to get over,, hopefully in Jan, and then get me laid (pardon the explicitness,, but thats me) with a woman Im attracted to, with whom the attraction is not mental but psychic, and boy am I going to get back into the esoteric Indian Sexual practices; the main themes ther being that sex needs to be spiritual, and that orgasm is not the ultimate goal of spiritual sex !
Gee, have I been saying too much love ?????
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
wow Raman that is really deep that is great to you can abstain like that... as an addict I have to remember my picker is broken I make sure the "relationship" is solid b4 I put my heart on the line andsince my drama my heart string are hidden I find myself in love with the idea of love its self bu ti actually know what love is for once in my life and for that I am grateful;although I also have to ? my own motives in doing what I deiced to do.. hope that helps I think Imight have nbeen babbling
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Take it slow tisa if you cant be good friends first and foremost then you wont make a good couple i found that out, me and my girl had GREAT sex relationship but when it came to other things we fell apart and its mostly on me and my behaviors and attitudes so I can't even blame her, or rather i shouldn't but i have blamed her to take the responsibility of my nasty mature off my conscience , the truth has been revealed to me and i hurt a lovely person and added more baggage to her suitcase , but she remains my friend still, what a ga!!!!!!!!!
Thanks, all, for the support! I took the plunge today, telling the gentleman in question that I would like us to see each other exclusively and see how things work out. He was thrilled! LOL! We started as friends, and we became quite close before we even met in person. I have a good feeling about this. If things don't work out, I know you will be here for me...
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I may not be 'All That', but I'm always on my mind!
LOL! I saw that once before, Manon, its hilarious! I've survived 3 serious relationships since I first got clean... didn't have to use over any of them...
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I may not be 'All That', but I'm always on my mind!
Hey Tisa! I wish you you peace,love and contentment! you know your heart and we can't be afraid to take chances even though we have been blasted before.You have enough knowlege to see things coming and support here and there to ensure you 'SHARE" areas that get weird for you. Yes our literature doesnt just say painful area it says"terribly painful!!! Like you quoted yourself the other day,you are a strong,beautiful woman and there is no reason you shouldnt find what is "love" for you!! peace mike
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I was doing great until I took that plunge. BUT I was only barely 6 months clean. You know what its all about! You have been there done that. 
