Hi family! Been gone for a little bit(mentally)so I wanted to let you know where Im at,this is how we get help.This is kind of a "tired story"but I really needed to get this out.Talk about "one bad decision(or not sure a blessing from my higher power,whom I call God) Condensed version for a continuing sage.Last saturday 23 yr old gets arrested(r.o.r)3 misdemeanors possession drugs stolen property.old news.COURT DATE 10/27.This wednesday night like 5:30 pm get a call from wifes girlfriend Eric arrested again,stealing meat and fish from local market.put in jail as cops see previous record,wouldnt turn dime on their connect,etc.We have seen him very little as been living in his car(under my registration,insurance) anyway its $500.00 bail to get him out ,so what do we do,(debating the only stable thing in his life his nitetime job)not realizing how"strung out again"he is.We bail him out(first time),find out he has a court date for this tuesday the 21st.for 3 more misdemeanors.This is where either God is working a plan or I have learned"nothing' in 3 years at NARANON in LETTING THE ADDICT FALL(did I not have to crash myself)We get him home so he can get ready to go to his 2:00 a.m. paperroute and work it till 5:00 a.m. delivering motor route.His car in impound from day of arrest as his co defendant drove away to escape police chase.4 armed cop cars ,weapons drawn,and arrested.I needed to get "my car" (regi.ins) out of impound$190.00)next day ,so he tells us he is "dope sick" and sold all his suboxone for junk.So we let him take our 2001 nissan(NEXT MISTAKE) to do route and kEep his job. FRIDAY MORNING CALLS SAYS A GUY RAN STOP SIGN AND CUSTOMIZED THE ONLY "GOOD" THING WE REALLY OWN>To top it off lady at paperroute calls and said he has been making too many mistakes ,hes fired.THE ONLY REASON WE BAILED HIM OUT FOR THIS STUPID JOB!.after towing our car,getting his/my car out of impound,we get home and he tells us he is robbing and stealing to maintain a bundle and a half jones(bout 15 dime bags)we figure well he is going to jail so we;ll see if he can get some meds ,he wants to self detox,buy methadone on the street.etc.So we are on our way to work friday afternoon after a night ,morning etc of 'PAYING THE PRICE FOR "ONE BAD DECISION.(im sure more than one)I get to work my wife says going to wendys get lunch and she'll be in.She calls hysterically crying,she gets to the window,out of 35>00 in her pocketbook only $2 leftand the Chase credit card used to bail him out is also gone.He left to go with one of his "friends" cause sick and wanted to get 'juice"Called him back home,swore on my wife s death didnt take it etc.We could not prove it but was and is obvious. We told him we were calling the police having him rearrested or he can get to a mental health clinic ,detox and get help.This morning we are on the way to mental health clinic,he is still dope sick but thinks they'll wean him off on methadone,.He knows he is more than likely going back to jail and that will be worse ;kickin that inside,but when your sick its only the now that makes sense.I know you are reading this and feeling some oF The the emotions we are living,murder,prayer,tears of powerlessness,severe stupidity(maybe not on your part)He is really working his way to the 'big house" and we have to watch it happen.When I spokE with my sponsor at Naranon He SUGGESTED DOING WHAT WAS RIGHT FOR US/,WE cant get it back.I havent been in touch with my sponsor AT NA yet and I missed my saturday group yesterdy.my sponsor is celebrating 20 years this coming sunday and he asked me 'to speak" at his celebration.Right now im feeling a little isolation from all 'groups' and I dont want to be there.it is the reason I wrote this diatribe I cant do this I spent too many years battling on my own....Some of us have to learn the "real hard" way/thanks for listening.keep us in your prayers,we know where this sickness leads us to and I know we are not in any position to judge others but you can see both sides of this fence is wobbly/MIKE KEEP COMING BACKI'LL SAY!!!. I say hello to all newcomers as I have definitely been away and 'MANON PLEASE COME HOME!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Wow Mike, just wow. My sponsor went through this same kinda stuff and told his son "let's go get something to eat" and drove him straight to the police station and told them to return his bond and lock him back up. When he told me that I thought that it was a little extreme but My sponsor said that, in jail, at least he knew that his son wasn't out getting into more trouble and placing himself in harms way (buying dope in the hood) and driving his car ect...
My son is doing his own thing, not on that on that level but making some poor decisions just the same. He's 22 and I swore when he left for college at 18 that my job, as a parent, is over. He's an adult now, needs to be allowed to make his own decisions, enjoy the consequences and learn to live life on life's terms within his ability to deal with life without my interference. I made all of that known to him, and put him on notice as early as age 13, that when he turned 18, he was moving out and, although I would help him with school as long as he was in school, he would have to also manage his life and support himslef. He's doing fine, wasting some time getting through college but it's his life. I'm not in charge and he doesn't represent me in his triumphs or failures. It is what it is, and what he wants to make out of it.
It is SO HARD to let go when an adult child is in the grip of the devil. For me, I had to ...HAD TO...stop circling the drain along with mine, or we'd both be gone.
My own bad decisions always came disguised as the best decisions, but that was an illusion/delusion I had to confront (with a lot of help, of course).
The only decision that was the right decision for me was to stop making any decision that did not put my sanity and sobriety first.
I had to trust that whatever else was meant to be, would be, and I wasn't going to be the one controlling the outcome...nor was I responsible for the outcome. My daughter had to nearly die before making her own decision to live.
As a flawed parent I just soaked up guilt-guilt-guilt, for my own failings, but all that really did was obscure the reality that I am Not-God. I had to give her over to Him, no matter what was happening on the earthly plane.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
Damn Mike sorry, just watch the enabling that won't help or get him any closer to being ready and you we all know what that takes. I will put your son in prayer today I know those sure help there probably what saved a few of us others begging for our salvation.
First of all, my heart goes out to you. I have a 20 year old who was way 'out of control' for several years. It was agonizing at times to watch him fall... sometimes more than once. Today, he is a full-time college student who got his life straightened out.
One of the things I try to remember is that I own nothing... not even my own body. I can't even decide that I'm not going to be sad when "bad" things happen to my son; rather, I can only honor my emotional landscape by neither clinging to it or pushing it away. My home, car, possessions and even my son... do not belong to me.
NA teaches a lot about letting go and letting god. Spiritual ideas like that seem to be universal. For instance, the Stoic named Epictetus taught that excellence is having the ability to understand what is in our power or up to us'. The external things other people, our possessions, the health of our bodies, and so forth are not in our power, that is, they are not completely and always in our power. He taught that if we let our happiness depend upon these things we will be doomed to disappointment and frustration. He taught that our own characters, our inner selves if you like what we think about things, our intention to act this way rather than that (and for these reasons), what we think is worth pursuing or avoiding (and why) these are always in our power, if only we can learn how to exercise this power.
Epictetus taught his students to regard loss by not saying to yourself "This was stolen/taken from me"; rather, he taught that we should say "It has gone back to where it came from". If someone steals something from me, Epictetus taught that I should regard it as "Someone took it back to where it came from".
I've always found strength in this type of openness because it puts me in touch with the truth that if I am alive, I will suffer loss of a thousand forms and that it is arrogant of me to expect to be excluded from that truth. It helps me to appreciate what I have in the moment because I understand that everything - my son, my heath, money... all of it - will go back to where it come from at some point.
I try to regard my existence more in the role of a gardener. I try to encourage the conditions for fruitfulness and to understand that this very basic thing is all that I have in my power to do. With my son, I tried to remember this fact of life. I can't be responsible for the gardening of my neighbor or even my son. To keep the analogy going... I can share the harvest, but it is not in my power to make anyone else take on my gardening practices.
I can be there for my son. I can love him, listen to him, weep with him and share joy with him... but I can't save him from the effects of his choices.
Love ya' Mike, and YES-GOD IS WORKING. Don't know how, but he is WORKING. God worked in my life by letting me sit in jail, it took a serious REALITY check, sounds like he needs one too! NOTHING IN GOD'S WORLD HAPPENS BY ACCIDENT. Keep strong, and keep your connection with God, and you'll make it thru this. Maybe this is how your faith is growing- God Never gives us more than we can handle-Even though sometimes it doesn't look like it.
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"...To weather the storms of tomorrow, you've got to have strength today."
ehipassiko! Hi thanks for you thoughts! its nice to meet you,been in a funk for a bit,but "thru support,my process and my faith in my HP im back.I also see your from Houston,My 45 and 44 year old children live in KATY,TEXAS LITTLE BIT DOWN THE ROAD FrOM YOU.i JUST REESTABLISHED CONTACT WITH THEM AFTER 31 YEARS.talk about a blessing..They both "use" but never crossed over to total devastation like their dad!I am ready to be a great/great grandpa as my 20 year old grandaughter due in few months,Miracles abound,along with the rain ,always comes the sun!!again welcome to the "family' The therapuetic of one addict helping another is definitely without paralell!!! peace
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
wow that is deep sorry gramps that you are going thru all this I am home thanx to my hp. It is not my time I am glad to be home and glad to find you here when Igot back love and hugs
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
It is SO HARD to let go when an adult child is in the grip of the devil. For me, I had to ...HAD TO...stop circling the drain along with mine, or we'd both be gone.
