my labrador of 10 year age, suddenly died this morning. there he was, as usual, this morning. Then my mother commented "Hey, Tiger dosent look too well, wonder what is wrong with him!" I finish breakfast and sit down to relax. Then Tiger gets up and takes a few fltering steps towards Anjies room. My mother gives him a tablet, thinking he is having a fit.
Then I hear my mother say loudly "Hey come on Tiger, whats wrong ?". I go to see and he is drooling and I sit next to hi on the floor thinking what to do. Then my daughter says "Look, he is not breathing".
I ask ma to call the vet.
I keep stroking him and say "Oh no Tiger, dont leave us now", and I see Anjie crying.
"Tiger is not breathing doc, what do we do ?" "keep massaging his heart and take him to the clinic quickly".
I get the car out while my younger brother and the guy next door bring Tiger down. We move quite fast , and I am hoping against hope !
We reach the clinic, but he was brought dead. "His heart stopped beating" says the assistant. I make funeral arrangements. I pay the fees to the assistant, say goodbye one last time tro Tiger, and move on !
I call Anjie and say he is gone "Just bring back his collar" she says tearfully.
For Gods sake, I cannot elieve this is happening. Tigs wasnt sick even one day of his 10 years. He remained celibate all those years. He was a favourite in the close neighbourhood, well liked for his friendliness and bright eyes.
I will always remember the last look he gave me, bright, but like goodbye, take care Raman.
And I was just sayng to ma and Angie "What a selfish, idiotic guy I am, why did I not take our dear Tiger to the funeral myself instead of handing him over to the assistant ?" After all, he was a joy and Blessing in our lives for 10 good years, so why could I not think of taking hi to the burial grounds myself, with the help of the assistant ? Why was I acting in a hurry, when in fact I was free the whole day ?
Who was the fucking false character operating there, being irresponsible and unthinking ?
This is the sort of carlessness and stupidity in my life that I have never understood,,,,no matter what Steps I take !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I am truly sorry raman i know how it hurts and i know the shock.
I don't know man we can probably find some faults in just about everything we do in life and i guess it's good to exam everything so we can grow, dont be hard on Raman give him a break he just lost his friend.
i'll go and count the hairs as you yank them fron his crusty nostrils Tisa LOLOL
I still have a little guilt over my Chelsea but I doubt there was much I or anyone could have done, the vet told me 2 years prior that she had about 2 years to live and thats just about to the day that she died, I found her dead under her lamp that she layed under to stay warm, stretched out tongue hanging I was even going to give her mouth to mouth but I saw the death in her eyes, I looked up at Jennifer and said she was gone , I checked her mouth to see if she had strangled on something nothing was there it was just her time and I had to accept that this creature that was with me for about 14 years, her time was over and it was the hardest year I have had yet in my life, really!.
I love my pets, I have 6 cats now living with me and I enjoy every one of them. Find another dog that needs a good home Raman there are so many that need good people to love them.
Sometimes Raman it best to just sit quietly and reflect on our loved ones passing before we write or speak out of grief .
These animals become part of our family and their loss hits deeply. I get that. I understand. We are not in charge of the big plan and death like life happens in its own time.
It was Tigers time and nothing . NOTHING you could have done would have changed that. Be grateful for the time you had and that his suffering was short .
My deepest condolences for your and your families loss .
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The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .
Raman,I am truly sorry for you in the loss of Tiger,Animals have unconditional love for there owners.It is tough when they go to the big doggie home in the sky.
Thanks all, your input has become effective and I can say that on this day, 3 days after Tigers passing, Im doing the following=
1. Remembering his unconditionbal love and his beautiful big brown eyes that Ive seen reflect concern, understanding, humour, love and affection, fear, joy and that "twinkle". He was a hit in the neighbourhood with his friendly ways, inspite of a big, powerful body. I also believe he had spiritual powers by virtue of his being celibate all his life, a saintly dog indeed. I will always cherish his spirit and memory.
2. Im forgiving myself after asking God to forgive me for being un-planned about the burial. I wish I had been there when they lowered him and then put mud on his body, but that did not happen. The tiredness and fever I was going through, the cloudiness of the medication, being in a state of shock, lack of input from family and concerned others who were also in a state of shock obviously means that I did not have the mental resources to take that event to it,s logical conclusion, the burial and final goodbye.
I draw consolation from CDBUCKBERRYS statement about unconditional love animals give. I set my heart at peace with the thought that Tiger understands and is at this very moment smiling at my from his Space !
3. I have been using the write, write, write slogan to work through this ! And writing is certainly an attempt to keep my nose clean,,,, thanks Vin and Tisa, a bit of humour does help in these times of crisis ! heh, heh !
And yes, Ive stayed clean and largely serene through all this, the disease is never a real threat in my recovery anymore. Ive been blessed and with your input, I stay Blessed !
Thanks Mike and Anthony for your messages !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I can say this, the loss of my little cat and learning about grief, loss and acceptance helped me with the passing of my brother inlaw Louis this last year. The same feeling came up inside most of all was POWERLESSNESS, GOD I hate that feeling of not being able to control people places and situation, LIFE.... but not being able to control forces me to let things go and find peace by turning it over to a higher power then myself, and that is when I have peace of mind, it is very difficult to practice this at times.
Yesterday I though one of my cats got out of the house, he's a bolter if a doors is open he BOLTS if he gets outside he panics after going 10-15 feet and drops to the ground realizing OOOPS where the hell am I ? LOL then he will run straight back to wherever he came from but we left yesterday for a few hours and got home and I couldn't find him anywhere I thought he bolted when we left I just missed seeing him out. I blamed my girlfriend because she keeps bringing over her dog , its a puppy and my cats freak and I have to put them all outside on the patio and prepare all sorts of crap so the dog doesn't get out with them because i am afraid not that the dog will hurt them but the cats will hurt him LOL. Anyhow after spending an hours scouring the streets for the cat I find him way back under my bed but in the mean time i yell at my girlfriend for her bringing that damn puppy to my house and she leaves hurt and angry, LALALALAL same song same dance I have to apologize begging her forgiveness for my loud mouth and yelling I didnt actually YELL but I loudly spoke my dissaproval of her having her dog here with me having 6 damn cats in this house it just doesn't work.
Anyhow sounds like you had a really wonderful loving pet Raman and you were fortunate to have such a animal for a pet, some animals have something very special to give us and we find comfort in that I know that I do my chelsea was there in my life when I was all alone not a single human wanted anything to do with me LOL she'd be right next to me when I cried in pain looking up at me and comforting me it was like God had given me this animal for some comfort.
When she died I made a difficult decision and that was to bury her myself at my Auntys house, it was SO HARD to put her small body in a box I had to curl her up in the sleeping position how she always slept with her face tucked into her belly I put a little blanket my Grandmother made for her under her body, this is hard to write I am crying and remebering the day like its in front of me right now. I dug a deep hole and laid her down in it the hard part was I had to stop petting her and cover her over with dirt. When I left I kept seeing her under that soil and wanted to run back and take her out and hold her, Raman she was like a daughter to me man its still so hard to think about its over whelming but it's gotten easier and I feel silly stressing over an animal but she was more then that in my heart , that makes the difference in having a pet thats just there and actually loving one, I think thats a good thing.
Sorry for my rant hang in there Raman what helped were all the other cats I have that took my attention away from some of the hurt, I was actually able to bond more and give them more attention chelsea was sick for 2 years and I spent a lot of energy on her in that time my guilt was how much pain she went through in that time I wished I had put her down at times when she started looking badly lousing weight and having diarrhea many days had to forgive myself for that and know that I was doing God's will and not mine.
Thanks for sharing Vin, I identified feelings there !
The other day, driving bacxk from the vets after handing Tiger over, I experienced a defining moment !
I was thinking "Pa died and we were not with him that last moment, but Ma, Anjie and I and the pom were all there when Tiger breathed his last". I remember crying out "No Tiger, dont go yet". Overwhelming powerlessness when the realization came over me after my girl said "He isnt breathing anymore dad".
For many years I had agonized that I had missed the urgency when the nurse and then the doctor had called to say my father was going. Ive never understood why I did not just go that half mile as quick as I could. After the ceremonies, I was thinking " what is the meaning in being a recovering addict then ? It,s the selfish and dis-honest using addict that will not bother when a call like that comes" It took many years to come out of self-blame and shame about that moment.
But yes, nature/Life gave us a chance with Tiger, we were all there to pet him and see him on his way to his final resting place,,,,,and for that I am greatful.
God gave us a chance to do for Tiger, what we did not for my father ! So now Tigs will be happy in Pa,s company, in the realms of eternal rest !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I didnt actually YELL but I loudly spoke my dissaproval of her having her dog here with me having 6 damn cats in this house it just doesn't work.
