I am the spouse of a convicted drug user. I thought he was clean and recently found out he is not. I gave him the choice between treatment or me and the kids. He is choosing treatment (thankfully!) but I am wondering, should I go to NA meetings as well?? I know very little about the affects and appeal and need some support in all this.
Hello Lost! Welcome to the board. Glad you found us.I am an addict and also have a 23 year old son who is an addict.For me, I am an active memeber of Narcotics Anonymous,I also am an active member of Naranon (friends,relatives and family of addicts)I would suggest that you definitely find a program "for yourself" such as Naranon,Al-ANON(alcohol related)CODA(co-dependance) and others like it.Although attending NA would give you an idea of what the program is about I feel it is important you 'learn about the disease,learn the "tools" you will need to be able to "detach with love" knowing you are powerless over your addict as he may be over his addiction.Keep coming back here as many on this site living similar situations and working "process" of recovery.Hope to hear back from you and wish you peace as you begin this journey!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Thank you for the advice. My first instinct was to leave him, as we just lost custody of my 5 year old son because of this. However, under the advisement of the presiding judge, I will be stay as long as he is seeking help. I feel like Im choosing him over my son but either way, I can not regain custody at this time. All I can do is the foot work and hope the effort looks good when I do go in front of the judge again. I have never had an addiction and am truly ignorant as to how it really works, so I will be looking for a support group to help me. Thanks again.
My "new" husband is like you as he has NO experience what-so-ever with addiction and am always wishing he did. Unlike my "old" husband ( lmao) that has seen me at rock bottom and knows what I was like. Ive been clean more than 2 years and it still would benefit our marriage if he were in Al-anon etc....so I am in total agreement that you cannot go wrong attending those meetings. For yourself and for the benefit of your marriage.
I agree with what everyone has said. I am an addict, and my husband is not. When I was finally broke down, he gave me an ultimatium as well. I went to treatment and have been clean 24 hours at a time. My husband has learned about what this disease is and is actively participating in meetings and in my recovery. Just make sure that he is not going to treatment to please you thinking it will make everything better, he is the one who has got to want it, otherwise it won't do any good. It is vital for our relationship that he has learned about this disease and talked with other spouses and families about what they are going thru as well. One thing about this disease is that as an addict I just can't "stop" using. I've heard that- Why can't you just stop? or "If you loved me you would quit". My answer to that was if I could I would. I am so glad your here. You will find a wealth of information, as well as peace of mind. Great to have you!!
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"...To weather the storms of tomorrow, you've got to have strength today."
that is the one thing I STILL HEAR! I dont need all this n/a crap, i just have to be strong enough. make up my mind not to....all that b/s! Im just a weak minded person who didnt get enough discipline as a child. Thats why Im so selfish, and conniving. lmao We learn here not to worry about what all the other people think. We cant control anybody but ourselves and we need Gods help to do that!
I tried it 3 times for other people or when I was in trouble trying to get out! The 4th time I told everyone to do what they had to do and Id do what I had to do and I am now clean 2 and half years the 24th of October. We are all responsible for our own actions and thoughts and no one elses! Thats Gods job
lost
there is sooo much we can tell you. Those of us that have had non-addicts as spouses. just keep asking questions and we will happy to give honest answers to the best of our ability. It may help you just a little if you remind yourself that he is sick!! A true addict cant just stop because he loves someone. None of us would be here if we could.
kris
