i don't know how to feel! i just got a call from my sister sarah and she's engaged. he proposed the perfect way. they are in niagra falls watching fire works and he called her name and when she looked he was already down on one knee. so romantic. im so happy for her. im going to kent state university tomorrow to visit some friends and watch my one friend kayla kick ass in rugby. im so excited for that. but on the other hand im still stressed about school and what not. i haven't gotten a job yet and barely have enough money for gas this weekend (even though im not supposed to be driving). i met a guy but hes 10 years older than me and im not sure how i feel about the age difference. and hes a pot head. soooo yeah. um im not sure about that situation. i've been in and out of the hospital the past few weeks. i fainted during class and was taken to the hospital. the only thing they could tell me was i had low blood pressure, i was anemic, and i had a fever. i keep going back and they can't figure out what is going on. AWESOME! not. but whatever. well im going to bed.
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Eeeks liz LOL that's a lot but i feel yuh I have emotions and feelings running amok I dont know what to do about my situation either and these anger feelings are overwhelming with a certain someone whom I may end up having to get away from for both out safety LOL...somethings tells us right from the git it aint gonna be a safe or good place to be then we end up getting attached and its hard to disconnect so if it dont feel right walk away.
i have bad judgement skills. i wont know if its not right until something already happened. so hows the anger sessions going vini? the place that i was going to get a job made their interviewing process more difficult and i have to have 3 interviews. i had 2 already and now im just waiting to see when the last one is. i hope to f*cking god that i get it. if not then i mine as well give the f*ck up.
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Oh then it must be a decent job if they put you through all that just hang on.
WELL i did ok for awhile there then had a few set backs but i have one helluva difficult person in my life maybe toooo dif but i am going again in the morning matter of fact putting off a short vacation just to be there its that important to me i get some manageability with this anger cuzzz this is insanity what i put my self through.
The thought for the day struck me when i read this It's not the awareness of our defects that causes the most agony-it's the defects themselves
I HATE how I am want to change it so damn bad but i have nothing inside to replace this crap with and maybe i need to work the steps over with this one issue and a sponsor i dont know honestly but we dont have to give up or use over it though I have come close.
its not that great of a job. i mean a video rental store. big whoop. well just do what you gotta do. i mean i have a pretty good guess of the difficult person but if you want them you work for it. so i hope everything will go alright and dont give up my friend.
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
blockbuster here is shutting down some stores i had to go to another store that was staying open to keep my account open i love movies.
OH i am working on it but sometimes you have to cut your loss's sometimes your not suitable or compatible she's gone back to some of what she was doing before she met me which is partying , she has a guy friend who she really is trying to help because he's a mess and I am sick of him LOL anyhow I got to go she's pulling up soon and we need to have some conversation about crap that happened earlier today so wish me patience tolerance and love I need allll of that wit dis
you hang in there it gets better, or at least more interesting LOL
I have to agree with Lee, If he is using hes not good company and you should always put your recovery first. God will get you through some pretty tough situations but if you keep putting yourself in bad situations its like jumping off the lifeboat after the ship was sinking....Prayer always has three answers, Yes, No and not yet... maybe you are not ready...
yes ok i understand the guy situation and i can assure that nothing is going to happen. i will not date him, we will see what happens. i know my recovery comes first. all i can say is my worst emotion is back and here to stay. depressed.....
ps. i dont mean to be a bitch so dont take it personally, but chip you may or may not know my past but trust me i am ready. ive been ready since my last OD landed me in a coma. and i dont f*cking need someone to tell me that im not ready.
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
"even though im not supposed to be driving". 
