sometimes it is so much easier said than done I just hope I don't lose what sanity I have left trying to get a head above the water it is so hard to breathe right now it is un real I have literally lost a month of my life since my drama has landed in my lap which has caused me to dissociate the past month is a blur just bits and pieces really lost thursday night when someone tried to break in and scared me into a another alter just to find myself in a fight with the lcal police was sent to the er they were doing mental eval just to send me home @ 4 in the morning I don't know if I will ever regain memory of what happen but I am scared all the time now scared to sleep Ihave lived thru some shit in my life but io was literally scared off (another personality) scared who ever was coming in the house the one thing I hate about being me. I realize how lonely and hopeless Iam becoming but at the same time so grateful to be alive. My son over heard me and his Nana talking I wwas suicidal and he told me he hear me say I wanted to kill myself that life just wasn't worth living anymore. I am selfish, but that brought me to my knees. When I realized just how selfish it made me sick. I don't like anything about my life atm but to have my son remember me saying life was not worth living to think I would have thought if Iheard my mom say that in my mind would be "what about me" So in retrospect hearing him tell me how he heard that made me realize what damage I would do to my only child if I offed myself, can't help but think it would be easier but at the same time to be remembered like that is not how I wanna go the big ? DOES IT EVER STOP I know it does but I have to e responsible enough to stand up and make it that way even thru uncertainty I am in fact a Miracle In Progress and grateful to call this home this board and the ppl on it have been in my life for several years which I will forever be thankful I was tolerated peace of mind would be nice and I realize we go thru everything for a reason but DAMN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH I WANT MY LIFE BACK
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
Manon! Whatever it takes,if its what your son says,if its something somewhere ,anywhere,grab it>I firmly believe that it is God dropping them dimes.yes addiction is a "selfish disease" and you are also fighting many more monsters.Keep gettin it out,pray for strength and trust In your God.Stay on your knees,I cannot say I know the feeling in your heart and mind especially with Did but I can share in your pain.So many nights I cried myself to unconsciousness and mourned the loss of"my life".Thru all of it there always remained a glimmer of "hope".it began with my surrender and my faith in my God.I wish you peace,let us know how its going.mike
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hang in there! I eventually had to do a First Step on my mental illnesses, and realise that I was powerless, I had to do a Second Step and believe that there was a power out the that could help me, and a Third Step to humbly turn my mess over to those that could deal with it.
Not so easy with your history with your therapist, I know, but it has to be overcome. I've seen so much progress in you! We are here for you.
(((((HUGZ)))))
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I may not be 'All That', but I'm always on my mind!
things look like they could be coming to an end at least with a big part of it I am sure whatever happens will not fix everything but it will in time and with you all I won't have to do this alone. By the grace of God the rest will go quietly and move on with their life as I start to do the same my head and heart are far from being healed but in time this chapter will close with some help from my friends and family as well. I go see my shrink Thursday and I go to intake that afternoon as well so things are moving along finallly
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
