I am just starting to go through detox, cold turkey. I am finding the emotional addiction to the pills is worse then the physical addiction. I'm not sure what to do, where to turn, how to even get through the day. I have 4 kids and I need to be there for them but th guilt that I have that I have done this to myself and to them is getting to me. I have a very supportive husband. I need help, suggestions, experience sharing. Any replies will be greatly appreciated.
Hello JPS! WELCOME TO THE BOARD. I would suggest finding a meeting place in your area Narcotics Anonymous ,share your feelings and let people know where you are at.It is good that you are reaching out and have support from your husband,.You have reached the 1st stage,admitting your powerlessness and knowing your life is unmanageable. You can learn to forgive yourself and know our message is one of hope and the promise is freedom, An addict,any addict can stop using drugs,lose the desire to use and find a new way to live.Keep coming back here as "the family" will share their suggestions on what may or may not have worked for them.Your feelings are natural as you 'detox" from whats in your system and addiction entails all parts of our physical,mental and spiritual areas of our lives.As hard as it is try and stay "in the day" take the support you have available and 'WORK IT" I will pray for your peace of mind and your strength get the help that you are asking for...mike
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I find it very important that you realise that addiction entails far more than the physical dependancy.
QUESTION: What do you get when you take the dope out of a crazed dope fiend? ANSWER: a crazed fiend!
Meetings, meetings, and more meetings were what I used early in recovery to get through my day. I remember one particularily rough day I went to 6 meetings in one day just to hold it together!
At those meetings I began to talk to and relate to other women in the Fellowship. I got phone numbers and eventually started calling them. I found one woman who I could relate to, who had an air of serenity about her that I desperately wanted for myself. I begged her to Sponsor me, and after pestering her for a month, she finally agreed. She gave me suggestions, and being as desperate as I was, I took them. Things got better.
We worked Steps together, and the guilt slowly began to fade. I was no longer simply clean, I was RECOVERING!
Hang in there, JPS! It gets better... just KEEP COMING BACK!!!
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I may not be 'All That', but I'm always on my mind!
I can so relate to the issue of guilt. If I am not careful it will destroy me. In fact it kept me out there for about 4 years after a relapse. Prior to this relapse I had years of clean time. The things that I did to destroy a marriage that I didn't want to be in anyway weighed heavy on me for a long time. We also had children. The thing that I realized this time though was that these feelings of guilt, shame , remorse, or even joy are simply a language that my HP uses to communicate with me. See, at some point in my life certain values where instilled in me. Things like Honesty, respect, and charity to name a few. When I start compromising my values through my actions and my behavior, HP lets me know. This Idea doesn't make the guilt or shame much lighter but it helps me to understand why its there ( for me). What I did that kind of helped is, I started looking at my behaviors and actions today and did my best to keep them in line with my values. This helps me to look more at where I am going than where I was. It kind of helped me to put down the bat so to speak. I hear it said that resentment is the number one offender. For me Im not so sure, Guilt almost killed me.
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It sure is eazier to get through the moment than it is to get through the aftermath.
A little something I wrote when I had this spiritual awakening
Guilt
Today there is a new sense of hope. In all that seems wrong there is a glimmer of peace.What once was a prison is now a shinning beacon. Like a light house protecting my life from the treachery of a rocky shore. The peace is in knowing that the light house is there for a reason. Not to attract, but to repel a danger that is without a doubt clear and present. Today I choose to trust the light house, for I know it will keep me safely afloat.
Guilt is no longer the rocky shore........ It is the light house
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It sure is eazier to get through the moment than it is to get through the aftermath.
When I came off my last relaps my mom took me back in due to my life being in SHAMBLES!!! I was trying to take care of my daughter, but I couldn't find it in me to get out of the bed. I needed help I knew this! So I started by going to 1 meeting and i pretty much spewed my guts in the last five minutes of the meeting, begged for a temporary sponsor and listened intently as I recieved advice on where to go from here... I too know the guilt of wanting and feeling the responsibility of being there for your child/ children! However what I relized was as I went to meetings and spoke to other addicts, AND TURNED MY WILL OVER TO MY HIGHER POWER... That is when I really saw my self not just do a 180* turn around but when I began to blossom out of the rubble and desicration of my past! This program Works! You just have to rememeber 3 things BE HONEST! BE OPENMINDED! AND BE WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!!! God bless you and I can't wait to hear more as your journey unfolds!
