I think I have an unusual relationship with drugs. I only once had an actual drug of choice...which was coke. After I got control with that it's just been random binges on whatever I could get my hands on...which added up to being a lot.
I have a problem with self destructive behavior, and drugs have always been what I turn to first.
6 months ago I moved back in with my parents. I had gotten myself into serious financial trouble, lost my car, was about to lose my apartment, owed the utilities over a grand. I thought it would be a way to get a fresh start. The added bonus was that I was going to be moving 350 miles from any drug connection. I didn't know anybody at all in this new area.
Now we're in the present.
It's taken me 6 months to find a job. The first thing that came to mind was that I'd have an income and that I'd possibly find drug connections. My sister has a friend who works at this place and I know there are stoners who work there. For a couple days I was completely consumed by these thoughts. I even dreamt about coke. I had absolutely everything planned out.
I'm doing better right now. What I really want to do is save money and get out of my parents house. I hate living here. I know I can't move out AND maintain a coke addiction. I'm doing what I can to remind myself of this every time my thoughts start heading down the path of getting coke/heroin/crystal/whatever.
The reason I'm not just going to my local NA is because I can't tell my parents about any of this. They know about my past, but they don't realize that not everything is in the past for me. It's a very long story why I feel that I can't just tell them. Since I'm in a new area and haven't gone out much, I don't have any friends in the area...so it's not like I could be pretending to go meet up with a friend once a week or whatever.
Anyway. I'm totally new to NA. I don't know if there's some sort of protocol that I'm neglecting to follow...
Do your parents know that you used to use? If so, you can simply tell them that you want to go to NA to make some new non-using friends. Which is true, as far as that goes.
I'm a big fan of being up-front and honest with people. It simplifies life wonderfully! As with anything in NA, nobody is going to MAKE you do anything. We give suggestions. Its up to you if you choose to use those suggestions or not.
The bottom line is that you need help... and you are here, asking for help... and we are here to help... funny how that works out, isnt it? LOL!
My suggestions are as follows:
Pray every morning for God to help you stay clean. Talk to recovering addicts any time you feel like using. Pray every time you feel like using. Go to meetings. Read NA literature. (You can find a lot of it online.) Get honest. Keep coming back. Pray every night, thanking God for keeping you clean another day.
and DONT USE NO MATTER WHAT
Welcome, InAbsentia! I am glad you are here!!!
(((HUGZ)))
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I may not be 'All That', but I'm always on my mind!
Hey INabsentia! yes welcome to the board. Keep coming back ,lot of strength ,hope and experience thru these pages.Not much new under ths sun that we have nt shared ,done or lived.....I also believe gettin to PROGRAM. CAN START THE WHEELS TURNING,you are honestly asking for help so be honest with those that need to hear you need help!We are here day and night(some got that 'no sleepin thing)Just dont use!,will just continue to complicate things.Thanks for sharing ,hope to see more of ya!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
