First of all to my family here,your support for our family has been a blessing and allowed me to "get out" whats inside has taught me that I need to step out on faith even when I remain guarded.You can't get help if you dont say whats up.I still have that "I'll fix it " scenario even after all these years. Eric left this morning and we are now stepping back and letting the God of our understanding do His work.I just left my home group 'NEW DAZE' and was able to share the pain and also feel the love.It was a difficult time for my wife and I as we could not come to unity on certain issues of sending Eric out.I think when my son said that even though he is back on suboxone he still is not sure if he will use or not my wife realized that we could not go on as it was...My wife believes that substitue maintenance is the answer.I reaffirmed that he has to 'want it if he is going to make it.I know that if the phone rings after midnite, or the sirens roll down the street there will be alarm in our hearts but I have to also believe in the peace that surpasses all understanding as we place our trust in our higher power,whom we choose to call GOD.Today I Read ,Detachment is profound love,wrapped in understanding and bound by courageThere is no coincidence in finding that reading as we lamented his departure.I think back to my using years and the pain that I caused and can only pray that like another reading from my favorite book says'Teach a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it. We have worked to hard to let 'ANYONE STEAL OUR JOY" Thank you everyone for your uncondtional love and your genuine caring.I continually pray for all here in my daily office and wish you peace .Life will keep comin at us and we can be here for each other..... mike f
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Mike one time while living with my mother after having been released from prison she had to make the choice on how to remove me from her home. My parole officer at the time told her to take me to the next town south and drop me off at the homeless shelter, and she did.
Me 29 years old with a sack of clothes dropped off by my mother to a homeless shelter, that's pretty sad but thats what needed doing and shit didn't stop me from continuing to use for anther 9 years.
Some of us are enabled to much, we need get to the end of our using and we need to know we are responsible for our addiction and what we do with our life.
I am sorry your having to go through this my friend you will be in my prayer.
-- Edited by BigV on Tuesday 15th of September 2009 12:02:45 AM
The last thing I lost out there was hope. When all was gone and I saw no way out that hope died away like a burnt up match. Softer and smaller until finally poof , It was gone.
It was an act of grace that the very first thing NA brought back to me was hope. That hope permeates everything I do today. Theres hope for me . Theres hope for my kids . Hope for a wife who has cut way back on using but still suffers the addict mentality . That hope at times sustains me . I feed off of it. I look for hope in everything I do. When it seems hopeless .....I still have hope.
My tribe understands that. Addicts know true hopelessness . And when we get hope back , We cherish it . We dont squander it and we dont take it for granted . We know what it feels like to lose it.
Theres hope enough for all of us.
Praying for you and yours Mike . Your my predessesor and Thank God you were here. You shore my hope up every day. All of you do.
__________________
The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .
Thanks Anthony! We share similar pain and also similar hope.I also thrive on the hope that takes me forward each day and I am getting better at sharing the pain with my" family" here and my other support groups.I wish you peace,thanks for being part of the solution..NA brings me true "recovery" as long as I do the work!
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Thanks Anthony, There is no greater subject for me because without hope I would slowly wither away and die. Spiritually mentally and physically. Most likely in that order. Mike, I feel your pain and I envy your strength, but only because I know where it comes from. Your in my prayers tonight, as well as your son.
__________________
It sure is eazier to get through the moment than it is to get through the aftermath.
