Tell your head "thanks for sharing, but these guys LOVE me..." ((((hugs))))

No. YOU ROCK RAMAN

Thanks Alygat, hows the smokers issue turning out ?
Hope youve been abstinent, I know it was worth it for me.

My main concern is how Im finding one or twoshares consistently sharng about how only live meetings can be the answer; if that were true, then why share that here ?
Are they playing out a "saviour" act here ?

I am also admitting that being a talkative addict, with free access here, there maybe some times when toomuch is said by me.
Or is it low self esteem allying with other low self-esteem inputs and negative what is working for all of us here !

That said, and ignoring negaives, Im greatful to you Alygat and Mike for being here !
I need yall in my recovery, STAY BLESSED as I pray I do too !

Raman your one of the original players who helped me save my life YOU KEEP COMING BACK !

ha,ha !
 
I thank you Dean, Vin and Tisa, with all this love and confirmation coming my way from you, I am now all the more convinced that life would be unthinkable without MIP !. By Gods Grace this Forum will be there till eternity ! 

When I left a treatment centre after 5 months the Ist thing was to do a meeting. We'd been taken to AA when in treatment and seen how important that is in recovery. There were 3 meetings a week then. As i attended those meetings for one year, some oldtimers encouraged me to write to NA. I did. 

NA World Service office sent a load of literature. They said 
"There are no NA meetings as of now in your area. We encourage you to try and start one. In the meanwhile, we suggest that you keep in contact with other recovering addicts through the Meeting by Mail publication of NA Loner Group". I read the Basic Text cover to cover.This was the first time I found that an addict, even an addict like me, or any addict, could lose the desire to use and find a new way of life !
 
I also took their suggestion seriously and wrote, wrote and wrote to other members in Loner Group and Meeting By Mail. So you see, since that very time, 21 odd years ago, Ive been used to having a mixture of meetings where I can see others and meetings where I couldnt. I believe that each are appropriate in their own context. Most importantly, I have come to depened on doing what is availabe .I'd been shown that there is no just one way to recover, and not just one particular kind of meeting is valid. What is real is what is there on that day !

Then, it was year two of my recovery. My mother and I partnered a nursery school. I also started an NA meeting in that school shed and had a few addicts visit occasionally. I did a lot of mailing in Loner Group. Imagine my thrill when i saw a letter or package from a Loner member in the snail mail box, or when an addict, in recovery or newcomer turned up in that shed! Whew !  It kept me going in my recovery !

Gradually, contacts with recovering addicts all over the world grew. Most importantly, that was the only source I had for addiction identification. Six months later I had to let the weekly Tuesday meeting go and do only the Meeting by Mail and AA. And life went on and I was really involved with becoming a responsible and productive member of society. I remember with gratitude Gail, Ronda, Martin Jeff, Betul, Brian and Kit, Dale, Natalino, and many more who supported this isolated addict. 
 
In the meanwhile,few more addicts cleaned up and attended AA. They were ok with that. However, few addicts indicated that NA would be more comfortable for them, and many of them stayed away from AA after a meeting or two or even without. They semed to identify at the level of symptoms rather than at the level of feelings where empathy becomes a healing force for all addicted people. In the midst of all this, meeting by mail continued and sharing by many addicts gave me experience I needed in my ongoing recovery.
 
Then one NA meeting a week, with many addicts became a reality in that city. It was called Reality-Group. I served as GSR. I also kept commitment in AA and served in group area and regional levels. I tried to spend lot of time with newcomers. I also attended many AA and NA conventions. I was also previleged to sit at the inaugral NA Regional Forum as rep. from my city/area. 

By this time I was working a Step 4 with a sponsor. I met him in my city, when he, his wife and a few others came to do a Step 4 workshop. I latched onto him. He lived 20000 miles away but I hung onto his guidance as no one had got Step 4 experience in my city. Remember this was the times when the first ever NA approved Step 4 guide had just been published and as I discovered, no one in my area or region had done that writing. I had got the feeling that continued recovery demanded that I finsh the 4th Step. The communication was primarily by snail mail letters posted once a week from both sides.They did however provide what "spiritual nourishment" I needed to complete. 

Then, new experiences unfolded. I stopped smoking and stayed stopped for the first time in my life. Closeness with my family, with other recoverers became a reality. Then came trust in the Higher Forces.I did a few study courses, the nursery and antiques business I'd started brought in a good amount of money and satisfaction. I got married at that time too, and lo and behold, one year later there came my little girl. She was born premature by a month and some, so that left me thinking that my little darling was eager to meet daddy, ha, ha ! 

Luckily for me,my sponsor and many others then came back to do another, larger, more meaningful 4th Step workshop. This was a truning point for me because any deficits I had not covered in the first writing were addressed now.After they went back to New Mexico, the only way to keep in contact with them was this newly emerging phenomena called email and inrernet. I was experiencing and utilizing a worldwide tech revolution and this increased recovery oportunities manyfold. Of course,if I told you about how long it took to send email then, as compared to now, its a laugh, but that was my lifeline to my sponsor and the finishing of the 4th Step. It took me two years of writing to get that sorted ! 

By this tme however, I was faced with a dilemma when my sponsors heart condition resurfaced,.All was going smooth and nice and suudenly this turn. Moreover they were supposed to visit again to complete the 4 Step Workshop series. They could not, so the 4th was completed with Barabra,  his wife, also a recovering addict.
 
Ther 5,6,7,8 and 9th Steps had to be done. Tom my sponsor asked me to move on so I did.I searched the people in Meeting by mail and asked for help. That help came first with Eric and later with Diana, both NA friends from Loner Group. This was primarily done through email and snail mail too. 

In the meanwhile, NA had grown locally.There were 6 meetings a week at this time in my city and I did as many as I could. However big differences with others in the local groups, like me being vegetarian, non-gambling, non-whoring, working-man etc and left me feeling very apart from and isolated.No efforts were made to change who I had become because I did not want to return to those addictive behaviours; they made me sicker in clean time. Therefore, invitations to their parties, gossip meetings, get togethers and meetings outside meetings did not come my way.I felt a deep dissappointment, rejection and isolation. But I never took it to heart. My attitude was "Oh yer, fuck them, I have worldwide contacts to share with". I also found many local addicts and those in the mail flocking to me for sponsorship. That and meetings after meetings with few accepting addicts became a way of life. Serving as Chairman of Area, Regional member for two terms, back to gsr of Reality group and in events kept me committed to carrying the message to the addict that still suffers by working with others, inspite ! I also attended as many Conventions as possible and met many of my worldwide contacts in those ents.

Around this time,four very significant things were happening that made me realize the importance of reaching out to solve problems. I was back to playing music again, as was suggested by my sponsor. this was a great thing and I quickly began playing as well as I could, prompting the statement that we need to be the best recovering addicts that we can be. However, the downside was that events happened mostly at nite kept me away from local meetings. Then I had to contend with my dear fathers ill-health and imminent demise. This was a sad moment, as Pa had been there all along and I knew I'd miss him. Moreover, my brother and I inherited a great estate, and that made me nervous too as this was the first time in life did I have access to property I could call my own. Then came the seperation and divorce in an unhappy marriage, lot of it my fault, and also something beyond my understand about why it went that way ! This left me in a happy and sad position of suddenly  becoming a single parent of a four year old girl. Sad cause she was motherless, and happy cause she was with me and I had not been fooled by their tricks to get me to hand babyover to them.

In all these areas, I had no experience, strength and hope to draw on from the local Fellowship so once again, the internet contact with other addicts saved the day and kept my life and recovery from getting unmanageable ! Needless to say, through all those happenings,I never once felt like using or doing anything self destructive.

2004 is when I have the happy memory of being elected Chairman of the Worldwide Workshop on recovery and service held in home twon Bangalore, attended by an estimated 500 addicts. That entire event was arranged through telephone and email, and there was never a hitch in the operations. And that event brought me face to face with Loners. Imagine the thrill of meeting in person Jeff, Betul, and Natalino  who I had exchanged mail with for 10 to 16 years. I also formed a lovely relationship with a woamn friend from Meeting By Mail; my only regret is that I did not realize where that could have headed, BLISS ! Hmmmm! I also met my curent sponsor Bob at that event and have ahad a fruitful relationship ever since.Extended service for my home group Jyohi as gsr continued, as well as on the Regional Convention Committee as registration chair. 

The high point of 2004 end was the finding of Miracles In Progress ; Ive been here ever since. John, Vin and Cooncat Bob and Lon were my early friends then. Id always been impressed by Vins sturdy attitude to life and perseverance. Moreover the service he has done here is stupendous, God Keep him blessed. 

Then later, theres been sage advice/ life saving sugestions from Dean,  Anthony,Vin, Blithe, Manon,Tahir and others who stood by me in crisis and now that list is extended to Mike, Lee, Alygat, Tisa, Liz,Rumblefish, Keli. We offer or take suggestions and guide each other in recovery. There are also others who read  post.
 
And yes, I still do keep in contact with my sponsor by email, as I have done for the last five years, as i continue with guiding my sponsees the same way. A sponsee of mine and I, the other nite returning from a meeting, calculated that in the one year from 12 September 2008 to 12 September 2009 I have been in about 220 or so live meetings. So, the underlying theme in my recovery has always been a nessecity to have both face to face and non face to face meetings, I  I take an educated guess that, God wants it to be like that too, as has been, so I say thanks to you all and so it shall it be, just for today ! This is something that has arisen from the ground of recovery, and not something manufactured to suit my conveniences !

These internet associations come face to face when most unexpected. Imagine my jexitement  when I found out that the dear old scottish lady, who did the main share in the Birmingham UK national Convention this year could be  the same addict who had shared many useful suggestions in my early recovery on meeting by mail and personal letters. 

I went up to her after her share  and said
" I heard you mention Loner group in your share. Are you Jenna from Dumferlin ? My name is Raman, Imve been a Loner Member too. I first wrote you 20 years ago and had some very fab suggestions from you ever since !" After 20 years of first writing to her and staying in contact over the following years and then meeting her like this was an emotional experience.  A lifetime memory, as was the meeting in person with Jeff, Betul and Nat in person in 2004 after knowing them in the mail and internet for 10 to 16 years.

God willing,I know one fine day, I know I will get to meet you too, and till then looking forward to our meetings and sharings here at Miracles In Progress !

Long Live this Forum and all our recoveries !


-- Edited by Raman on Sunday 13th of September 2009 11:36:42 AM

-- Edited by Raman on Sunday 13th of September 2009 12:11:25 PM

Of course you are Tisa,  

As  sure as the sun rises in the east, I need you in my recovery ! 
(Im nodding my head up and down, like body language "YES")
 
I've noticed you have an analytical element in your thinking that is grounded in reality.
(ive raised my eyes off the keyboard, as if Im looking at you sitting accross the table) ,( as a result of your latest avatar photo) 

 I value that very much., your insights have always been helpful ! Thanks !

-- Edited by Raman on Monday 14th of September 2009 11:58:56 AM

Ive also been taken aback when some have actually shouted in their shares
"this sharing is n ot about feeling good, its all about what is bad in my life"
Some further added
"If you life is good, why are you in NA ?"

Stick with the winners, it says.
To me this means doing what is required to mek me feelgood about myself and my reciovery, so that I can appreciate others lives too.

NA meetings are not a dumping ground for any ill feelings I may have, and to berate others who seem to be doing well.

This is where the honesty principle is valid as never before.
If on a particular day , Im feeling good, I need to share that in the meeting. This shows that the Program works in restoring good feelings.
there maybe time swhen I need to share bad incidents or feelings, therfore on that particular day, that is what will be appropriate !

There are no predetermined, regimental rules to follow in NA !

Seems like and addict like me will not change direction or attitude qucik enough to avoid further pain and conflict !
That can be siad to be th result of being obstinate, being obssessed and such like !
These handy lables hurt us further and keep us more in denial.

Basically one has to realize that self-identiy issues need to be addressed here.
The attractiveness of letting go old patterns that keep us stuck in a negative self-image needs to be greater than wanting to hold on.

While Im in an intimate-relationship, I enjoy the closeness, intimacy feelings of ove and belonging etc. But when things getnotherwise, what do I do ?
Hold on and hold on because Im saying to myself
"It is better to hold on to this familiar pain, I know some coping mechanisms".

And therein lies the difficulty.
A complex, intimate relationship cannot be fixed with mere coping mechanisms when it runs into foul weather. What needs to be done is to address the problem bot with experience of self-help as well as expert opinion. This will certainly lead to constructive dialogue, thereby leading to a way by which the partners can stay as friends, at the worst. It is also vcery possible that we will be able to slove conflict and avoid further pain and hurt by allowing expert opinion to get into the act.

That said however, I need to rememeber at all times that my own recovery is my first priority, and that any pretensions at social acceptability that may be attributed to having an intimate partner has to be rejected.
the Basic Text cleary says that "social acceptability does not equeal recovery".

YES Mike, because of trying to care, Ive made some irrational choices.

So, the Basic Text spells out a tidy solution
"We need to stay emotionally detached in order to solve problems ".

Ive suffered with girlfriends, NA and AA people, my own father and brother, and my  mother, who I have have many times confronted about her crossword puzzle pastime, even when I needed to talk and clear issues with her.

Seems like many people think that as long as issues arew brushed under the carpet opr ignored completely, these issues will somehow magically disappear !

Thank God, and Guidance from good worthies such as you, that I am saved from those delusions !

-- Edited by Raman on Friday 18th of September 2009 06:32:48 PM