One of the oldtimers I knew from my first day clean, after staying clean for more than 10 years, relapsed a couple of years back... Last week I heard that he committed suicide... He was the Chair of one of our regional conventions many years back... May peace be upon his soul...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
" An addict may suddenly be in desire to use, may go out and use or want to commit suicide and end the pain and misery if life becomes too unmanageable again."
I remember those words of sponsor of that time who is from New York and was about 22 years clean about 12 years ago and had seen hundreds of addicts come and go in the rooms.
Even before the first Step Guide called Workin Step 4 in Narcotics Anonymous got published in 1988, my sponsor and many other like minded NA's had formed a group to write and share the 4th Step in NA.
They found that the ones that worked it stayed clean and serene, without an exception.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Someone told me once that suicide happens when your current crisis becomes more powerful than your ability to see ahead. That helped me.
I still think about it a lot, I think about it so much that I feel guilty, and then something bad happens and I feel like it's God punishing me for plotting it out. It seems like such a good idea, but then I think of "well, what if I messed up and ended up brain dead or scarred or something" and "what would my family do".
I'm simply too chicken. Also, I'm gripping to the feeling that it will be better, someday.
That said however, medical and psycholigical experts say that suicidal tendencies could be the result of clinical depression.
Which means, if anyone of us is diagnosed as clinically depressed, our firt move should be towards addressing that condition with the properly qualified authorities, and not let it fester or do some other acting out like spending, eating sex, gambling etc !
Sage advice from me ? No, just clooective experience that I was previledged to access AND SHARE HERE !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
