I HAVE to get to live meetings for awhile, get with the program , get a sponsor and start working on myself with the steps and a sponsor because I am in full dry drunk mode. I barely made it to a meeting last week I wanted to drink so bad, after i drink I ALWAYS use so I have to get some things going and worked out and back on a spiritual level before I kick myself in the ass out the door again.
This isn't working for me anymore and I am going to check out for a bit but I will be checking in every day as moderator.
You guys keep this place alive, if some of you can get on in the evenings and see if some meetings can't get going, there are many new comers needing help in that room.
take care of yourself BigV, we'll leave the light on for you. You're probably stressing a little about that new mortgage commmittment. Happens to us all. Maybe think about a clean and sober room mate to share expences.
Vinnie you know what you have to do.We will wait to hear from you and wish you peace.Thanks for the continued help and support here now go get some for yourself..mikef
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Thanks guys i knew you'd understand . The book say's pain motivates us to renew our daily spiritual maintenance and thats where i'm at. A lot has gone on in the past month loss's and gains that mortgage isn't the big deal but ALL THE REST OF THE CRAP added to and on top of the mortgage makes it a bit tougher and now my knees blown out i'll be working with even less income so a room mate may be something I need to think about and take a look at.
My personal relationship with Jenn is difficult to for me to give her what she needs its going against my charecter defects LOL power and control and acceptance of giving what she asks of me bring on a great deal of fear, i get resentful and angry but i'm letting myself go there due to the lack of spirituality which is driving me insane and possibly back to using and thats the last damn thing I want heppening, it just can't and WON'T. Hell if I have to I thought about going into the detox unit before I use LOL detox from all this insanity, funny huh ? serious !
Ok have a great weekend talk at you later thanks Mike thanks Dean Love you guys.
-- Edited by BigV on Monday 7th of September 2009 09:34:03 AM
Hey Vin, its been a while since Ive been here. Hate to see that your struggling so. But your doing the right thing. Speaking from experiance I encourage you to do what ever it takes. I MEAN WHAT EVER IT TAKES! If you remember I relapsed 4 years ago after 8 years clean. Getting back has been hell. I have 32 days right now. Cant remember the last time I had 30. So its a mile stone for me. And the thing is I never strayed from the program. In the last 4 years I cant remember going more than a few days without a meeting. Something devistating happens to us when we open that box and let the monster back out. The thing that I have suffered the most is lost of self respect. The person who was once very comfortable standing out in broad daylight is now lost somewhere in a deep dark tunnel trying to find the way out. Believe me, This is no place to be. So do what it takes to stay where you are. You right where you need to be anyway. OH WAIT!!!!! I think I see a pin point of light.
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It sure is eazier to get through the moment than it is to get through the aftermath.
I am new to this room but feel like an old friend because we are all in this together and we all know what we have to do to STAY clean. I dont drink but I am in the same place you are and it is getting too too close for me.!!too!!! i wish you nothing but peace and a renewed sense of recovery! I too will be starting my 90 in 90 tom. and I have to get a new sponsor because mine is soo far away and I need the stepwork worked with me hands on/just a personality thing .
I have faith when I read that others with years and years also go through the same shit I do and that yes we can recover!!!!I really needed to read that today.
I also will continue to be a member here. but going to live meetings everyday too. i havent figured out how to get into room for actual meetings on here so if anyone can help me with that????
Id say good luck but its not luck its hard work, may you find your serenity and come back to us soon!!
You know ? There are no strangers in NA, only friends who havent met. Addiction makes us one of a kind, and where better to re-possess myself, both at MIP and live meetings ???
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
My Prayers and Best Wishes Vini, yes, nothing like the healing of making regular face-to-face meetings, perfect dose to all the sickness of mind and emotions that I can get into at times...
Love you bro, NA Hugs to you!
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Advice giving is in bad taste Vin,, but I can assure you that practicing a judicious mix of live meetings with online/mail Forums has been the best recovery Ive ever had. And strangely enough, this has been so from the first year of my recovery, and continues to this day, nearly 22 years later.
Just for today I will believe that complete and continous abstinence,in close association and identification with others in NA groups (whtever sort) is still the best ground for my growth.
And that abstinence means staying clean from narcotics and not doing the things that dont keep me serene !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I have to say that just this small chnage in my program is bringing WONDERFUL results there is still more to do but so far just in a short time of making a renewed effort on my program and life the results are all 100% positive.
I'm still around peeking through the cracks in the www.
-- Edited by BigV on Wednesday 9th of September 2009 11:03:23 AM
Hey Vin, its been a while since Ive been here. Hate to see that your struggling so. But your doing the right thing. Speaking from experiance I encourage you to do what ever it takes. I MEAN WHAT EVER IT TAKES! If you remember I relapsed 4 years ago after 8 years clean. Getting back has been hell. I have 32 days right now. Cant remember the last time I had 30. So its a mile stone for me. And the thing is I never strayed from the program. In the last 4 years I cant remember going more than a few days without a meeting. Something devistating happens to us when we open that box and let the monster back out. The thing that I have suffered the most is lost of self respect. The person who was once very comfortable standing out in broad daylight is now lost somewhere in a deep dark tunnel trying to find the way out. Believe me, This is no place to be. So do what it takes to stay where you are. You right where you need to be anyway. OH WAIT!!!!! I think I see a pin point of light.
OH MAN is it good to see you back just hang in there ANJ figure out what the down fall was and get back in that saddle and ride , hang on a little tighter this time and renew the effort, its ok man most of us have been there and done that and survived it to be even better then before, happy to see you here made my day.
