hello family! Without a big long ceremony I needed to talk about this more or less just to get out of my head and move forward.I have a 23 year old son (recovering heroin addict) been living with us since release from jail last November.He has been clean of shooting dope since his initial arrest in 2007.He has many multiple diagnoses including OCD,Manic Depresion,Anti- personality disorder(dont we all have this?)Anger issues and dislikes people in general.He has been isolating quite a bit but recently got a full time paperroute at night(driving route)starting to earn his way and getting out a little more.all good except vampire lifestyle (work at night ,sleep during the day)anyway because of the shrinks he sees and medicaid doctors(who now because he is working ,will probably end) have had him on Xanax,resperdal,Seraquil,Atavan,Paxil,Lexapro and now the latest Klonipin. He has a hard time sleeping(heroin addicts can relate)and uses these meds in his own fashion rather than the way prescribed(abuse)Takes Klonipin to sleep ,chews them instead of slow acting and then goes into a nod etc.He doesnt believe in program(NA) because he believes he can still drink a little and smoke herb every now and then Its his recovery and he'll have to come to terms with that,but as long as he lives with us their are guidelines he must adhere to,He believes its nuts because I went back to program after so many years"clean"He is not into "recovery " just abstinence and sporadically at that.He says between jaisl,TC'S,rehabs he knows all that(23 right!!!) .Last night I told him kind of in frustration that he needs to look for a place to live.Its starting to bring us back on the rollercoaster again and although i am very far removed from active addiction im "not that well"Fleeting thoughts again of "tired of it,like to just dig a hole mellow out.I atttend program for that AS I have stated previously(Naranon)and have a very strong faith base but keeping me on edge,a place where i choose not to be.His only place to go right now (due to monetary reasons) is his old spots,his gang still using and abusing.We do communicate as much as we can but we are 2 stong -hardheaded addicts but I am the father.Before i fell off to sleep last night I once again pictured the God of my understanding with His arms around me and almost holding me back to 'be still" and let the work begin.Today we resolved some issues but now he is short of his suboxene by about 8 days and im feeling he is selling it,he says no just took more than prescribed because drop down from 16mg to 12 mg wasnt best idea.I am definitely working thru this and know a lot of my own answers to my thoughts but needed to 'purge" to renew my strength.Dont like my inner feelings been having lately and though i am far removed I can see the demons knocking(they are always there).My God will give me strength but I believe He also allowed me "the family" to be able to talk and dump.thanks forlistening to this diatribe.peace as always
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
You say "Its starting to bring us back on the rollercoaster again." Well dont BS yourself . You know better . Your tickets bought , your on the ride and you've taken the first drop.
Brother your an addict and one of your kids is using in your home . HELLOOO !!!!! I know you know that already . I know also that it can sting a bit when we hear it from others. I assure you Mike its coming from nowhere but love.
You cant fix him. You couldnt do it yesterday , you aint going to do it tomorrow , And you sure aint doing it today.
Your here . Your still in YOUR solution . Your talk of fleeting thoughts are the biggest concern for me. I know you love him but you know the drill. Your son will get you high before you get him clean.
Get to a co-dependants anonymous meeting asap. Get to an NA meeting asap. Call your sponsor. If your not already , get back into stepwork. Your letting your love for this kid cloud your judgement. Addicts will take your love and flip it on you as their own excuse to use. You know that.
Thanks for lessening your pain here.
Compatriot father of a 26 year old addict son. Anthony G.
__________________
The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .
Anthony! thanks for the "love' yes my Naranon meetings are on thursday and i am caling my sponsor tonight.If its down in writing its been there longer than i let myself want to think about it. Takes me awhile to "get honest' with myself and I know by allowing,making excuses and tolerating :using" in my household is "riding back on the train.Time to quit talking good game and do whats necessary!I need rude awakenings,thats what helped me..I am hearing what I need to hear, cant be much more clear even when I may want to blot it out! appreciate the honesty and know it is heartfelt........peace
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
The reason it's called Tough Love is 'cuz it's so darn tuff to love someone enough to let them go. Your story is my story, with my daughter (except she was on even more psychotropics, if u can imagine). Horror story after horror story, heartbreak after heartbreak, incredible financial drain, horrid trauma (all the ICU near-death scenes), being played, hurting over her real pain, on and on, etc. etc.
I have five words for you, my friend:
Let go, and let God.
And know that whatever happens, it is not your fault, and neither do you get to take the credit.
-- Edited by LeeU on Wednesday 2nd of September 2009 06:28:14 PM
__________________
From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
Hey Lee! Thanks for writing,yeah I been dumping all day,what do we say 'when the pain gets bad enough!Just got back from a Meeting on a night when I usually dont make it.A blessing.Called my sponsor to run some stuff by him(also working my fourth step now ready to dump that 60 years of "stuff"Ironically enough my son and I both agree he needs to get a place of his own whether it is in a detrimental environment or not,He''ll have to deal with it..You know its funny,Been attending Naranon for 3 years,know all the tools ,yet as much asknow what to do,all the good sayings I feel like this is harder for me than getting clean oh so long ago..We have talked a bit how we both feel and agreed that no matter what "honesty' has to be utmost at his point,forget discretion and discernment,brutal honesty got to be it!!I feel a quiet sense of spiritual presence since I was able to open up a little.Time to stop talking,not let this "simmer down"and "detach with love" Even my son says "well dont seem like Naranon is working for ya,like NA IS..ahh out of the mouth of babes! Anthony was able to see thru my armour and helped me immensely in 'getting real' make a committment again and "do some work"yup I just aint that well but im better than I was.Thanks for input.Tomorrow I will bring out the real deal at my co-dependant session.Things are not alright and I need to say that.peace mike
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hey Anthony! how ya doin! just want to thank you again for being true to what this program is all about,honesty! Its funny both my kids from my first marriage "use" but guess difference is that "dont live in my house' they are 43 and 44...I was able to "run " to a meeting and share my situation at NA ,called my sponsor(ironically enough ,just finished my 4th step and we are readyto work 5th this week.( added even another chapter on "resentments ' toward my son that I love so dearly. Made my Naranon meeting last night which is really all about co-dependance.My son is looking to move out,may be back in an area not condusive to recovery but that will be his "work"As of now law has been laid ,no more abuse of his meds(paxil,lexapro,xanax and albuterol)while he is with us.I feel the peace of my God by getting honest(with some help) and addressing an issue I been lettin slide..'Just for today"I am diggin in even harder because as our text tells us"complacency can be the biggest enemy of those with substantial clean time"As a "compatriot parent with similar conditions I will also keep you in prayer as to maintain the "detachment with love " that we need to do as addicts and parents...peace.talk to you on the rebound!!
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hey mike, My situation is the reverse of your in a sense... My father is totally abusing prescribed pain meds and I have had to put HUGE distance between me and him... He says I have hurt him more then anyone ever could have because I took away my daughter (his 1st and only grandchild) To protect her from the CRAZINESS, difunction... I didn't quit using so that I could continue to be in the maddness!!! I need peace and serenity in my life and I'm sure you get that as well!! It's hard to put up boundries with the ones we love but you are doing the right thing!!! Keep your chin up and know that God is in control!!!!
Hey thanks Damaris! Talk about 'peace and serenity".,after so long in 'active addiction" and then double digits in "recovery. i am looking for my 'GOLDEN YEARS!! That may be an illusion from my childhod thoughts.I now realize i need to make "each day" my golden years. tHANKS FOR WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT, i NEED TO "LET GO ' MORE of whats inside me and then my God allows the help to continue comin...nice meeting you peace!!
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Complacency is so the root of all evil....my sponsor laughs all the time as she says this but I am aware that she means it w all her heart. God does everything for a reason, we dont have to know what it is or like it. That said, after as many years as u have maybe you needed a "jolt" .A situation that would drive you back into going to more meetings, work harder at step-work. Who are we to know? What we DO know is that if we have given him all of the power than all will be well. faith is a powerful thing. The scariest thing for me
Do the next right thing, have Faith and walk on.....Its so so simple but the hardest thing for an addict to accomplish!!
God Has Blessed me and it is not until I Get HONEST and off my PITY POT that I can ever see that. I truly and from the heart am sorry that you are having to go through such a difficult time with your son!I have 2 grown children myself, and my son is a source of many many conflicts within myself. I could not imagine having to deal with the tough love issue if he were an addict! Its hard enough to have tough love about him getting a job and carrying his weight around here. I am truly blessed (hence the Pity pot remark lol ) Letting go and Letting God is a phrase everyone knows but not everyone knows how to apply! You know how to apply it. With sincerity I say that if my son were an addict, I would be very afraid for own recovery because I have trouble seperating my intense love for him with doing the right thing! Just ask my new husband he will tell you! LMAO :)
Do the next right thing, have Faith and walk on my friend. I wish you peace and serenity through this hard time in your life. Just remember that he is an adult and responsible for his own actions. Im going to say one of those do the right thing not what I do things now....and dont let whatever happens in the future make you feel guilty. Put your Higher Power in charge and let it Go.
My paryer for your family Mike in this critical juncture is this=
May the pain that Mike felt in his addiction, and the joy of his recovery, be used to grant good Karma to his son ! And God Bless him into recovery like his father, what better example does he need ?
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
The reason it's called Tough Love is 'cuz it's so darn tuff to love someone enough to let them go. Your story is my story, with my daughter (except she was on even more psychotropics, if u can imagine). Horror story after horror story, heartbreak after heartbreak, incredible financial drain, horrid trauma (all the ICU near-death scenes), being played, hurting over her real pain, on and on, etc. etc.
Complacency is so the root of all evil....my sponsor laughs all the time as she says this but I am aware that she means it w all her heart. God does everything for a reason, we dont have to know what it is or like it. That said, after as many years as u have maybe you needed a "jolt" .A situation that would drive you back into going to more meetings, work harder at step-work. Who are we to know? What we DO know is that if we have given him all of the power than all will be well. faith is a powerful thing. The scariest thing for me 
I am truly blessed (hence the Pity pot remark lol ) Letting go and Letting God is a phrase everyone knows but not everyone knows how to apply! You know how to apply it. With sincerity I say that if my son were an addict, I would be very afraid for own recovery because I have trouble seperating my intense love for him with doing the right thing! Just ask my new husband he will tell you! LMAO :) 
