how could i mess up so bad for only being home a week. i dunno but it happened. my first week of school was rough. im stressed with all the work and not enough time in the day and to top it all off i got a ticket for driving with a suspended lisence. and now i have to go to court on the 9th. i will most likely be going to jail. why cant they just understand that im trying. im trying my hardest to adjust, to not use, to get to school and back, and as many meetings as i can. im struggling im trying to not get down on myself and just give up on the world but its not working.
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Hey Liz. This was written by Cheryl C. on another site. I think she does a really good job with it. Maybe it can help.
Quote of the Week
"Just because you're having a bad day doesn't mean you're having a bad life."
It's amazing the way my mind used to work. When things were good, it told me they wouldn't last. When things were bad, it told me they were going to get worse. When I was having a bad day, it told me every other day was going to be just as bad and that no matter how hard I tried, my life would end in failure.
When I entered recovery, the first thing I learned was that alcoholism was a disease of perception. I was told that what was happening in my head didn't always reflect what was happening in my life, and I was given tools to help me tell the difference. Gratitude lists helped me see the good as well as the bad; running my thinking by others helped me see past my insanity, and working with others always helped me feel better no matter what was going on.
It took a long time to develop a new perspective on my thinking, but by being willing to change and by working hard at it, I now know that most of what my mind tells me is a lie. To counter this today, when I wake up I turn my thoughts over to my Higher Power, and I let Him direct my thinking. If I'm having a bad day, I know I can start it over at anytime, and I do that by saying to myself, "Thy will, not mine be done." This always works.
Today I know that if I'm having a bad day, it doesn't mean I'm having a bad life. It just means it's time to turn it over.
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The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .
I've had plenty of weeks like that. I must have had my license suspended about 20 times and got popped for diving on it 3 or 4 times. 2 Dui's, 4 Reckless, 2 speeding to elude, 1 driving on the sidewalk down a one way street in the wrong direction (the judge was really pissed about that one ) , 4 or 5 times driving dirtbikes on the street with no license, no helmet, lights, turnsignals..., several times with no insurance. I must have paid $50,000 in fines and court costs, tickets, license reinstatement. It's a wonder that I didn't have my license revoked for life.
But on my current slant, 3 weeks ago I destroyed my hamstring and haven't been able to walk to well (or work). Last tuesday I left for NC with to go ot work on my house. I arrived with the flu and medication that made me feel worse. The first day there I stepped on a nail with the foot on my good leg and it went right into the bone. I spent the rest of the week hobbling (still hobbling) on both legs and coughing up green stuff with a 103 degree temperature while working 14 hour days putting up ceiling boards 25 feet in the air on a scoffolding holding on for dear life.
Here's some famous quotes on trouble. They usually make me feel better and get outside of myself.
I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. Mark Twain
"If you are going through hell, keep going." - Churchill
"Nothing lasts forever not even your troubles." Arnold H Glasgow
"If a man could have just half of his wishes, he would double his troubles." Benjamin Franklin
"If you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you."
Calvin Coolidge
"If you compared your troubles, or challenges, with those of others, you would surely find that there are those whose troubles make yours look like minor inconveniences". Catherine Pulsifer, from Cheer
"Troubles, like babies, grow larger by nursing". Lady Holland
"Better to lose count while naming your blessings than to lose your blessings to counting your troubles." Maltbie D. Babcock
Hang in there and keep on trying. It'll get better.
thanks but im broke. i have $16 to my name. thats it. so how am i supposed to pay for court costs etc. and anthony thanks for that. it was pretty great. and dean i hope you feel better soon. i just want this to pass right now. or maybe i can just go back to florida and forget it ever happened. haha
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Liz, I've been doing a lot of praying lately and it's the only thing that works. I really hope that you feel better. Don't sweat the legal stuff. It'll get resolved. You're going to make better decisions the longer you stay clean. I've got to chuckle because you are lot like me at your age. . I know that doesn't do you much good but everything happens for a reason. It's all life lessons and you are learning. You can get really pissed about it or you can just say "oh well, I guess I should've made a better choice, and I will next time". that's all I do. Getting pissed just takes all your energy away. The energy that we need to make good decisions and find solutions to our problems. That's all that life is a big rat maze and finding the solutions to the things that we face. When we get smarter, we seek out people that can guide us the right way, but we have to be willing to ask for help. All the help in the universe is just around the corner, but we have to ask. You don't know but you're surrounded by angels, spiritual guides, and your HP. It's why you're still alive. You're very special and you have gifts to give to others later. Hang in there and ask for help.
DI TO what Dean thanks for that thought Anthony and Liz you hang in there and turn that shit over to something more in power then yourself, we do not control the out come of things that others have the power over us with.
haha thanks vini. how can i just turn it over to my HP and just let it go? the only reason i get so angry over stuff is because i actually care and im trying so hard, if i wasnt trying then i wouldnt care and just blow it off. whatever we'll see what happens.
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Hey Liz! yup sometimes seems like we keep getting our heads stepped on no matter which way we go.'just dont use' and trust it will come around,think of the miracle, that you are even here talkin about it..legal things,money things work them selves out, try working on renewing your spirit and your trust in the God of your understanding.I wish you peace even when it looks like turmoil..I know for me my biggest enemy is the projection of the "now whats! When I get out of my way,be still and listen,things happen most none of which I have control over anyway..When you get knocked down,stand back up,,easy /no, doable absolutely ,not by your power but the power that got you here! enough ramblings peace!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Wow...it's such a miracle that so many of us have never killed anyone with our driving choices...and one of the worst tragedies is when we have killed someone with our driving choices. If my license is taken from me, for whatever reason, it means I am not fit to drive...spiritually, if not physically. Forgive yourself, pay the price, scrape your shoe, move on and thank god it's not all so much worse. We don't necessairily get a whole lot of "credit" for trying hard or caring or wanting. I used to think that because I suffered so much that should "count" for something, like I was owed a cosmic break. So of course when I didn't get the break or things just got worse, all I did was get madder. Great way to lose serenity and throw away sobreiety. Slippery slope, anger and self-pity. What we do get is another day clean and sober so we can begin to learn how to live. Maybe tell the judge you're sorry, by the way...sometimes that actually helps. Good luck.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
Lee I love reading your posts, you get down to the honesty. Thats what it will take in all of us to get, or remain clean....wherever we are in this program.
Everyone has really already said any thoughts that come to my mind. My sponsor said something to me way early in my recovery , very simple, yet applies to my life every day and I literally say it outloud to myself daily:
"DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING, PRAY, WORK YOUR PROGRAM AND ACCEPT (ACCEPT!!!) LIFE ON LIFES TERMS!"
sooooo simple I know but it has worked for me. We are all different. the next person may not have any impact from that at all....
) , 4 or 5 times driving dirtbikes on the street with no license, no helmet, lights, turnsignals..., several times with no insurance. I must have paid $50,000 in fines and court costs, tickets, license reinstatement. It's a wonder that I didn't have my license revoked for life.
