Am I willing to let go of obssession ?

Raman · Guru

Am I willing to let go of obssession ?

BigV · Senior Member

I hear you raman.

Yesterday driving back from the mountains from a job I started having a meeting with myself LOL yeah i do this from time to time probably the lack of sharing with others and NOT going to enough meetings.

So I started on step 1 with my anger issues, worked it through out loud to step 3, now I need to sit down and right a step 4 on it and share it with someone doing 5th.

I see my obsessions just as my drug addiction and can use the steps on them the same way I did with the drug thing because its all an addiction, addicted to OBSESSION and COMPULSIONS.

That's my solution for today me done share

-- Edited by BigV on Friday 21st of August 2009 09:46:18 AM

MIKEF · Guru

Hello my friend!
Yes my "new " mantra from the Step Working Guide" of NA.Step 6 working on Having God remove all our defects of character.Im also trying to work everything at once, stop my affairs of the mind,quite gambling,give up my resentments,learn to forgive,these are just things on top,,,,Iknow I have said this before here ,but for me Its gradual improvement and not immediate faultlessness!!I got so many areas to work on that it makes me even more crazy if I dont look for improvement in each area rather than "cold turkey"I find it to be helping me see the accomplishments which makes me work even harder..Find the area,work "improvement in it and smile to yourself for the advancement!! peace Raman hope all is well as can be ,Big things comin up for you,stay focused,we are praying for you. peace!!..mikef

Raman · Guru

Thanks for the pointers Vin,,
Thanks for the guidance and prayers Mike,,

Raman · Guru

The obsession is not even remotely connected with wanting to use drugs or wilful behaviour.
It is more a matter of me trying to figure out what I am ging to do, how am I going to do it and such like stuff.
And when that tempo builds up, things get erratic and I am dispossesed of Goodness.

Tisa2U · Senior Member

I've got an idea, Raman... lets trade... you can obsess over my financial situation, my upcoming blind date, my son, and all the rest... and I'll obsess over what you need to do!

Aw... c'mon! Can I get an okey-doke here???

LOL!!!

Raman · Guru

Ha, ha Tisa,, that is a fab suggestion, yea, well, okey-dokey !

I rather have your voice speaking in my head than my own,
and maybe your analysis of thngs will be much better than my often tired thinking,,

Raman · Guru

Well Tisa,, in my analysis, a cute, attractive woman like you has nothing to worry bout, so the blind date should be fun, just wait for the moment and deal with the emergent situations.

Hows your son doing ? More good or bad habits ? If the latter, then a mom has something to worry about, I know from my own mom's experience with me.

Well as for the financials, what better idea than to buy a jackpot lottery ticket ?
if it wins you a million bucks then all is solved, else good old hard work and all !

What do you think of my expert analysis ?

Tisa2U · Senior Member

Well... the voices in my head tend to scare me... maybe they'ld be better behaved inside your head??? Especially that one that keeps screaming all the time... ~shudder~

Raman! Are you flirting with me? Such sweet flattery! There are, however, other variables in this situation, aside from my debatable cuteness.

This blind date is supposed to be my escort to my Sponsors wedding... not exactly good 1st date material there.

Then there's the fact that my ex is going to be there... this might be a lot more insanity than I truly need!

My son has labels like ADHD & Asbergers... he is the new kid at a school for kids with behavioral disorders... and there are bullies there, too...

The lottery idea sounds great, though!

My analysis of your situation is this : go... make music... be happy... make other people happy with your music... if it doesn't work out you could always come to Nowheresville, Illinois to visit us! LOL!

Raman · Guru

Hi Tisa, I mean it, you are cut as in cute, what a smile you have !
And thanks for the analysis.Sure am waiting to play my music all out once the breath comes back.
I also appreciate your situation better from the information you have shared, and I cannot help thinking
"Well, she certainly is living life on lifes terms".

And ha, ha, yes I sure may tap on your front door one day !! I am basically a wanderer and never know which way Im going next,,, just please dont slam the door shut on the vagabond looking, dark skinned old guy peering at you with a smile !

Thanks for your primary input, it seems to be the most natural and practical thing to do !

And here is what Im agonizing about these past few days. Without wanting to infringe on your leisure, do you think you can read this through and share what you think ?

The offer in Scotland to be the events and meetings manager for ISKON and also play music for them at that time seemed great; seemed like my prayers got answered.
There was free food and accomodation and a bit of money, the fantastic climate, the healthy and and natural living, plus the monks are caring folks that would most probably be an asset in the treatment.
Ive already said a few goodbyes, Ive discussed this with my 13 year old daughter back in India and was ready to make the move.

And then the setbacks begin.

The first is related to requirements by the university to approve my placement.
They need health and safety, equeal opportunities employer and company liablity documents, and Rob, the Temple Priest, has not given the University those documents yet.
I was supposed to do an event for them from Friday last week and the assignment would have lasted upto the 30th of August. The occassion is Beatles week from 24th Monday to 30th Sunday August and i was supposed to be there in Liverpool and put things together. The Geroge Harrison dedication was supposed to be a highlight ! I was really eager to go out there and help but baulked at the setback with the documents.

Then on Thursday, I get the second setback. I get a call from the hospital. They want me to make an emergency appointment form Tuesday this week. Seems the heamoglobin levels in my blood have fallen below tolerance levels. So I had to cancel the trip till Tuesday.
I was however able to do some service for them by contacting the President of the Liverpool Press Club and using his good offices to advertise the Hare Krishna event on all the newspapers, radio, TV and BBC channels.
Now the whole moving thing hinges on what advice they have for me in the hospital.

In the meanwhile, these feelings of tiredness and slepless ights, as well as the fact that ISKOn have not responded appropriate documents has complicated things.

Money was a concern. Ive spent a lot on my studies this last year and did not want to work so that I could give academics my best shot. So Im almost zero balance. But the bright part is that as Christmas approaches, jobs at the malls and events places here in Sheffield could be available, thereby the money problem could come to an end.

So the main concern has been whether to move on or not. Il be going to Liverpool on Wednesday anyway and help organize things and involve myself in the fun of Beatles week. Theres also great NA meetings there so I may do one each day too.

Immediately after that will be the day of reckoning; they want me to drive the caravan, come to Sheffield, take in all my stuff and go to Scotland.
But im held down by fears, both rational and not.
If I move there, I have free food and accomodation and chance to work in my field and live in beautiful Scotland, a dream for long. And some money will also come in.
But that is blocked not only by health and university placement requirements not beingmet by them, but also that I have to visit my daughter in India for at least a month during Christmas/ New Year. Our new apartment is coming up and I have to assist her and my old mother move in. So that will be a one month break in commitment and will they like that ?

Staying on in Sheffield will mean expenses, but I may find a job. Then there is the NA community here who have got real close with me in the one year Ive lived here. That includes three sponsees, many concerned friends as well as commitment to service as the Regional Committee Member. T
Then there is the network I have for the Hep.c. treatment. There is first of all the hospital and the fabulous specialists nurses. Then there is the hep.c. support group i attend once a fortnight and the very clever social worker there who has been very helpful.
Then there is the proximity to the University and the guidance I can get from personal visits to my tutors. Fact is i still have to hand in my dissertation and for that I cannot be isolated from them. Personal face to face meeti8ngs with my tutors has been the cornerstone of my success in academics so far and will not want to baulk at this final stretch. In consideration of my health conditions, especially the brain fog brought on by the medications, the university has granted me an extension to hand in my work, so i want to be close to here so I dont forget priorities. The social worker seemed to think that I need to finish off this first, lest i forget priorities.
So, I have to let all that go if I move to Scotland.

I believe the key lies in developments and discussion later this week with the Hare Krishna monks in Liverpool; I have to be real straightforward, lest problems dont come up later.
This is where I am reminded that the thereupatic value of one addict helping another is without parallel, and I believe you, Tisa, may have some valuable insight for me.

What do you think ?

Tisa2U · Senior Member

My, my, my! That is a pretty problem, isnt it?

OK, I don't know how your HP works, but the God of my understanding often puts obstacles in my path for a reason. The reason may be that my intentions might not be what my HP wants for me, it might be that it is not time yet, it might be that I have something to learn or some task my HP wants me to complete before allowing me to proceed with a particular action. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

Is it safe to assume that you have used the standard NA suggestions when faced with a dillemna? Prayed? Wrote about it, using pro-con lists or another format? Talked to Sponsor? Shared in meetings? Meditated? Turned it over? Flipped a coin to decide? (JUST KIDDING!!!)
Obviously you are seeking help from other addicts, and that is very good.

This is what my first thoughts were... the physical health stuff must take priority over almost everything else. Until you have more information in this area, you cannot make a decision.

Priorities are important... recovery and health supercede pretty much anything else.

I would also suggest that you contact the Temple Priest, Rob, and discuss the problems with the paperwork.

So, what exactly is the deadline before not being able to decide becomes a moot point and the window of opportunity closes?

As far as your recovery n hep C support network, you can build new support networks and stay in touch with the old ones, as long as you are willing to do the footwork.

Just so you know, I have a perfectly comfortable couch and several air matresses, should you magically appear on my doorstep! You, also have a lovely smile... and very kind eyes.

I don't know if any of this is useful, but its a bit of food for thought, anyways.

Wind To Thy Wings!
Tisa

Raman · Guru

Thanks Tisa, both for the suggestions and the invitation to your home.
Hope one day Il be able to visit the US, and yes, meet you in person.

For the past three days, I havent been able to get into the Forum, I wonder why !

Yes, the university requirements are that I begin my placement on 1st of September, otherwise the oportunity is lost forever.
I can always get those part time jobs and get in some money, but there,d be nothing better
than a job that relates to my masters degree, events and conference management.

I have to admit that sometimes, no matter what Steps I work or what imput I get from professionals and NA's and y daughter, life seems to be just that one step ahead.

All the same, Im not allowing anything to get in the way of my enjoyment of Beatles week.
Im in Liverpool for that reason, will get to meetings and do all the organizing I can for the Hare Krishna folks, and in the meanwhile if they are not able to provide the documentation,Ill simply have to let go, and like youre saying LET GO AND LET GOD OF MY UNDERSTANDING SORT THESE THINGS OUT !
Once again, thanks for your input , hope you son is overcoming the trauma.

Raman · Guru

Went to Liverpool, stayed with em for 4 days, had a good experience with doing some service and then the icing on the cake on Sunday was the concert, great show, good vibes all around.
Im back in Shefield now and waiting for things to emerge from the ground of reality !

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