Hello Tisa,

I've been married to a "normie" for 12 years now (16 year relationship) and enjoy every minute of it.
I know that it's very easy and comfortable to date only program people but you're fishing in a polluted stream
. I got a lot of help with dating and relationships from Codependents anonymous. Also took a seminar taught by Claudia Black herself called "Relationships in Recovery" I still have the course materials.
Highlights were "The 5 level of intimacy"- Acquaintance, Companion, Friend, Lover, Committed Love and how codependents like to move from Acquaintance to Committed Love over a weekend.

Here's video (if it works) of Claudia Black and Terri Gorski (author of Staying sober) opening remarks from a seminar. http://claudiablack.com/toD_products/video.php/6.html




-- Edited by DeanC on Thursday 20th of August 2009 10:02:43 PM

Ive never had an intimate relationship with a recovering person. Two times in recovery it nearly happened but did not. 

All my intimacy has been with normal folks, and I think I did get more space in my life because of that. It helps me to move with normal folks. 
I planned tose dates with the question
"what do I want to do on this date ?"
The one thing with normal people dates is that they usually want to drink, so how does that affect me ?
I need to identify comfort levels, so that I enjoy those moments.

That said, Ive been discovering that I have an aversion to think too far ahead into the future and have been most comfortable living on a daily basis.
The last one ended 8 months ago; too much of impulsive thinking and compulsive action in that,  though the ups and downs were exiting for a change, it certainly was not a good ground for serious intimacy and feelings of closeness.
 
Later in my inventory, I tried to honestly look at my part in resentments as well as how what was done to me affected my thoughts and feelings on her and our closeness.

Today I believe that that was valid in that phase of my recovery, and now I have more theory about what to look for in intimacy so that the relatiionship develops into a meaningful and secure one according to my sensiblities. 

And in the meanwhile, Im enjoying being single, and have no feelings of inadequeacy about it whatsoever !
Just free to be me !

-- Edited by Raman on Friday 21st of August 2009 06:55:52 AM

Hey Tisa2u!

Ialso have been married to my wife for 25 years now(third marriage)We used together early on but she didnt have the (allergy to the drug)She could stop whenever,didnt know how she did it but it always amazed me.I dont know if i would consider her a normie but she iis definitely a non addict.She is also about 14 years younger than I am so every now and then I see some differences.When I surrendered and chose"life" part of my thought patterns were also I wanted her,She said she was leaving me if I kept dealing and drugging and  of course I didnt believe her.She set a date and when it came she packed her bags.It was about 2 months later that I came to at a farm I was staying at,sat up and said 'IM DONE'. I Have nothing left.(and never looked back by the grace of God).I believe because she knows what its like to use she has a better understanding of my addiction and my recovery process it has helped me in  working my program.We met in a bar in a blind encounter(sure you know that feeling)I do believe she was "sent' for me..Its nice to get to know you.I know its hard to let your heart out there when you"ve had it stepped on but step out in faith,continue working your program and hopefully "all will be well" peace mikef

OK... I'm feelin' froggy! I appreciate all the ESH and the suggestions. Actually I went to get my hair cut n got set up on a blind date for next week-end... ACK!

so is this the phto with the new cut?
Well,,,,cute to say the least !! Ahem !

Thanks! Yup, thats the new do... love a do that I don't have to fuss with! LOL!

I'm scared to death! I've NEVER been on a blind date!!!

Sounds like good suggestions to me...