hey everyone.... i don't often post but I definitly read most post. I often hear something I'm going through or at least feel not alone in my struggles. I have been struggling the past little while with mental health, and I am happy to say that I am working towards the solution. I've started to work with my psychiatrist again and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. A very disconcerning thing is that I am pulling away from NA. I look at it this way...... When I came into recovery I was one street, it was only me.... than I started to built a community and I finially got to a city. Every street representing an individual in my life. Lately I've found that some streets are not what they appeared or some just disappeared. I've picked up my road and moved to a more rural community with only a few streets.... my resentments are starting pile...the more resentful I get the less I want to go to meetings.... the more two faced activities I see even less I want to be a part of.... This is very conflicting in my head... NA gave me a life I've always dreamed of..... I don't want to leave.... but standing alone in a room of my peers is getting tough.... I stand up for what I believe and I don't allow people to run me over........again I am going to keep up my meetings regardless on how I feel... and at least my relationship with my sponsor is a work in progress...we've been struggling the past few months , and just finially reconized the elephant in the room......
anyways that was a ramble but it felt good just to write it out..... I've very gratitful that this message board is here........
thanks
andrea
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
Hi Drugfree! MikeF here,glad to meet you..Without a whole life breakdown let me share this with you.When i got clean in 1984 I only went to program sporadically and when my sponsor died about a year after I got him(old man around 70 something)I stopped going,walked on thru faith in my higher power and thought i was getting it.Almost 2 years ago I showed back up in the rooms again right after my 24 yr. old son was put in jail for heroin use(institutions ,od's ,Robberys ,all the things we do),I sat around for about 4 months not making a peep.listening to things made my eyes roll.Was wondering what the heck Im doing back here.Finally grabbed a sponsor ,and starting doing step work,still make coffee at one of my 2 home groups and have really gotten involved again and finding myself "improving" in the other areas of my life that even after putting down the drugs were still devastating me(and those around me,I AM LEARNING MORE DISCERNMENT AND DISCRETION THAN i HAD BEFORE (LIKE WHEN I feel like saying"shut up ,not that story again!!)I also am taking what I need and definitely leaving the rest.Ishare from my heart when I need to but listen a lot more.I definitely focus in on the identification of the disease and not the comparison(because some "war stories" dont seem real,but not for me to judge)Nice to have you here,keep comin back and let us know how you are doing..one other thing my sponsor is like"so slow getting around to things" etc and I am hyper-in -the diaper,so we definitely have to work together.I know im not graduating though and there is no rush,so together we have formed a good relationship!! Hope to hear back peace mikef
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
thanks mike for some much needed suggestions....I'm definitly concentrating on comparing the disease than focusing on our simularities..... I guess I need to pray to find the strength to block the personalities and concentrate on the principals... thanks
Andrea
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
hey i just wanted to mention something that was a sign from my hp
so I posted this topic today, and then I went to a women's meeting...... how interesting it is that everyone was sharing along simillar lines as my issues. I got more than I ever expected out of that meeting.... maybe it was the different mind frame I went into the meeting with... or maybe it was my higher power showing me that yes I still belong...and no I'm not odd for thinking this way... just thought i'd share
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
Hi, Andrea! I live in a small town, only 1 NA meeting a week. Its a tiny group and I've butted heads with more than one person there. (Obviously it was all their fault, I couldn't possibly have any part in that, right? Right? Um... no...) IMO, I think its harder to put principles before personalities when theres no way to get recovery without seeing the same ppl over n over. Its strange, but the one person that I've had more trouble with than anyone else, also happens to be the one that has saved my butt more than any other. Go figure. Take what you need, leave the rest...
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I may not be 'All That', but I'm always on my mind!
Morning Andrea! It is amazing how many times "whats on my mind" becomes the topic of one of my meetings(especially in my Men Do Recover homegroup)no holds barred there where MENS issues are the topic,It gets wonderfully ,sometimes brutally honest up in there..I know that is my God working through messengers to help me(and them)...GLAD YOU GOT A "PERK UP" WE CAN ALL USE THEM. Have a blessed and productive day mike
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hi Andrea, I understand everything you shared. I have been ther many times in my recovery with the personalities at meetings. I have found that switching up mu meetings helped even if it involved long road trips. There have been many days where I traveled to different states to make meetings. I found my head can't be judgemental as easy if I don't know who the people are at the meeting I'm at. I am currently struggling with my area but have decided it is time for me ot be the change my area needs. It's not easy. I also have had some "elephants" with my sonsor. It became a huge resentment at one point. Recently we sat together over coffee and talked it out. Talking about our feelings is something bothe of us suck at. It actua;;y brought us closer together. Realationships with other addicts can be difficult but the benefits far out weigh the negatives of them. I have found that no matter what I am going through the solutions usually can be found at a meeting if I'm there to hear it. Hugs, Jackie
