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NA Message Board -> Narcotics Anonymous Message Board -> Crack husband wants money !!!
Post Info TOPIC: Crack husband wants money !!!
DeltaRedd1984


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Crack husband wants money !!!
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cry.gif
disbelief

Last week my husband broke into his place of employment and stole money out of the store's safe. His parents paid the owner off so that the owner would not press charges. Fearing the worst, my husband checked himself into a treatment facility. Once he realized that the owner did not press charges, he checked himself out. The counselor contacted me and I went to the facility to talk to the man I once referred to as husband. The A&D counselor felt that my husband needed long term treatment and so did I as usual, he refused to listen. After detoxing, he was released on Thursday and bought crack on Saturday. The following Friday, August 15, my husband called me demanding his half of our assets.He wants me to buy him out of our home and pay him for his share of all property obtained while we were married.

This man will never hit rock bottom.His parents are enabling him right to his grave. He is homeless, jobless and friendless and claims not to have any problems.The problem is never about him, it is about those around him.

 

In December, I will drop him from my health insurance.This marriage has cost me dearly emotional, physical, spiritual and financial.

 

Next year, I will be seeking a divorce based on fault. I intend to claim that my husband's drug addiction is at fault for the failure of our marriage. The crack man has all of our lawn equipment, TV's, game systems, jewelry, ladders, pressure washing equipment -- you name it and my husband sole/pawned it. My husband sold everything that was not nailed down. Whatever is left, I intend to keep it, including our home. I earned this just by putting up with the insanity of his drugs and the chaos it has caused in my life.

 

Question: Do anyone know what my chances are in court?I would like to keep the home and the remaining furniture.The mortgage is in both our names but I had my husband to deed his share of our home over to me after he started running into financial and legal problems. ashamed



-- Edited by DeltaRedd1984 on Monday 17th of August 2009 02:03:11 PM

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MIKEF


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Hey Delta!
I know things look bleak now but keep the faith.I would suggest you try and get some legal advice(i know thats what you are asking about here) but see if there is like "legal aid " or something like that around you can just ask questions.I have a brother who is a lawyer in chicago(im in new york) i'll see what he knows and any suggestions he may have...Laws are different in ddifferent states.Not much help but i will keep you in my prayers for your peace and serenity.There may be someone here that has some more experience in matters of this sort legally.Emotionally its a pip! peace mikefblankstare

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DeltaRedd1984


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Thank you. I am not able to do anything right now because I am flat broke. Once my daughter (not by this husband) and husband come off of my medical insurance in January, my paycheck -- net will increase about $1200 per month.

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AnthonyG


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Do you have parents you can get a loan from ?  Around here consults cost about 100 bucks. You need to jump on that ASAP .

In the meantime theres some free help available . CoDependants Anonymous . You can research that on line.  You are suffering a sickness much like your husbands. Youve been living with an addiction to an addicted . Nasty stuff.  

Sounds like youre in the solution now and know what you need to do.  Its really important to get the proper legal advise right away.

Remember the words of General George S Patton

"  A good plan executed violently today is better than a perfect plan tommorrow."

-- Edited by AnthonyG on Monday 17th of August 2009 04:18:14 PM

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DeanC


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tell his parents that they are killing their son through enabling. this is not the place to look for legal advise.
I don't know what state that you live in, but there is probably some free legal advise available from attorney's in your state.

I wouldn't count on your husband signing over the deed to stick in divorce court. Most states split everything down the middle regardless of who's name it's in. It's assumed to be joint property, unless perhaps you acquired it before the marriage.

It might be beneficial if he somehow goes to jail shortly before you file for divorce biggrin.  That's not a very spiritual approach but it might help him reach his bottom and sway the court in your favor so far as the house is concerned.

One thing that you haven't mentioned at all here is your problem with choosing this man for a husband.  And the subsequent mental issues arising out of being in a relationship to him.  Only Codependents choose addicts for relationships and stay with them long after all the red flags are up in the air.  A "normal" person wouldn't give an addict a second glance, let alone fall for one.  If you don't get some help for yourself, you'll surely pick another addict, and I'll bet that this isn't your first addict or alcoholic.
And chances are that one of the influential male figures up your family tree (like your father)  is an addict of some sort (alcoholic, work-aholic, gambler, or sex addict...)

The book "On the Family" by John Bradshaw talks in great detail about the dynamics of multi=generational family dysfuction and the roles that the members of the family play and the ongoing passing of the dysfunction (how's your daughter doing?) to the next generation.


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DeltaRedd1984


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DeanC,

You are correct. I am receiving counseling and I am currently attending Al-Anon and open AA/NA meetings. My father was an Alcoholic and my brother a recovering drug addict. I am currently working the 12 steps because I never want to repeat this experience again. I am 47 years old and my husband has been an addict for 30 years and seems to like this life style. I intend to make good choices when it comes to relationships and never end up with an addict again.

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DeanC


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Awesome! please, please, please start reading (or listening to books on tape) John Bradshaw (43 years clean and sober) books beginning with "On the Family" and "Healing the shame that binds you". You will get a lot further quicker in your recovery, trust me on this one. smile.gif

Dean

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DeltaRedd1984


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My daughter received her BS in May of this year from the University of New Orleans.  I will look on amazon for John Bradshaw's books and tapes as you suggested.

Thanks for your post.

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DeanC


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One more thing, I've attended both Al-anon and Codependents anonymous meetings and imo the Coda program is head and shoulders above Al-anon. If you live in or near a metro area, you should have some good Coda meetings in your area. Here's a link to find meetings and learn more about Coda. Also check out (read) "Codependent no more" by Melodie Beaty. It's kind of a prerequisite reader for Coda.

http://www.codependents.org/

Dean

-- Edited by DeanC on Monday 17th of August 2009 04:56:43 PM

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DeanC


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congrats about your daughter! my son is struggling to finish at the University of Central FL. Great kid, a little distracted. smile.gif

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LeeU


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Lee's Tough Love Two Cents...get the store owner to press charges anyway. Maybe that "bottom" can be raised for hubby and the 'rents can get a clue when they see that their money didn't really buy protection.

Ignore his threats and demands, no matter how intense they get or how much he baits you that he will prevail in court. If you respond you are just fueling his fire.

Ultimately, if he does prevail, legally, there's nothing to do but scrape it off your shoe and move on. And don't look back, other than the degree to which is needed to work the 12 steps for your own self...your powerlessness, your unmanagability, your sanity, your turning over of your will and life to the care of the god of your understanding.

Move heaven and earth to locate a lawyer who makes it clear that he or she is on your side. (My divorce lawyer was going through a divorce of his own and, guess what, I got scr..ed. Later, when I got a Legal Aid lawyer to get my daughter's child support that had never been paid, I found how just how badly I was (not) represented. Do your homework. Save your pennies and pay enough to at least get info on the essentials.

Forgive me for being directive...been there, done that...just felt like cutting to the chase!

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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
Keli_A


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I say that you can replace things. You can't replace a broken spirit. You can't replace your life. I saw, cut your losses. Get out now. Why wait. You are just going to get sucked in deeper. When I was active in my addiction, I would sell my body, your body, my own mothers body to get crack. You need to understand. Its never about you. Its always about the addiction. If you want to be taken for a ride than, that's your choice, but my advice is to run like hell.

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salvagable


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Damm sweetie I feel for you , sure sounds like your soon to be ex has gone off the deep end, and his parents don't have a clue on how to deal with his problem besides enableing him, you can educate your self by contacting lawyers on line , try it and get a feel for them, a good lawyer might explain your options on line, a greedy one will press you to come in for a paid consultation, any ways be careful hang in there, we know and understand your in the eye of the storm right now but you'll make it thru , I'll pray for you keep us posted....

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AnthonyG


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probably couldnt get Deans suggestion much cheaper than this. I picked one up for 1 cent plus 4 bucks postage.

http://cgi.ebay.com/Bradshaw-on-the-Family-by-John-E-Bradshaw-198smile.gifa_W0QQitemZ370244612314QQcmdZViewItemQQptZUS_Nonfiction_Book?hash=item56344c70da&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14


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The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .

                         Yasutani Roshi
Tisa2U


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((((((((((Delta))))))))))

I agree with everything everybody said so far. I have no legal advice, but I do identify completely with your situation. Al-Anon, Co-Dependants Anonymous, Family Anonymous... they are all wonderful places to find some healing. I'm also very happy to hear that you are in counselling. You can't help him or change him, but you can pray for him, and you can take care of yourself.

As a woman who chose the same sick, twisted types of relationships over and over for most of my life, I can tell you that there is hope. As somebody else said, things are just things, but rebuilding a shattered spirit is another story. I've lost nearly everything I own twice, and that hurts, but the loss of self that occurs in such relationships is far worse.

You are doing a great deal to change your painful situation, and I believe that you are on the right track. Keep hope alive. Take care of you.

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