Once the compulsion to use was taken away through grace my disease began talking in other ways.  One way is the compulsion to drive way to fast. Another is the compulsion to purchase things I dont really need.

Payday is a trigger. Thank HP the trigger is not to buy dope . But the trigger to hit the stores or worse for me E-bay .  This is a problem that takes just as much vigilance as the dope itself . 

Working the steps in EVERY area is something that Ive found takes a frustratingly huge amount of work.

I imagine , hope or ( careful here) Expect , that as time goes by things will come more naturally and that my mind will stay in solutions more readily . Till then I see the problem and address it as it comes. Take it easy comes to mind .

The power of prayer has shown itself in this area.  I very much wanted a new putter. I compulsed over it. It obsessed my thoughts. I scoured E-bay. I looked in every store I went to. I thought constantly of it.  The Odyssey white hot blade. I had to have it. It certainly wasent in the budget and owners of them that were selling were still in love with them.  Finally I had to let it go. Then a golfer I had  just met in the program and I went to a convention fund raiser.  There was a T-shirt he really wanted and had bid on. I kept sneaking in and driving the bid up behind his back.  I won the auction and then gave him the shirt. All for a good cause.

Without ever saying anything about my dream putter to him he showed up at my house to get me for an out of town meeting.  Because of the T-shirt thing he wanted to give me something. He presented to me a near new putter EXACTLY like the one I had been wanting . 

The old me says thats a coincidence , The new me says............Thanks God.

-- Edited by AnthonyG on Friday 31st of July 2009 01:56:54 PM

  Yeah, the old "It works if you work it." I don't remember when, but at some point in my clean time I began to actually practice these principles (all 12 steps, exactly "as is") in all my affairs. Especially my brutal relationship with money, debt, and bad decisions. I keep one card for emergency use only, live on a written budget, and am very blessed to be free now of the impulse-must have-must spend-compulsions and obsessions.

Just this morning I was looking a beautiful drawing I did in oil crayon, which looks like a painting-anyway, the scene was a view from my parent's house, of a field and a mountain in the distance. When they died, my sister and I each got a house. All I have left of mine is that picture on my wall. And that's enough.

A few months ago I received a shocking notice that I still owe $10,000 in student loans that I swear on my sobriety I thought I'd paid off 3 years ago. They'll drop the interest & fees for the 3 years because they didn't send me any notices, but still!!! My odds of paying it off before I croak ain't that good LOL.

But ya know what? Other than that I am debt free, content, have what I need, and always get what I need when God sees fit. I think it has something to do with practicing these principles in all my affairs. Practice, practice, practice.

Oh Mikef, Love Supreme, thanks dear friend !!!! 
Seems John played soprano on Favourite Things because because Miles had given him a nce Selmer as a gft sometime before that !
What a trend John set for generations to follow.
If ever Im lucky enough to visit America, after pilgrimage of WSO and then NA groups accross the country,  and tryng to meet few you,the next thing is to visit the  Temple of St. John of Coltrane, wherever that maybe.
In fact, Ims seriously comsidering a three month jazz teachers course in any Uni. in the US,,,,
hmm,,daydreaing again.

Yes Anthony, I relly need to share about the credit card stuff with my sponsor. The thing is I learnt this behaviour from my compulsive debtor grandma when I was a kid and then tee.
Now my grandma is a happy citizen of the greatest democracy of the world, the US while me, a f!"£$%^ bozo and addict and struggling to live life on life's terms.
Thanks for sharing the putter episode,, great stuff.
In my case, I was really obssessede with billiards where both assets and defects came to the fore. 10 years of playing that game in recovery has left me with a dozen trophies including a few winners, and a host of friends. But the downside was that I could have gone on to greater things except that I let greed and anger efect my reputation. I havent been playing some time now, but that game me lots of real lessons. The victories were exuberant and exhilirating while losing in the finals because of anxiety or silly mistakes left me mad and seething for days. My girlfriend of that tiem encouraged me to leave the game alone for sometime, and my life has changed ever since.
I wish you the best with your golf. A sponsee of  mine in the old hometown has taken the game seriously and is up few notches all the while; whew, what we addicts can do when we set our minds to it !!!!

-- Edited by Raman on Sunday 2nd of August 2009 04:50:58 PM

Hey Raman!
 dont know if I told you ,i think i responded to dean thinkin he was the  pool player.Real quick.my gramps owned a poolroon in upstate new york ,on weekends he would let me clean tables and then i was allowed to play(back in days of ivory balls,drop pockets etc)Iwas around 10,11 or 12??anyway after being beat all the time I got good,earned money as a teen playing 6 ball,9 ball and straight pool.then game called odd ball came around(got paid for making ways(low bals 1 GROUP,HIGH BALLS OTHER GROUP .PAID ON THE AMOUNT OF WAYS.($1.00 A WAY ETC)always had a pocket full of money ,easy come easy go.left new york for service(1965-1970)played 9 ball with luther"wimpy "lassiter in norfolk virginia,went to baltimore played 1 pocket (got killed tough game) Joe Balsis was straight pool champ.also started playing snooker overseas and 5by 10 tables.right before I left navy in 1970 lost all my cash in a game,had to wait three weeks for mustering out pay was nothing unusual...(buddy left me  a$20.00 attached to my locker"hey mike figured you might need this" never saw him again!!anyway after got out drugs and alcohol took their toll.never got it back.still watch all players here and on tv though.kind a like drugs high when your winning ,depressed and manic when your losing(dont you know)loved paul newman in original "hustler and then ' COLOR OF MONEY,ACTUALLY READ THE BOOK,THE ORIGINAL.WAS A TRIP ,CHERISH YOUR TROPHIES REMEMBER THE GOOD PARTS..hope your doin well cant remember if i told you this or not.1967 just finished paying off my first cue( a beautiful PARADISE.LINEn WRAP bout $200.00 WAS A LOT BACK THEN BEFORE BALABUSHKAS..Was hiking over chesapeak bay bridge heading to new york on a 48 hour weekend.left in back of guys car  that picked me up,when i got out ,never saw it again.Loved that cue!!anyway more of those days of glory(short lived)remember the good times and cherish the memories.. i'll talk to you on the rebound hope all goin well peace

Yes Mikef, I also got a lot from your share on the credit card, thanks for that too.

Hi Rocky, welcome back.
Nice to get your experience and hope.
Im really whacked out on this cards thing.
The outstanding thing is my belief that it simplifies things.
However it can complicate things too. I have an issue with one card for about 100 dollars.
Im refusing to pay any more instalments and am taking them to court. I have not recieved a single statement from hem in two years now. I have been accepting andtolerating it but no more. I am being swindled so I am goping to stop them short.
Who knows ? I maybe onto a "shibboleth shattering" experience and may also muster other such victims and together we'll take that card-bank apart and expose them for the charlatans that they are, heh heh !
Im raring to go, let's go get those mothers !!!
And in the meanwhile Ill have to cope with the repayments o these other cards, just fpr today and one payment at a time.