Monday. I am panicking about the approaching hand in date for my dissertation, hardly a month away. Seems Ive taken my foot oft the pedal and need to get back into the act. I do a concentration exercise and begin. I am transcribing the interviews that i conducted. later Ill need to note the themes and concepts that emerge. Also feeling low and depressed and hope this will go away quick. I also get a text from the landlord saying Ill need to vacate as the contract is over. I text back about staying on and they say it is ok but Ill have to take another room. I get stressed because my room is full of clutter and I dread the moving out, so much work to do. I reach the hospital in time for my appointment with the specialist nurse. When she asks me about my reactions to the medications, I try and be honest with her about the feelings of depression.However,the problem is that feelings cannot be quantified, measured or put in figures so I can say that is how much I am depressed. So what I do is try and note how long that feeling stays and share that with her. She gives me a patient ear. I then go shoppin for some watcyh tools I need and dont find it there and i get angry. I then get a hot chocolate and the smile form the assistant sets me right. I call my daughter back home in India and she and I chat . Sometimes I just feel like crying my heart out to my girl, but that would be upsetting for her. I go to an NA meeting and am greatful for the laughter and shares .Im also glad,to have met another recovering addict who is back at university, the same university as I. Later on the bus ride back home, my sponsee and I share a lot that I had not shared with him for a month. Tuesday I open the student portal and am delighted to find that I have done well in my assignments At the start of this course, Id talked with a woman who had scored really high and I wanted to do that too. By the Grace of God and the 12 Steps of NA that dream has come true. However I am unable to understand why another side is acting weird, like in too cool a manner to be apropriate. and this reminds me of the lines in the Text "Something in our destructive personality cries out for destruction". Im going to have to be real careful that the addict in me dosent run my life and waste all the hard work and dedicated hours of effort. I try and get the landlord to seemy point of view, but I know that this is going to be futile effort. I head for the home group meeting and find some good sharings and fellowship. I then walk on back home, a long, straight, uphill road. Home, dinner, and the hep.c shot. I brace myself for the violence it brings on. Wednesday A very hallicunatory experience in sleep. All sorts of strange images and thoughts, where do these things come from ? I spend time doing the assignment, confer with my tutor and get feedback. In my dealings with my tutor, I keep note whether I am tryng to get him to understand how I am feeling. Empathy can only come from other NA members, but these tutors are wonderful in who they are and what they have done for me in academics is incredible. Thank God for them. Quite a fuzzy day in all. Set off in the evening for a prayer meeting (Hare Krishna) and then spend time with a sponsee over a cup of tea. Thursday Cant seem to convince the landlord so I think Il have to move out anyways. Stressful. Anyways, I try and divert my mind with nthe assignments. Another source of worry has been the lack of responses from my sponsor. Where is he and why has he not responded after about four emails from me ? I plod along with the assignment work and then close it all up at 5.30. I go down to the train station and head for the NA meeting 22 miles away. On the way I do some more academic reading and am reminded that the results that I show in the end of my dissertation will go a long way in getting me more marks; My dream is to get a distinction overall. NA has taught ne that the results will be exactly like the efforts; no more, no less. My sponsee is the main share at this meeting and there are 4 men and 4 women in the meeting. there is also a carer in this meeting, an attracive, qualified and responsible looking woman. I cant help sneaing glances at her and wondering what sort of person she is. Then after my sponsees share, we have a break and back to sharing. The norm here in UK is to comment upon the main share and discuss any feelings. When it came to my turn, I just shared that I'd identified some feelings that were related to family issues. The meeting then closed and I had a chance to chat p that woman and the recovering addict about the possiblity of the addict attending conventions. I regret not taking her number, Id love to go on a date with this woman bit wasnt sure whether asking fr her phne number was appropriate or not. Anyways, Im happy for those few moments we shared. As my sponsee and I walk to the train station, I get to discuss the anxiety of the home shifing with him. We split as he gets off at his station.Im bushed by the time I reach mine, theres till the hard walk uphill. As i walk along , i see a student accomodation notice and take the number. Then further down the road, i see this beautiful old English mansio and think "What a nice place that would be to live in". I take the phone number. Home, dinner, sleep, with the dark background of the house shifting interfering with my ease. Friday I call the acomodation and then go and visit it. I take it. The chap that owns it seems like a nice guy and the rent seems ok. My main hope is the work Il get after this which will give me a bit of financial security. Then as we sign the contract, this 47 year old says to me "I have been diagnosed with leukemia". What a shock, such a good man, happliy married, with a 10 year old little girl. Then one day he and a friend go to donate blood to a charity and they tell him "Were afraid there is something wrong with your blood and we cannot use it. Our advise is that you contact you GP immediately". What a thing life can be ? I tried to be philosophical with him, hoping I had some words of comfort. Back home, some more studies and some food and now it is onely again ! Hmmm,,sigh !
( seems that this week i have loied up to the image of being a responsible recovering addict. I also am concious that being a foreigner her, i am bound to be stereotyped. The reality is that I am not an asuylum seeker, illegal immigrant or dodger like many of my skin colour are. I am an Indian student who has brough in about 50000 dollars into this local economy, God has made that possible. I am not one of the chaps or one of the blokes or such like. I have put in a lot of effort in my recovery to be an educated addict and by god wont let people forget that. The ones that hold on most to the stereotypes here and hang onto erreneous judgements are the slummish, low class of the majority population here that live on the dole for , Gods sake !) (Most important for me is the knowledge that I an addict, in recovery in Narcotics anonymous have a real clean choice on how I behave today and what attitiude I adopt in life)
-- Edited by Raman on Friday 17th of July 2009 06:18:28 PM
-- Edited by Raman on Friday 17th of July 2009 06:23:00 PM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I dont know why this moving of a few suitcases has to be so stressful Ive been agonizing on how I am going to do and all that. And to think that the accomodation that I am now moving to is the sort Id have loved to take at the very start. I am certainly a complicated addict who has ben impulsive and impatient in this matter. I rememebr that day when the University sent us on a round of the properties. I saw this place and looked no further. Dont normal people usually look around and take an informed, choice-filled, cold and logical decision ? I was certainly stressed out at that time and that stress is coming out again, however this time around, nearly a year later, life has taken me a few places that Ive never ben before,, hopefully maturing me . So the shifting rigmarole goes on, i have another 38 hours or so to meet the deadline. Sharing with you guys and accepting reality has been the hink that works !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Well, in case u haven't noticed, we're not really "normal" people, so why wouldn't the move be sgtressful! Moving is obnoxious no matter how much of a good thing it turns out to be, IMHO....u'll be fine, m'friend...easy does it, but just do it, as they say! LOL
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
Thanks Lee,, something very raw and instinctual going on here,,what is is ? Is it the addiction ruiing my life or is it just as it is meant to be, being human and all ? You the complaining, niggling, derisive voice ? Thank God we have God in this Program, else it would be too much ! God had worked thru you in my life this day Lee,, thanks !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
your doing an Awesome job in life and in this blog thanks Raman .
I too will have to move soon a whole apartment full of crap things need boxing NOW i haven't done sqaut. I got notified last week that some work will have to be done first to the house before the sale goes forward , I call banker and realtor to get information I need to find out how i go about getting this work done ASAP some of which I can do myself and save a lot of money, 2 days waiting for response I get angry and flustered with the lack of response, make more calls and get action finally.
Hang in there brother with everything ask for help with your move if you need it, people are there for you.
Hey Raman,mikef here,, Praying for your serenity and I wish you peace.you definitely doing the work.sounds like JIMI said in Voodoo Chile "'I stand up next to a mountain,and chop it down with the edge of my hand" Electric Ladyland late 70"s or was that early 80"s or late 60's? those years were a blur for me but i'll never forget my trips with this man.chop it down my friend!!!Thanks for sharing,talk to you on the backside...
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
hEY bIGv, way cool!!! sounds just like the inside of my head on somedays.thank you for running that for me..nice way to start my day.peace my brother..mikef
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
hEY LeeU, Nice to talk to you .yeah that must have been smokin!!lets just say when i tripped with Jimi and the boys i was on the ceiling looking down at my shell of a body,you could say i was 'EXPERIENCED"..i met the band in 1968 at Norfolk airport. i was stationed in little creek virginia from 1965 to 70 believe it or not on a ship called an "LSD" (USS CASA GRANDE 13) how appropriate(dock landing ship./My God is definitely humorous!!!I HAVE BEEN A DRUMMER IN AND OUT OF BANDS ALL MY LIFE AND mITCH mITCHELL WAS one of my favorites.."Third Stone from the sun" was awesome display of jazz chops in kick butt music genre..VINNIE made my day yesterday flipping voodoo chile on the site for me to see..cool..have a great day peace mikef
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hey Raman!! not glorify the use of drugs,but at that period "orange sunshine and "blotter acid " was "saturated around the area..I grew up in poughkeepsie,ny. about 17 miles from where Timothy Leary had his estate.He was the acid guru and a professor.Tripping was a ritual part of my life.Bad side i ended up doing a bid in a mental institution for months being "netted off the street'(you know! there coming to take you away ha ha,)well they did,straight jacket and all..woke up in a locked ward coming down from Thorazine and they thought i was crazy..check this ,doctor says to me"what happened and i says oh its nothing doc i just been tripping for about 40 days almost daily and lost track of the planet.didnt know if it was real or imagined,im okay now,,he says "oh and "whats a trip!!!"right then i was very frightened and locked in a real "looney bin..at least in the joint ,you got a sentence,did your time and got out,here you were at the mercy of being deemed "sane or insane by someone who didnt even know what a trip was,,,Yikes let me out.many months later they did.upon release ,i realized i needed to "cut back ;' on tripping a little.that wonderful progression of the disease.to this day i still get minor flashbacks now and then.(you know walk under a floresant(cant spell) light and duck your head..etc..once again as Jimii said "not necessarily stoned but beautiful.."i watched the "beautiful days of peace love and harmony turn into ,devastation of progressive addiction..My God helped me reach surrender in 1984 after many long years of "what we all know"...man got off on a tangent,thanks for letting me share,i must have needed that.my "freak flag" is long gone but im still that "hippie" in my mind on anygiven day.I am definitely back on the trail of peace ,love and sharing harmony now as I continue to "work the program and try to carry the mesage..feel like following up some more on some 9th step work today.,,now let me see where did that guy go from that bandstand we were on in "72????:) peace Raman I think of you in your pain and pray for your serenity!Sing a mean tune kid,sock em in the guts yeah yeah(Chicago Transit Authority)everything in my head comes from lyrics of songs from bands and songs ive played thru the years,sometimes i feel like my head is on that show "name that tune!! leapin lizards batwonder!!! peace my friend mikef this was me inside the bin!!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Ouch! This is getting weirder and weirder. zowie, and the flashbacks....
Hey Raman, thou art human. The heck with the addiction aspect. Life can be a bugger at times. Just use whatcha learned in recovery and act differently.
Oh, and that comes from one of those people who is "the slummish, low class of the majority population here that live on the dole", and darned proud of it 'cause he is CLEAN today!
Hi Mikef, thanks for that sharing. Did some red stars and blue ice those days in Goa, the place where hippies for all over the world came in the 70s and 80s. I hung around them, not as a hippie but as a Yogi. Stoned out on those trips , really went out there ! I ve had flashbacks when I first cleaned out and it felt good to feel that lsd as it was, and not clouded by smack, beer and hash. then one day about 5 years ago I had touches when I stood in fron of a million people in a concert and blew my saxophone. They say that show was watched by 45 million people worldwide; my two minutes of claim to fame, heh heh ! I thought that was it and theyd never come back, but now with the hep.c injections, the flashbacks are back. Its like I go deep into a trance and what then happens is subconcious material from my psyche comes up to the concious,,,lots of stuff there ! There used to be a guy called Bob here who it was rumoured had trippped with Leary. I believe that those trips I did have changed my cociousness for ever and that there is no reversing it. Its like someone gets a fever, they take medicicne and after the fevers gone they are back to normal. I heard once that Hoffman, the guy that discovered LSD in ergot actually also developed an antidote whereby someone who was having a bad trip could be restored. Well, as far as I can tell the pain bring backs the stoned memories,,,the Steps see me tru another day clean. Thanks for sharing Mikef, that was awesome !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Hi Robb,,, I believe I will always be-grudge those that can live on the dole; simply cause we have no such thing like that in India, China, etc. From day one, I had to work to earn a living. By Gods Grace Ive been able to manage. Another reason for the grouse is that many that I meet who are on the dole can actually be working, why arent they ? I want you to note, most importanatly that the comment was meant for the people I have to encounter here everyday, standing around, being YOBS, trying to look cccol and to think that I, a student from a third world country has to pay three times the fees to study here,, so the saga goes on,,,
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
The kind of music that I am more inclined to appreciate is jazz and when I hear Coltrane, Miles etc, I feel good ! But for Gods sake, Hendrix, Morrision and queen will always make me wonder about who these guys really were, they surely couldt have been ordinary mortals,, so what were they ? I wonder what Karma they had to do in order to get up there and be that !!!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Hey Raman! Thanks for writing back,wasnt sure if I crossed over from message of recovery to insane rantings but my head kinda works like that.I also agree my favorite players are fusion guys,john mcglaughlin(mahavishnu orchestra with billy cobbham),toni wiliams lifetime(played with miles)chick corea,return to forever(lenny white banging the cans etc,saw them all play live!!! Take nothing from Jimi and all that gang but 2 different balls of wax..Savor that sax memory blowing in front of the millions man,we do go back to those moments of fame..you right my "beautiful journeys of the mind staring deteriorating as I pummelled myself with alcohol,narcotics and barbituates,took the beauty away.like carlos castenada(tales of don quixote) i had been searching for my "spot" kept missing it!The miracle we now share is recovery "day by day"I know I am ,and I know from talking with you that you are blessed to be here or anywhere now..lets ride this 24 into the sunset and see where it brings us ..peace my friend!!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Great shrares Mikef,,, seems like our list of favs. in fuson are the same. I was totally blown seeing Joe Henderson, Lenny white, Stan Clarke and Chick do a set, I saw that on DVD,,must have been an incredible experience seeing and hearing those guys live. No wonder my dissertation is on jazz events. Do you still drum Mikef, never ever stop doing that bro !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Vin, I have the same opinon as you, hat somewhere along the way these guys met the Lord Of Dakness and the pact was signed, in blood. The devil gave em all that and rturn they were just be blown out of their minds all the tiem and then die badly,,,,
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Music, more than anything else other than Meditation, has touched parts of my psyche that nothing else would.
I mean, imagine my surprise when I began feeling a peace and serenity after a great set of music; great not because I am a brilliant musician or a million album seller but because the songs we choase were appropriate to the event, the musicians and I vibed well and the crowd that was there enjoyed what we played and then we got paid quite well for it.
Thas the experiences that set me free from a lot of emotional junk that was lying around but couldnt be jettisoned.
Ive heard some addicts finding that Higher Function in other pursuits too, like painting, cooking, writing and whatever else that deals more with the right brain functions like intutiveness, emotions, extra sesory perceptions and such like rather than the logic oriented left brain work.
I believe that I an addict, no matter what, wanted pleasure. I still strive to make my life pleasent and easy. The concious pursuit of pleasure in drugs was what my addiction was all about; now in recovery, it is concious choice of doing those things that bring me and others pleasure.
And even if in pain I remember that behind that there is pleasure. you know, everyday living has it's ups and downs and when things go down the fiorst instinct is to think "Oh fuck no, heres that pain again". the gerat thing about this Program is that as I keep living it, pain will not bring fear anymore, indeed pain becomes a Step towards greater and more sustained pleasure, and in that state of mind it is easier to be greatful for what I have and dont !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I should have been more vigilant and applied and got a placement for my post study apprenticeship. But I let it hang on and now Im faced with the prospect of losing about 2500 dollars that I'd paid for my placement work.
So now Im considering options and also analysing whether it is God's way of saying to take it easy and go back to my own home and family in India.
Life's a real bitch at times, and each day seems to be bringing up a new challenge. Wonder what would happen to an addict like me if I had no NA Program ! Especially with thoughts like "why cant they understand my problems ?" "why cant they be a little more lenient ?" et.cetc.etc.
I was beghining to drink lots of water and the tiredness and drowsiness of the treatment is going away. That has been a positive development this week,, feeling soem energy. However Im still wary about stretching myself too far.
Like Monday nite, I realized that after that great recovery meeting I had no business sitting at the groups service meeting. I was tired and didnt realize it and promptly picked up a resentment and disease.
So now, this week, after talking with my nurse (beautiful, wonderful chick that Id, kiss, and ask for a date,given half a chance,,,wow!) it's clear that up until the dissertation is over next month, I will have to strictly ration my energies and basically not take up something new or something that already grounded in tensions.
writing feelings each day has been a very good tonic ! thanks for letting me share !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Sometimes everything flows smoothly and well, those are the moments I crave for. In fact I understand that I, an addict, has conciously sought pleasure in life.
First it was all the playfulness and mischief and love and attention at home when I was young. Then It was through friends and frolic, before my life was controlled by addiction and the constant craving for instant gratification that it brings.
I believe that my desperation in addiction was simply cause I ceased to feel the pleasure and felt pain instead. The pain of addiction came by way of withdrawl, by way of arrests, not being able to score or getting bad stuff, opposition from family friends and society and all the things that prevented me from enjoying a high. In recovery the pleasure came back. I remember the joy I felt when I realized I could stay clean and quite serene and do something for myself. Then the pleasures increased when I realized I'd become a productive and responsible member of the same society that I had once rejected and which had rejected me totally. Then came some late hits like the quarrels with my brother, the broken marriage, later gall baldder operation and removal and the complications that brought about. These days it seems more about being able to live on my own and enjoy life without the use of drugs.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
What a Sunday it has been. I went to a city about 100 miles away to play my saxophone in a festival; I p[klayed all day long with three groups, by God !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I had interviewed jazz musicians, jazz event managers and jazz venue operators. Now that I have finished the transcriptions of the interviews, and what I need to do now is to develop codes and concepts out of that and state the basic underlying themes. This is the actual part whwre the research I carried out as well as my understanding of the subject will be tested.
It is simple but my life is complicated. First of all, Im on attention to find a placement by August 15th. In these times of economic depression in England, that is a full time task and am unable to dedicate the time it requires daily because I have to do the dissertati0on.
Then again, life is slowed down because of thehep.c. treatment. It is a fact that two days after the weekly injection, I am slowed down. So I am asking for an extension to the dissertation hand in, hoping I will do a good job of my research if I am given more time. Luckily for me, there are provisions for that at the university. So the hospital is giving me a letter in this context tommorow and I will use that to file for extension.
And so life goes on,,,
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
O my God, went beserk and shouted at the walls for misplacing an amazon voucher, then slaps on the face ! I never want to forget that the hep.c treatment brings on anger like this and will keep my recovering friends in mind who went through this and did the whole treatment.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Anger and rage are defects, that is for sure. They are a part of the human condition and I am an addict and I am not excluded. However my disease likes to et in the act after an angry outburst, it will then attempt to tell me many times during the succeding hours that I was baing a bad, unsafe and mad man ! And keep repeating it. I thank my sponsor of then for the vaulable guidance in noting and getting ware of how the disease works !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Had the weekly injection last nite and slept well because I was in a great meetng and got some good shares. This morning however, I am in confusion about few things, which I know will be resolved a the day goes by. Im also looking forward to the hep.c support group this evening, more so because three of them in the last meeting had revealed that they had been using drugs too. I revealed that Im an addict too. One woman has done the 6 months course and cleared the virus while another is getting ready for treatment. Anothersource of experience, strength and ope for me !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Been an especially difficult day and last nite. I was tired, couldnt sleep and there was a weird feeling like some images that were disturbing. Been tired to do even small things, and when I get to doing them I get too tired to complete.
Then there is this nagging in my head about why i was not serious enough to find a placement, thereby doing all of course, rather than just the masters part.
The work route would have given me valuable experience, and I would have got certification. The other side is that I need to go back to India and be with my aged mother and daughter. Ive been away one full year and things need doing there.
The first on that list is moving residence; by September or October, my new apartment should be ready and I should take a month off from here to do that work. Then again, I have to come back here to Sheffield to complete the hep.c treatment.
I also need to find a part time job at least for bare necessities, or try for benefits.
And so the battle in the head goes on,,
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Once again a day of confusion regarding the work Im trying to get. Why cant things be simpler ? Another thing I have to recognize is that I have been self- employed all my life. So now to sudddenly get myself into emplyed mode will be difficult. That maybe one of the reasons I am baulking at the prospect of being in an employed situation.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Been a quite week what with both me and my wife recovering from flus and infections and what not, not to forget stuff like Dengue and H1N1 very much real and happening around in town here...
Mostly it's been slow-moving work that has gone considerably lesser after the so-called global financial meltdown, so not much to work and not much money to make in the last few months...
When I first received the news a few months back that I wouldn't be getting half of the funds that I usually receive for my work projects, I could have very easily panicked keeping in mind my commitments that I had increased towards my family and loved ones recently after my father's death.
Instead, I chose to somehow trust my Higher Power yet another time to take care of it all. My ex-Sponsor had suggested I take up a hobby to de-stress and unwind a few years back. I did that, and in the last few years I had amassed a considerable collection of Philatelic material which I acquired, little by little, not to forget the old collection from many years back that me and my brothers had collected while growing up. When I had to repay a loan and fulfil certain commitments recently, I did not know how I would be able to go about it especially as my income had gone down by half.
I prayed to my Higher Power one morning, and then one of the fellow collectors among many such collectors/buyers/sellers/traders that I developed a relationship with in the last few years emailed me enquiring if I'd be willing to sell a particular part of my collection to him. I was completely surprised by this miracle. It was like my Higher Power answered my prayers right away. Since I had decided to focus my own collections to a few particular themes/topicals in the last year or so, I decided to sell away the rest. And amazingly it's working out well for me till now. Today, I have a network where I continue to negotiate deals for others, and in fact, this income source is proving to be more fruitful for me than even my job. And all this happened within a last few months. And I didn't even know that I was good at this. I just followed a suggestion of my Sponsor, as my leisure activity!
It's true that God closes one door to open another...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
That is fabulous Tahir, what a great experience ! Reminds me of how well my collection of clocks and watches as well as artefacts sustained me many times in my recovery.
Another thing I have noticed here is that just as money supply is down and everyone seems tigh with budgets, by the same token prices are falling, making previously unaffordable things easily affordable.
Like one management guru had said that the trick is to learn to survive the downtimes, so that there is growth and profit in the good times.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
When I accept this economic recession and its after effects on a deeper emotional level, I can see that after 30 years of working, with the last 15 having been very hectic, I needed this break. Im really enjoying the Fellowship here, the University experience,the people here, the manners and customs as well the relaxed pace.
Most of all I am greatful that I am able to take the time to invest in Knowledge, and remember that one definition of knowledge is THE POWER TO ACHIEVE !
That said however, there are times of drudgery and passing feelings of isolation. And the treatment takes the energy out of two whole days of each week,,,leaving me to try and fit eerything that I need to do into the other three working days,,
-- Edited by Raman on Saturday 8th of August 2009 06:24:13 AM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Just finished with a party for a housemate for his birthday. They were all drinking and though I did feel in danger for a moment, admitting it was me who will release a compulsion for more if I drink stopped any more ruminations.
Recovery is my responsibility, I have to face my problems and my feelings.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Right on Raman wish I could be there for that you should get a camcorder and have it taped then post it some where for us so we can hear your message, save a life Bro.
What an idiot I have been ! Three days of eating chocolate everyday and there i was, ready to go into shock because of liver pain. Ive wasted two whole workdays, wish I will remember that chocolate is dangerous for me.
All because a sentence in the diet instructions said "it is good to eat chocolate now and then". Once again, an example of irresponsible publishing. I need to take care.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
