could really do with someone to chat too!

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TOPIC: could really do with someone to chat too!

sarahb

Newbie

Status: Offline

Posts: 1

Date: Jul 11, 2009

could really do with someone to chat too!	Permalink

Hi, am new on here but didnt really know where else to go to chat to other people. I'm 28 years old, from uk and have been clean from heroin for 9 years. I started using at 14 after moving in with my boyfriend,, alot older than me and a regular user, and about 20 of his "mates". I got married to someone who was really anti drugs and stayed away from everything, didnt even drink. Relapsed briefly a few times but never for more than a day or so at a time. About 3 years ago i started getting really strong urges to use, dont know why cos nothing had really changed, just couldnt stop thinking about it and even dreaming about it, anyway to cut a long story short i started using, only about 10 times and not for long but it was enough for me to want to again. I knew i couldnt use again as i had too much to lose. my husband said he'd take my kids if he found out i was, so i starting using Dihydrocodeine. My doctor gave it to me for an injury i did a few years ago origianally. Only took it in small amounts to start with but for the last 18 months I've been on it all the time. I know it was the most stupidest thing to take knowing how much i still love heroin. Could only get it off my doctor for about 4 months before he refused me it so i had to buy it over the counter, only you cant buy it on its own, only in mixes with paracetamol in it so i started CWEing. I'm now taking bout 700mg Dihydrocodeine a day just to stop withdrawing. I dont get high from it anymore and recently have started adding cannabis to it just to get a kind of high. I've tried stopping it and i cant. I'm so scared I'm either gonna end up back on heroin, as the Dihydrocodeine just isnt strong enough anymore and i'm having to take stupid amounts to keep myself "normal" or i'm gonna mess a CWe up and end up killing myself on paracetamol. If it goes wrong i end up with about 50g paracetamol in me. So far i've been lucky. My doctor wont help me and i dont know where to turn. I know i was stupid to take DHC in the first place but we all make mistakes. If anyone wants to chat my email is boughtonsarah@yahoo.com. Thanks __________________

DeanC

Guru

Status: Offline

Posts: 769

Date: Jul 11, 2009

	Permalink
Hi Sarah welcome to the board. This board is pretty slow meaning that your message will generally get responded to .5 to a day later. I'm on here more than most. Feel free to email me if you like mojorules@gmail.com Dean __________________

cleanNOTsober

Veteran Member

Status: Offline

Posts: 31

Date: Jul 11, 2009

We Can Help!	Permalink

Sounds like you are on the slippery road back to your drug of choice... H. Yeah, you've been lucky and I hope to livin' heck that you are not CWEing to create an injectable. Your doctor won't help and good for him, but have you talked to him about addiction to the d,h-codeine and your own admitted addiction to heroin? But hey, you had the what... intuition? to get to this message board and NA. What about your local fellowship? Narcotics Anonymous, that is? Because from what I read in your post, methinks that your best bet is to stop cold turkey. Get help from other addicts in your area, go to as many meetings as you can, and so on and so forth. There isn't much that we can do for you around here if you intend to continue using. Mainly because your using will require a lot of lying, dishonesty -- to your husband, to your doctor, to yourself. I will assume that your husband is in the dark about your current drug activity. If he finds out the wrong way about your using... well, I think you can foresee the consequences there. Your doctor, I think, has already cottoned on to what has happened, altho' he could have offered some direction. And then there is you. You have to live with yourself and your actions. It took knowledge and honesty to get you to post up here. To continue on the way you are is to risk all that you have and hold dear, to lose it all. Many of us here in the MIP NA board could tell you about that loss in active addiction. It isn't pretty. But, by showing up here tells you that you have a choice. You can stop using and abusing drugs (all of them!). Recovery is possible. NA can help. We can help. But only if you want it. __________________ Keep The Faith* Robb

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