Hi all, Im in India for a fortnight and thought Id share some distinct thoughts and feelings.
I came here to do interviews associated with my assignment. Im am running up now to te dissertation and need tro collect dtata from people in the field. Also thought Id spend qualioty time with my daughter and ma, Ive certainly missed them.
Oddly nuff, things are not going according to that plan. I havent got one single interview yet, nor have I spent much time with my NA baby. At first I was feeling angry for this but now serenity has been given to me after gaining some insight through Meditation, lengthy Meditation for couple of days at an ashram.
What Ive understoood is that Ive been accumulating more that what I really need of material possessions, in the belief that they are reqyuired for my well being. One car , five cameras, four laptops, etc.etc.etc. more than necessary. This has been going on for years now. Most probably a way of coping with the pain of not using smack, booze etc. I tink Ive been trying to cover up some feelings of inadequacy brought pon my self by thoughts that kept me away from taking the Steps to recover.
I used to get pissed off by the sanctimoniousness and holier than thou attitude in many sharings I heard in meetings. My pain was increased by thinking what they said was what they are. The theories that come up from the ground of defects are by and large critical, political, unsocial and in many ways perverted.
So where do I go from here ? Ive shared a bit with my sponsor, Im going to read NA a lot this week, Im going to do as many meetings as I can in this city and reconnect with guys that Ive hung around with in recovery and most importantly keep it on a daily basis and where that is not practical, do phase by phase planning .
This way, through NA I will get a better perspecrive of my life, JUST FOR TODAY ! Thanks for letting me share and you reading it till here ! Hugs
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Phew !!!! The pace is hectic at times, Im very hurried when I work with others and have not learned the meaning of "self-pacing". Im learning that self-pacing allows me to wrk wiuth others in a team but not hurriedly or lazily. Hurry and laziness are both defects that have kept me company. I used to think that just because IU got clean these defects will magicall disappear but that has not been the case.
Like our literature says , these defects grow in the dark and die in the light of exposure; which means when i honestly share a problem, than is when it magically disappears and not automatically because Ive stayed clean.
Im now actually inderstanding the power of these defects to control my actions and influence my thoughts,,,, setting me up fpr trouble, frustrations, anger, resentment and a whole gamut of negative feelings ! By God, I need improvement in my life; my life since I last used has improved considerably but now I want more of the benefits that this wonderful program of Narcotics Anonynous has to offer ! Thanks for reading my share !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Driving obssession today with something,,, brought on by meeting people I had associated with in the past. This is not for drugs or gambling, girls etc. this is an obssession to be perfect. Im now Meditatiing on the Light ! In the hope of quickly being restored to sanity !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Wow,,what o lovely trip. Took a coach to this town 200 miles away to attend the anniversary of NA there. I was chosen to talk about NA at a conference on World Anti-Drg day. I quickly set about forming a team with the NA's there.
Oh gosh did we feel honoured on NA's behalf to be sittng among those distinguished academics and public people. It struck me, and some others there, that NA offers the simplest suggestion, say no to drugs and take the Steps.
Then came the second aniversary meeting of NA in this town. Once again an exhilirating time for us there,, being loved and cared for by those guys, especially Mark and Arif,,,and then sharing and caring with about 60 plus addicts seeking recovery. in the meeting.
Ive really come to believe,,on a heart- emotional level, that Service is a Power Greater than ouselves that lifts me out of my self centredness and un(dis)- ease each time I do.
I pray I remember this everyday of my life, just for today !
-- Edited by Raman on Saturday 27th of June 2009 12:19:08 AM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
When I look at my life, as it is now, objectively, it seems like its nothing but the restlessness of addiction replaced by the restlessness of wanderlust !
Fuck knows when Iwil be restful and contented with staying in one place, lkike at home or in a ashram and simply living the simplest life I can, on a daily basis !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Raman, when you travel around do you feel free or a bit lonely and disconnected. Where else do you travel to other then india? Was this world anti drug talk and 2nd aniversary in India If Yes to the aniversary how was it done like a anual convention event style charging for tickets. Or like an aniversary ??? A big free 1 night meeting style
